Sunday, 26 August 2012

Friends Unreunited !

Cover of "The Friends"
Cover of The Friends
First, sorry I haven't blogged for a while. Unfortunately my Mum's not been well at all in the States. Work has been best challenging and R is still bugging me via text (yes still texting !) about getting back together.

The idiot still doesn't seem to be able to register that he's blown it with me and there is no way back !

I'm incredibly grateful that I've had the support of my hardcore friends to get me through everything, along with my loopy, often inappropriate sense of humour :0 )

I have always been someone who has annual clearouts of friends.  It's not that I don't love them anymore, or that we've fallen out with each other. Life is in my opinion way too short to harbour grudges or ill feelings.

But it's just that the natural ebbs and flows of everybody's different lives mean that sometimes you wind up not seeing each other that much. In some instances a few years can go by without you even talking to each other on the phone.

You may eventually in the circle of life, come together again, but sometimes you may not and at that point I remember that 'friend' fondly but respect both our rights to let go of our friendship.

I have always accepted this as a part of my life and my friends old and new seem to feel the same, apart from one particularly sensitive 'friend' Y who I worked with at the very beginning of my career; many more moons ago than I care to admit to.

I have never come across someone so determined to be my friend, whether I like it or not.
Since I left our shared workplace we have communicated sporadically. All communication has been driven by Y and every single conversation has been punctuated by a moan about my never calling her or returning her calls.

Strangely enough, this doesn't sit well with me. One because if I want to do something I will, if I don't I won't. Second I'm not some child who needs or responds to being told off.

I have my own free will and anyone who thinks that they have some ownership of that will, or seeks to put pressure my will, actually doesn't know me that well at all in terms of what really pisses me off.
In the last three months, Y has called me repeatedly, mostly during work hours, phoning from her work and mobile phones, even using the What'sUp app and leaving increasingly desperate sounding messages, always beginning with a 'telling off' consisting of the type of guilt ridden phrasing, you only ever get from your parents.

"You never answer your phone"

"Leave a message, huh well you never ever get back to me, so I don't know why I'm bothering!"

Y called and left a message about a personal situation I'd mentioned on my blog, suggesting that we talk about it, with the presumed intimacy that only comes from a friend you talk to regularly and frankly pissed me off so much that I texted her to say as much and that also I was actually in a meeting. Her response was to ask me when I was free.

Y then followed that up with a text to apparently ask me a super urgent question about a subject I know absolutely nothing about - modelling?

I told her to email me that super urgent question, restating that I was actually busy at that moment, and I'd see what I could do. She texted back immediately saying she was free that evening and I should call her.

Did I receive that urgent email from her ? Of course not !
I knew instantly that the modelling question, was just an 'in 'to talk to me and force me into a conversation, I'd already made it crystal clear I did not want to have.

Today was the final straw for me, when Y texted me to say that she knew I had read her last text message and she expected me to reply to it since she thought we were friends.

I swear for just a minute I thought I was 15 again, back in the playground and bitching because JW didn't come round to my house to hang out after school.

I haven't responded and I won't be responding. I'm done with this unecessary drama, which I know will only get more messy if I respond in the way I really want to.

True friendship to me is about recognising when to be there and when to back the hell off. My friendships are precious to me, but I don't place my presumptions on how a friend should behave on others.

I treat every single one of my friends as an individual who has their own quirks, emotions, stuff going on in their lives I may not know about and ways of dealing with things, including our friendship.

Case in point is a close friend of mine, L who I recently reconnected with after 10 years. Her first words to me were,

"It's so good to see you and I knew you'd find me when you were ready". 

We never fell out, it's just that our lives went in completely different directions, so we never saw each other and eventually just lost contact - simple as. Absolutely no bitterness, no attempts at playground parent guilt-tripping or anything from her.  She just respected the situation for what it was.

Consequently, she was then and is now one of those hardcore friends who has really been there for me recently. I talked to her about the situation and with her usual bluntness she asked:

"Do you owe her money?"

"Have you had a baby for her?"  

"Were you a regular part of her life when you left the place you both worked at? I mean did you see her lots?"

I laughed and said no to all of the questions.

"Then, don't reply. She's acting nuts. You don't owe her anything and she shouldn't be trying to force something that isn't there".

I put down the phone to L, went upstairs and took down Y's picture that has been on my bedside table for years (if you don't like someone you don't have their picture by your bed right?) and put it in the drawer.

Chapter closed as far as I am concerned.

Morning 27th August

This morning Y resent me her message from yesterday - I know ! How nuts is that?

28th August

Phone call during work - ignored by me.

30th August

Text Message : Deleted by me
Rambling message about dreaming about me last night. That I was getting married and she tried to congratulate me but I ignored her. Just like I am doing now. Would I mind calling for a chat.

My thoughts - she has now moved across to the Stalker file in my life.
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