Sex, Lies and That Videotape

Hot Fuss (Photo credit: Wikipedia)I hate to say it but all of this fuss surrounding Tulisa's Contostavlos sex tape, is not really news, or anything new for that matter.

Remember High School Musical Vanessa Hudgens naked pictures sent to her ex?

Or serial attention seeker and celebrity wannabe Imogen Thomas's accidentally on purpose 'leaked' sex tape; which she reminded us all about today.

Many moons ago, my first real boyfriend asked whether he could take some nude photographs of me for an 'art project' he was working on.

Just like Tulisa and her rat ex DJ Ultra (Ultra what ? Ultra  user, loser or just an arsehole?) I loved him. Actually I worshipped the ground he walked on.

First out of plain old fashioned lust (he was a ridiculously handsome lad :0 ).

Then, out of pathetic gratitude for him choosing me over the other campus hotties, who seemed to know his entire timetable backwards and didn't stop trying it on with him, despite them knowing we were an item.

Lovestruck or not, I said no and kept on saying no. There was something in the back of my mind that made me ask myself, how I would feel if say my parents or someone I didn't know ever got hold of those pictures. 

As it was, we broke up about six months later and aside from a cardigan I left at his place one night, that's all he had left of me.

Don't get me wrong I'm no prude and I can be just as naughty as the next woman, particularly when I'm loved up, but laying yourself open to the mercy of an ex-beau, who you may or may not be on friendly terms with is not a risk I think you should have to face.

Tulisa's initital reaction to the 'rumour' about the tape's existence was to deny, deny.

Then after legal (an attempted injunction against the tape being released online - which failed) and PR advice, (she denied it, her record label denied it) she finally decided to come clean about her filmed 'intimate moment' with a YouTube appeal to her public.

That appeal may well have saved her X Factor job, but by first lying about the tape, she has effectively labelled herself a liar and that 'good girl from the hood' persona she's harnessed during her ascent to fame, is now shredded.

I personally don't give a damn about what Tulisa does in her bedroom and I don't think anyone else should either, but like it or not as part of N Dubz and now as X Factor judge and budding solo artist, by default Tulisa has become a role model, created by the media and the hype machine that surrounds her.

Good girls and bad girls can get caught out by a smooth talking devil, but ultimately, it's up to us to own and deal with any potentially bad situations, to act with intelligence and foresight, and not be 'persuaded' that the way to keep things 'fresh' with your special someone is to do with your clothes off, on camera.

Birthday Blues!

Image via WikipediaSo how was my birthday yesterday?

Well there comes a time when you realise that birthdays are really for children and teenage hotties and I think that time has arrived for me.

So how was mine yesterday ? - Quiet. Almost like a wake in terms of fun and entertainment, but since I wasn't really feeling the moment, I couldn't have hoped for much more.

I don't know if I was still feeling flat from the gig no...apparently I was amazing, but needed some more hardcore hands on experience. 

If anyone knows how you get experience, without manging to secure a yes from people who can give you said additional experience, please pop your answers on a postcard to me !  Honestly there must be some mysterious in-between stage that I'm missing.

My b-day cards came from my parents and my best friends, a sure fire sign I need to step things up on the social front again :0 )

I spent an hour on the phone catching up with A, who I haven't spoken too in ages and actually gave me a mega boost and I agreed to meet up with L next week. My re-entry into society is on track.

Marilyn

Image via Wikipedia When people ask me who my favourite movie stars are, I usually bore them with a roll call of old Hollywood royalty.

Top of the pile for me in the glamour and enduring intrigue stakes is Ms Marilyn Monroe.

Aside from her obvious beauty, her acting ability, which was surprisingly good, particularly in her comedic roles, her vulnerability and ultimately tragically early death have captivated me into always wanting to know just that little bit more about her.

I got the chance to do this when I visited the Getty Images Gallery, who have pulled together a stunning collection of unseen Marilyn photographs, which mark her transition from cover girl to movie star, with a few candid 'private' shots also included.

The collection is complimented by a small, but significant selection of original dresses and costumes worn by Marilyn, which were lent to the Gallery by collector David Gainsborough Roberts, owner of the largest collection of Marilyn Monroe memorabilia in the world.

What struck me about the pictures was the fluidity of Marilyn's face, throughout the various images. In the shutter of a photographers' lens, her face could transform from girl next door to a sexy siren or just possess a stunning, haunted vulnerability which when faced head on, manages to draw you in.

The dresses and costumes are stunning, each accompanied by white information tablets, detailing their designers, fabrics, and appearances either in her movies or as part of her public or private wardrobes.

I was surprised to find that after years of speculation about Marilyn's size, looking at the mannequins, she couldn't have been any bigger than a UK10/12.

Close up the detail on the dresses and costumes is staggering - beautfully tailored, intricate beading, sculputured corsets and waistlines. Everything looked so contemporary in design and is so wonderfully preserved that they wouldn't look out of place on a modern day movie starlet.

My favourites were the show stopping red dress from 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes' and a gorgeous raspberry halterneck linen dress from the opening sequence of the movie that made her a star 'Niagara' . Fashion dynamite !!!

I left the exhibition feeling I knew Marilyn a little better. She was an old school ' feisty dame', who was bright and clever (check out the picture of her on the day bed reading a pretty hardcore book of poems!), had a wicked sense of humour and spirit; qualities that I think somehow, had been lost amid the numerous myths, conspiracy theories and jumbled retellings of her life and death.

I highly recommend you go and see it !!!!

Marilyn runs until 23rd May at the Getty Images Gallery
Admission is free.

New Day New BB

Encouragent has come to me from unlikely quarters and people. Twitter continues to be a source of information and support. Last night a lovely recruiter in Los Angeles DMd me with words of encouragement and the offer to brainstorm with me and look at ways to help me move forward.

So this morning I awoke with the determination to put aside yesterday's meltdown and woke ready to put myself out there again, namely in front of yet another agency.  I also sweetened the end of the my day by going to see my Pop.

As I filled out a 9 page registration form, that asked me to restate all the information that is already down in black and white detail on my cv, which this agency already has, plus references and bizarrely the contact details of my next of kin.

I'm not sure how likely it is that I would injure myself or fall ill on a temporary contract assignment, but you never know !  I could accidentally fall awkwardly on a biro or trip on a stapler or maybe inflame my fingers and wrists after an extended bout of report typing !  You just never know.

I totted the number of agencies I am with now and its....a lot ! A testament to my inability to deal with the boredom of not working.  It is like slow Chinese torture for a grapher like moi, to have nothing to do, no places to go to and way to few prospect meetings to prepare for.

It's also completely nuts and in a weird way, quite a funny indication of the numbers game that exists among agencies at the moment. However, bad things are I've never regarded myself as a number and fortunately the latest recruiter I'm working with doesn't either.

He did his best to sympathise with me yesterday, before conceding that should the news be bad (it would truly be a beyond fabulous Hollywood ending if it wasn't !) he would give me a full debrief....oh dear !

BB Wonders WTF Is Going On !

Image via WikipediaI'm not sure WTF is going on in BB world, but I'm confused.

Another text message from R to tell me..

"Hey Hope you are well. I won the Squash Champion Masters last weekend. Good to have something good happen for a change. Ho hum ! Have a good day and catch up soon. R"

Either he doesn't remember us splitting up or things must be really bad with him at the moment. I'm not gloating because I know it must take balls to keep on trying to connect with me, but that door's firmly closed now.

On the gig front - it was yet another disaster - lots of prep (two week's worth) - lots of hyping myself up (it is bloody hard to be positive in the face of not succeeding). I was beyond nervous throughout the whole meeting.

What got me was how right I was how great an opportunity the role was and how amazing it would have been to work with the team there. I was literally kicking myself as I left.  I left feeling so disheartened by my poor performance that only heading towards the nearest vat of chocolate could salve my misery.

If anyone would have told as I waved goodbye to the debris of 2011, that in 2012 I would find it equally, hard (despite reading, researching, Twittering, LinkingIn and randomly Facebooking) for me to convince someone I'm worth hiring and paying a few pennies on a consistent basis to, I really wouldn't have believed them.  How could one person be so unlucky right?  Seems I broke the mould !

So my search goes on pursuing other leads (I'm a persistent cow if nothing else) and praying for some sort of breakthrough, one person to say yes, just the one; that allows me to show what I can do, before I truly, truly lose what semblance of intelluct, hope and dignity I have left.

Talking  to NDNP helped no end. He told me what I needed to hear...."Keep going, there is a door open somewhere just for you".

The only thing that's keeping me sane right now is writing, thank God !

Fortunately, there is some light at the end of the tunnel P has invited me to stay with her in NY for a few weeks. I've turned it down before, but now I can think of nothing better to shake off this sheet of crap that seems to be wrapped around me at the moment.