Diva Recap

So here we are, my first post of 2014, and how much has changed since last year. 

This time last year I was loved up with Big B (more of him later), working as a EA for a Anne Wintour Canadian clone by day (she was as wintry as her worksake and possessed an ice pike, where her heart should have been!); while working by night and at the weekends as a social media smarty pants.

By Nov, I'd been canned by Ms Canada for not fulfilling her 'commands' and I ended the year as it had started, haunted by Mum's cancer, which thankfully is currently in remission; but has made such a determined effort to kill her, that it hit her immune system so hard, it's left her struggling to recover her full health.

I returned to the UK from Miami in January jobless and after a week of tears and tantrums, decided I was going to turn my second job being social media guru into my own business. Three short months later, things are ticking over nicely and I'm cautiously happy. Also annoyingly, for my family and friends, I've got into the habit of randomly saying "Love what I do" - I told you I was annoying !

The love front is officially KO'd and I have to say I'm not sorry. Right now if you're a player, a commitment phobe or just don't know what you want, please don't waste my time :0)

Big B and I hit the wall in May last year, when his work life disintegrated in the kind of black hole meltdown I experienced a few years back. Being an alpha male sadly Big B's NY job was a massive part of his confidence and when it went, another side of him emerged.

I defaulted into auto Superwoman mode, albeit a long distance one (him in New York, me in London) rock, supporter, cheer squad etc. I did everything I possibly could to get back the alpha I hooked up with; but the shutters had already came down and he ended it with the classic 'I need time to sort myself out'.

I told him to take his time. Then we entered that familiar run of text table tennis, that some guys resort to if they don't want to talk to you. He'd say he'd call so we could talk and somehow it would always never happen.  It took me right back to the bad old days of Hottie, who I'm sure had a degree in avoiding conflict, by just not being around :0)

I brought things to a head with the kind of direct text that called him out on his behaviour not just towards me, but to other people in his life.  His response was another text saying he call me for the umpteenth time and that's where I ended it.

There's only so many times you can read a message in hope and the respect I used to have for him (which was huge) had been eroded by his inability to talk to me, which I didn't think was a massive ask.

And there you have it the complete 2013 to 2014 recap on all things Divalicious.

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Be Careful What You Wish For, Because You Just Might Get It !

So I'm just going put it out there - after hearing about this much vaulted 'friends with benefits gig', it's definitely not for me. Especially after swapping tales with the girls, over several glasses of wine this evening.  

 

There were varying points of view around the sofa, but my favourite came from J. Her much younger booty call texted her to say, she's off his bedtime menu at the moment, because he's just started seeing someone.

 

This is the same booty call who spent the best part of 40 mins on one of their earliest non-dates saying he didn't want a relationship, because of work, his ambitions, his life and pretty much every reason, ever expressed by any man who's ever wanted a booty call without any commitment or comeback.

 

Being older and infinitely more chilled out, she of course laughed her socks off, at such a heavy moment so early on, and told all of us about it. When she got the thanks but no thanks text, as she'd had her suspicions for awhile that he'd started seeing someone, due to the infrequency of the booty calls, she took it in her stride.

But for whatever reason she actually thought, he would extend her the courtesy of  a text or call her sooner, rather than later to say so, instead descending into the cowardly lion world, of ignoring her text messages.

 

She asked my advice and I was suitably candid with her.

 

First be nice - you got what you asked for - no strings, no drama booty calls.
 

Next - don't take it personally because after all, he had been upfront about what 'it' was from the get go. 

Always reply to the initial 'I'm seeing someone' text message, with general pleasantry such as a 'how's work' and remember to end things on a 'take care' - a quiet way of saying this chapter has ended in a civil way and you wish him or her well. Should you ever bump into them, you can happily say hi, without any 'Made in Chelsea awkwardness.

 

And finally, learn the lesson no strings, means that on emotional level as well. Don't think for a moment that you're actually 'friends', you're mere acquaintances, which means you should expect absolutely nothing from the other party.

 

Arr the delights, perils and mysteries of modern non-dating.

Back with a Bang!

The last six months of my llife have been in the paraphrased works of Charles Dickens 'the best of times and the worst of times'.  The best because I've finally landed on my feet and am working as a Comms/Marketing Manager to a super cool brand (the one I did the interview with!) and every week at the moment, seems to be filled with opportunities, events and just good stuff.

A total miracle, considering I still have a full time day gig to pay the bills, which I am sincerely grateful for, (temping for a year prior to this daytime gig, has cured me of any work apathy), as it leaves me free to pursue the love what I do gig by night, with all guns blazing.

I'm working for a brand that I'm passionate about, while networking like a maniac and hanging with / networking some truly inspiring and wonderful people. I feel so lucky and blessed right now.

What's going on with Big B and me? Well sad to say we're all washed up and I'm gutted. Really gutted!

Remember that miserable year of temping I had, when literally everything else in my life went down the toilet? Well that's the same black hole Big B's wading through at the moment.

I've watched sadly, as he's pulled away from me and everyone else, trying to make sense of finding himself in such an awful place. My heart hopes he gets through everything and comes back, but right now I honestly don't know.

The worst thing is...I think he's the one...I know, blooming diva's law !

On the flipside of my diva universe, is the ever-present cancer which continues to invade my Mum's body, despite the fact that the doctors said they'd nailed it.  Bless her Lionheart though, Mum is kicking back hard, wrestling with a demon that's sapped her strength and energy, but she won't allow to take her spirit.

It's also robbed her of her beloved hair !  Mum being Mum, she's already lined up a selection of wigs, to ensure she continues looking her best - yep, I get my divadom from her ! More painfully, cancer has transformed her from a vibrant, feisty fireball into a dreadfully thin, perennially tired,slow moving shell; that is trying desperately to do everything she's always done, at exactly the same hurried pace.

In between me pleading with her to slow down, say no more often (the world will still continue to turn!) and to take the time to listen to her body and rest; she tells me to do my best every day. To promise her, to go after every ambition and goal I aspire to (without trampling on anyone or being shady of course,) and most of all to be happy.

I'm doing my best to live up to that promise, but some days it's hard.  So I take everything one day at a time and I'm happy to say that today was a good day.

The Crying Game

Life is definitely on the up in BB's world.

I've been channelling my day-time thwarted creative into night-time writing, playing music to the max on my sound system, hanging out with my friends and generally being beyond grateful for how chilled and drama free (for the first time in a long while) my life is right now.

Hanging out with Pop on Sunday turned up my life dial up to heartbreaker volume.

Although I hate to admit it, he's finally (after years of defying it) beginning to age.  You can actually see his body and mind slowing down, as well as watching mornfully as he's forced to take mountains of tablets, for nearly every new aliment that attaches itself to him.

The more frail he bcomes, more I treasure his sarky don't give a damn rants,  memory laiden tales, wise words and his golden ability to somehow maintain a rose-coloured belief in me and what I can achieve; to such a feverish pitch that he puts me to shame.

I was fine until we hugged it out at the end of my day with him and I realised just how tiny and fragile he is now.

The exact reverse of how things used to be when I was a kid. Then Pop seemed like the strongest, kindest, tallest man in the world to me.

I almost made it home, but I finally lost it in Victoria Station. That's right, I sat down on one of those horrible plastic waiting seats and had a little cry.

Sure it makes me a total wimp, but maybe it's just the measure of how much I love that feisty little old man, my Pop.

Talk About Fireworks !

I recently encountered my first piece of online hostility from Twitter when a little bit of mischief went haywire.

A friend made a comment about a well-known money 'producer'. I couldn't resist a little bit of playful fun, so replied to them, complaining about their poor 'postal' service. The predictable response from the money producer, was that they actually made coins and didn't deliver parcels doh ! I laughed and then tied up the joke neatly with a "Really"! response.

I thought that was it, but I was wrong.

Far, far away in a Twitter galaxy not too many million miles  past the other side of politeness, two throughly charming individuals entered the conversation with such an aggressive tone, that I was genuinely surprised.

One who called me the 'B' word for being 'stupid' and the other who called me 'easy' (no, I don't know where that came from either ?) and told me to admit my 'mistake' and 'save my dignity'? Over reaction ? Totally. I responded saying his obvious lack of humour was sad and he was very easy to wind up.

Twitter is a universal forum for open, transparent opinions, but verbal abuse, well we can all do without it.

The' B' word has always repelled me and the use of it when insulting someone is just so unnecessary. Surely the English language has more to offer us, in terms of clever word play between 'smart' online duellers? To think that much passion was evoked, by a very obvious silly joke.

Everyone's enttiled to a voice and when it's challenged as an individual you can deal with it, in whichever you see fit. You could launch into a drawn-out online dogfight - battling for your views to be heard or just try to get in the last word.

You could respond in sarky tones or take the higher ground; which is to look beyond sound-offs and be heartened at being part of a global virtual nation, where freedom of speech is to be lauded, not mistreated or diminished by ill-tempered exchanges, often about very little.

In business, as in this example, the money producer's community manager dealt with the verbal ping pong effortlessly.

First, by clearly defining the tone of the exchange.

With good humour.

Several witty responses were issued, followed by a few retweets and a reminder to the user of the' B' word, that it was inappropriate, and that no further responses would be made to the individual concerned, if he continued in that tone. I was impressed.

Balanced live virtual opinions will always be exciting and often challenging, but some will inevitably be met with confrontation and general negativity. In a business this is thankfully addressed by a community manager.

A good one can handle just about anything, that's thrown at them and ultimately reverse a situation favourably, making the role of brand engager, I believe an increasingly vital component within business today.

Want to know what the next messge was that popped up after that Twitter set to ?   "Live is too short - enjoy it!   Exactly.