Friday, 30 October 2009

Recruitment and Romance

There are several things that hack me off about recruitment agencies. It's not just the copious forms you have to fill out repeating all of the information that's on your cv, before you can even get a pre-interview with the agency.

It's not the various software tests you have are forced to take; it is the the bloody photograph they insist on taking of you. Why do they need it? "Just so we know who you are!" said the receptionist reassuringly pressing her camera button, managing to secure a blinking, deer in headlights shot of me for the file.

My pre-interviewer was AM, a willowy blonde, who proceeded to talk me through my cv, which she clearly hadn't read. One typing test and 10 minutes later I was back out on the pavement, wondering why I'd wasted my time going to the agency at all; a fact reinforced by my being told that the vacancy I had applied for had already been filled.

I took my rumbling stomach to Mc D's for a grease refuel. Standing to my left was a fortysomething, suited man with cat green eyes and a mega watt smile. "Are they still doing breakfast?" he asked leaning in to hear my response, smelling so damned good I almost licked him. "Yes, but you better get your order in sharpish" I replied smiling.

Waiting for my order I could feel him watching me and as I collected my order, he caught me by my arm and said "Can I take your number?". "Why not" I replied. But as he reached into his pocket for his phone, I noticed the familar glint of a wedding band.

"Not a problem for you is it?" he said noticing where my eyes were fixed. "Actually, it is. Enjoy your breakfast!" I said cheerily, turning on my heels and with my bum wiggling for all it was worth, knowing full well that while he was still watching, I had just avoided one of life's little tender traps.

Monday, 26 October 2009

Call Me !

I can stand breaking the heel of my favourite Jimmy Choos, I am a permanent resident at Heartbreak Hotel, hell I can even tolerate working for HWMBO (although hopefully, not for too much longer); but take away my phone and I am sorry but things can turn mildly hysterical with me.

Having left uncharacteristically early from work, without so much as a click of my red heels, I was at home happily pondering what to have for dinner. One horror filled dip into my overflowing handbag confirmed the absence of my phone. Panic gripped me as I desperately retraced my steps, trying to remember when last I'd seen or used it.

Racking my brains was a cloudy, unfocused exercise, particularly as all I could think about was the number of irreplaceable numbers I had on my phone, along with several random numbers of psuedo men who turned out to be no more than dating footnotes.

I thought about last weekend when in an attempt to clean up my numerous saved messages, I relived some very funny and sad moments. For me at various times in my life, my phone has been a mobile support system. It has enabled me to communicate with my wise family, diverting friends and occasionally taken me on a journey of passison, which has lifted some days from mundane to the enchanted.

Arriving back at my office, I was delighted to find that slick, silver box of memories nestling happily in my in-tray. Must save my numbers to my laptop I thought, before calling F.

Saturday, 24 October 2009

What A Week!

G and I finally connected via phone after several weeks of silence. She is still with the Fool, she continues to pander to his insecurities by seeing him every weekend, while he in turn, satisfies her need for drama by instigating rows about what she got up to before they met. In short it's all just a little bit too fu..ked up for me !

Even when she called me, he was with her in the background and as normal she couldn't resist recounting their latest row. My advice was blunt as usual "Tell that jackarse you are who you are and he should have your back no matter what!". She repeated my words verbatum to the Fool who of course wanted to talk to me. I declined his kind offer.

Back at work I have been beyond focused. I have micro-managed my every move, to the point of boring myself rigid as I morphed into an administrative superbod so effectively, that HWMBO commended my efforts twice in one week! I know - has he been replaced by a nicer clone?

My new tenant C came over to drop some stuff off on Wednesday, before he officially moves in, in two weeks time. We caught up over a cup of tea and he sealed his place as a new friend by declaring that M's dumping of me was evidence of my having "...a lucky escape!".

Friday, 16 October 2009

Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh My !

I've been offline for the last few days, as I have been at a motivational team building event or so I thought. My first day was filled with the back-to-back presentations and general go team back-slapping you always expect at these type of events.

The next half day was spent doing more of the same, with me still smarting from JA's (if you need to know what the initials stand for - please let me know, I will be only too happy to tell you!) cutting comments clearly directed at me.

I hasten to add, I ran the whole conference last year with a team of one (not a novice team of 4 plus an events company!) and trust me that conferece was the business!

M and I were looking forward to sitting on the train and just for once, going home at a reasonable time until, yes you've guessed it, a timely voice message from HWMBO requesting our immediate return to the office, to "clean up a few things" before the weekend, turned happish Friday into shit Friday in a matter of seconds as anything to do with him, is never simple.

As we walked to the office, I noticed a group of about ten secondary schoolboys in a semi-circle. As we drew closer, I noticed two of them were fighting. I don't know what possessed me, but I ploughed straight in the thick of things"Oi you two stop it!" I shrieked sounding like an EastEnders extra.

I must have looked pretty scary or just pissed off and I was also carrying a baseball bat (a prop from our Sporting Heroes themed fancy dress party the night before) because the boys instantly stopped fighting each other. I told one to "..Do one!" and the other one to "Walk away", before I got really ticked off and then proceeded to give the remaining boys a very graphic telling off, which including parental gems like how 'disappointed' I was in their behaviour and how 'behaving like thugs just ain't cool !"

M told me I had made him laugh when I'd 'kicked off', but he knew I could handle things, and we hurriedly tapped away on our keyboards, pulling together the stuff HWMBO had asked for, until M had to leave.

Hammering through my final update of the day with HWMBO, I realised I had just got my groove back. If I can handle a rowdy group of boys , without turning a hair and keep them in check, why the hell am I so bothered about HWMBO and keeping him sweet? I so want to get things right with him. Make him happy and God knows I try my best every single blooming day.

I've spent so much time over the last six months wrapped up in trying to keep everyone happy (mostly HWMBO), being seen to do the right things, team playing like my life depended on it; until my own ambitions, needs and hey just every day joy have been anniliated. Some days I have wondered what is the actual point of continuing to chase my tail leading such a soulless existence.

Well sod it, from today it's all about me and in keeping with our motivational guest speaker - this diva is Taming her Lions,Tigers and Bears and taking no prisoners!

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Introducing .........

As even I get bored with writing and reading back over my ramblings about love, my slightly dodgy life and just things that amuse me, I have decided to introduce an occasional feature to the blog- Drop It Like It's Hot !

Music - New Artist - Mpho

I can't take credit for discovering this South African songbird, S introduced me to her during one of our Apple TV music marathons. Just one listen of her version of Kate Bush classic 'Running Up That Hill', was enough to send me to the i-Tunes store.

Top 3
1. Oopsy Daisy - Chipmunk
2. Want - Natalie Umbruglia
3. Sweet Disposition - The Tender Trap

Hidden Gem - Radio Days, Lower Marsh Street

I stumbled across this beautiful shop near Waterloo station. They sell Vintage Clothing Collectable's Memorabilia from 1920's to1970's. Well worth a visit.

Beauty - *Relaunched* Stay Matte Foundation, Liquid, Mousse and Stay Matte Powder

Back with a bang, an old favourite of mine is Rimmel London's Stay Matte range relaunched, with upgraded formulations, matte for up to 12 hours and a containing natural shine-control complex combining three botanicals cotton, chamomile and cucumber. My only complaint as usual, with all of the cosmetics giants in the UK ,is the limited colour range available nationwide.

Fashion - Back to Black and right on trend, leather has hit the High Street ! Go online to H&M, click on their style guide feature and turn up the heat as an interactive stylist. My favourite pick is the strapless faux leather dress £29.99 - guaranteed to get a diva noticed !

Fair to Middling

Sometimes there is nothing more comforting than a day of mediocrity and it is just such a day I have found myself gently nestled in. HWMBO was working from home (relief)! M1 was exhausted from a night spent looking after his sick baby, but just about made it through the day without the caffeine kick of my proplus pills.

I love those little bubbles of energy, which regularly ensure that during various Board meetings, I display all the alertness of a meerkat on steroids - all straight backed and starey eyed!

My mania surrounding my graduation ceremony, has given way to the smug satisfaction of having my tickets arrive, finding a dress I can walk, eat in and hopefully climb the stairs to the presentation lecturn to. My only stumbling block, finding a hat big enough to get my hair into was evaporated when I correctly measured my head circumference !

Just spoke to Tigger, who is still living in rose-tinted bliss with "The Child"or my other favourite name for her "The Hobbit", who Tigger continues to let nowhere near me, for fear of my messing with her delicate, slightly restricted intellect.

We agreed it's been way too long since our last dedicated evening piss-taking/catch up session and made a date for next week. Can't wait - a guaranteed laugh in session with one of my favourite people. Just what the doctor ordered !

Monday, 12 October 2009

Fighting Fit!

There are three things a diva may turn to, to help her get through the shame of being dumped - copious amounts of wine, unlimited retail therapy and the steady demolition of her favourite sugary treat.

I favour a fourth way - the gym or in this instance a hard core session on the treadmill, followed by hitting the punchbag as hard as possible, while visualling it with M2's face on it.

I must have still been sporting the look of a deranged, angry woman on my face during my train journey home, because I caught the eye of a fellow male passenger who declared
"Cheer up darling, it might never happen!". "It already has" I said.
"Let me guess darling, man trouble?" I nodded.
"Don't worry you'll get over it". "I already have" I replied smiling, as I got off the train. M2 who?

Sunday, 11 October 2009

Putting A Lid On It!

Now that the dust has settled and more importantly I have sent a measured, but suitably cutting "....And another thing" e-mail to M2- which really it had to be done, because he's just been such a dickhead. No spark my arse - he has been all over me like a rash from the first moment moment we met, including some very, very soppy text messages.

Ordinarily this diva maintains her cool in break-up situations (with my track record I've had a lot of experience!) and if he had displayed just one morsel of shame, I might have let him get away with that lame kiss off. Being classy can be such a bore sometimes, particularly when you know someone is taking the complete piss out of you. However, M2's 360, plus his dumb arse follow-up text message, definitely warranted him being called out by me, for being the insincere, indecisive wolf that he is.

Who knows maybe he has indeed gone back to his ex, that's what usually happens in these scenarios. The very same ex who he was too scarced to tell that he was seeing me, for fear of jeoparisdising a favourable post-split deal on the house, the business and more importantly potentially losing custody rights to the dog. Yes, you did hear me right his damned dog, or actually his ex's damned dog !

That should have been a flag right there for me huh?. Lesson 101 in the Great Book of Dating, has just been learned !

Saturday, 10 October 2009

Rallying Round !

When the chips are down and a diva is feeling bummed out, she can always rely on her friends to step in and give her a firm talking to.

A responded in typical brutual fashion "BB he's definitely not for you. He just said the right things you wanted hear and got to you that way. Yes, that text message he sent you was stupid, but remember me and H ? I don't want you to turn this on yourself, just forget about him, really who is this guy anyway?"

S & R dropped by to whisk me away to IKEA for sympathy, meatballs and buying something for just for the hell of it therapy. R was uncharasteristically vocal "He's an idiot. It's like he's made this decision without even thinking about it. Not everything is about thunderbolts and sparks flying around. What about slow burn, getting to know someone and hell whatever happened to compromise".

"You went away with him, joined in with him, doing something that scarces the crap out of you (we went to a theme park and I got on some really big rides against my better judgement and so M2 wouldn't have to go on everything by himself - I know you've got to give me 10 out of 10 for effort!) put yourself out there for him and this is how he behaves" . He sounds like an indecisive knob!".

G was even more scathing "What a f..cking arsehole! You're honest with him about what you want, hell you even asked him whether he was in the right place to be dating and he just acts like a total dickhead. What an arsehole!"

I agreed with all of the above of course and thank my friends for reassuring me that M2 should be consigned to box of losers in my past and that his opinion is one to completely ignore.

The ritual of removing M2 began when I deleted M2's last incredibly stupid text to me and ended with me deleting his number from my phone. I then congratulated myself for being tear and sugar free - after all what's the point of wasting my energy and eating my way into a sugary frenzy.

What a difference a year of dodgy dating makes - no expectations - no disappointment - or at least no disappointment big enough for me to feel blue about anymore! Men, I just don't understand them.

Same Old Story, Same Old Song

It appears that M2 does indeed know what he wants and it isn't me. It seems my cynical initial misgivings about M2 were spot on. How I long to be proved wrong by a man...any man....come on there must be one man out there, who is exactly what and who he says he is, knows what he wants and doesn't play games or do a U-turn of moumental proportions.

We have just returned from a few nights away and while seated on my sofa drinking my perfectly made tea, M2 calmly declared that he didn't think there was 'a spark between us, he couldn't see himself falling in love with me anytime soon (what an idiot) but that I was a 'lovely person".

I said I was disappointed, which I was, because he appeared to have put a lot of time into convincing me that he was genuinely interested in me, that I let my guard down really began to enjoy his company and all the silly things like funny and filthy texts and end of the day phone calls; only to find myself disappointed again.

Being disappointed by men is something boring, that I am so used to experiencing, that if a straight, available man actually was genuinely interested in me and then didn't disappoint me, I am absolutely sure the shock would probably kill me!

The effort, time and energy that it took me to suspend my disbelief, open up, talk to M2, get to know him and get 'involved' with him has not been completely misspent. Once again I have learnt a valuable lesson that nice guys can just be a different class of the bad boys (aka bastards) I have routinely gone for since I started dating.

M2 obviously felt sufficiently good about the way he'd left things with me, to feel that keeping the lines of communication open was appropriate, and has just sent the following cheery text message saying that "It was not my intention to make you sad. Keep smiling B". Cheers M2, a truly legendary moment in inappropriate behaviour.

It beggars belief the unfortunate timing and ways men come up with along a generous smattering of temporary verbal diarrhoea which seems to afflict them, when they dump women.

For the record, to the men who read my blog - Being told there is no spark by a man, tells the woman on the receiving end of said statement t,hat they are missing lacking something. It could be anything - brains, beauty, sex appeal whatever. However, in no shape or form is it a nice, cheery, warm, friendly, positive thing for a woman to hear; and the likelyhood of said woman continuing to smile when confronted by this statement, is in a nutshell totally unlikely.

Being told that somebody doesn't seeing themselves falling in love with you, for a woman is like being hurt with a blunt instrument in a very delicate place as both your pride and ego take a double whammy to the guts.

If you then add to that, being told by the same person , that they didn't mean to hurt you, think you're great anyway; then this truly takes the biscuit .....nice knowing you M2, you are a total idiot!

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Back With A Bang !

So for those of you who have been worried about my absence online, fear not. Since last we spoke, my mum has made a swift recovery from her illness. My appraisal with HWMBO was a car crash meeting of two people in a terminal relationship, resulting in me stepping up my efforts to find a new 'opportunity' elsewhere.

I am finally on my much vaulted holiday and enjoying reading, writing, staying up even later then usual and just having some time to myself for the first time in what seems like ages. Another thing which hasn't happened in ages is me receiving the attentions of a good man.

Despite my initial slightly judgemental reservations, M2 continues to be a man on a mission to win my affections. He calls on time, turns up for dates, snogs like a dream (among other things!), is funny, smart, can fit kitchens, bathrooms and is able to lay floors - I know, a man with genuine DIY skills - an allrounder!

How long his pursuit of me continues for, I have no idea, but what a change it makes to spend time with a man who knows what he wants. Correction - seems to know what he wants. I was beginning to think that this class of man was extinct!