Sunday, 13 April 2014

Diva Recap

So here we are, my first post of 2014, and how much has changed since last year. 

This time last year I was loved up with Big B (more of him later), working as a EA for a Anne Wintour Canadian clone by day (she was as wintry as her worksake and possessed an ice pike, where her heart should have been!); while working by night and at the weekends as a social media smarty pants.

By Nov, I'd been canned by Ms Canada for not fulfilling her 'commands' and I ended the year as it had started, haunted by Mum's cancer, which thankfully is currently in remission; but has made such a determined effort to kill her, that it hit her immune system so hard, it's left her struggling to recover her full health.

I returned to the UK from Miami in January jobless and after a week of tears and tantrums, decided I was going to turn my second job being social media guru into my own business. Three short months later, things are ticking over nicely and I'm cautiously happy. Also annoyingly, for my family and friends, I've got into the habit of randomly saying "Love what I do" - I told you I was annoying !

The love front is officially KO'd and I have to say I'm not sorry. Right now if you're a player, a commitment phobe or just don't know what you want, please don't waste my time :0)

Big B and I hit the wall in May last year, when his work life disintegrated in the kind of black hole meltdown I experienced a few years back. Being an alpha male sadly Big B's NY job was a massive part of his confidence and when it went, another side of him emerged.

I defaulted into auto Superwoman mode, albeit a long distance one (him in New York, me in London) rock, supporter, cheer squad etc. I did everything I possibly could to get back the alpha I hooked up with; but the shutters had already came down and he ended it with the classic 'I need time to sort myself out'.

I told him to take his time. Then we entered that familiar run of text table tennis, that some guys resort to if they don't want to talk to you. He'd say he'd call so we could talk and somehow it would always never happen.  It took me right back to the bad old days of Hottie, who I'm sure had a degree in avoiding conflict, by just not being around :0)

I brought things to a head with the kind of direct text that called him out on his behaviour not just towards me, but to other people in his life.  His response was another text saying he call me for the umpteenth time and that's where I ended it.

There's only so many times you can read a message in hope and the respect I used to have for him (which was huge) had been eroded by his inability to talk to me, which I didn't think was a massive ask.

And there you have it the complete 2013 to 2014 recap on all things Divalicious.


Saturday, 12 April 2014

Be Careful What You Wish For, Because You Just Might Get It !

So I'm just going put it out there - after hearing about this much vaulted 'friends with benefits gig', it's definitely not for me. Especially after swapping tales with the girls, over several glasses of wine this evening.  
There were varying points of view around the sofa, but my favourite came from J. Her much younger booty call texted her to say, she's off his bedtime menu at the moment, because he's just started seeing someone.
This is the same booty call who spent the best part of 40 mins on one of their earliest non-dates saying he didn't want a relationship, because of work, his ambitions, his life and pretty much every reason, ever expressed by any man who's ever wanted a booty call without any commitment or comeback.
Being older and infinitely more chilled out, she of course laughed her socks off, at such a heavy moment so early on, and told all of us about it. When she got the thanks but no thanks text, as she'd had her suspicions for awhile that he'd started seeing someone, due to the infrequency of the booty calls, she took it in her stride.

But for whatever reason she actually thought, he would extend her the courtesy of  a text or call her sooner, rather than later to say so, instead descending into the cowardly lion world, of ignoring her text messages.
She asked my advice and I was suitably candid with her.
First be nice - you got what you asked for - no strings, no drama booty calls.
Next - don't take it personally because after all, he had been upfront about what 'it' was from the get go. 

Always reply to the initial 'I'm seeing someone' text message, with general pleasantry such as a 'how's work' and remember to end things on a 'take care' - a quiet way of saying this chapter has ended in a civil way and you wish him or her well. Should you ever bump into them, you can happily say hi, without any 'Made in Chelsea awkwardness.
And finally, learn the lesson no strings, means that on emotional level as well. Don't think for a moment that you're actually 'friends', you're mere acquaintances, which means you should expect absolutely nothing from the other party.
Arr the delights, perils and mysteries of modern non-dating.