Monday, 28 March 2011

THe One Where I Hate Being Right

There are times in your life when you hate to be right ....I didn't have to wait long for K to call. F

irst we had lunch on Saturday. She didn't mention anything about my email and I didn't force things, because I have learnt that people talk to you when they are good and ready.

So on Sunday morning when the phone rang at 08:15 I knew something was up. A phone call that early in the morning at BB Towers means somebody's made an arse of themselves the night before, there's a secret sample sale in town, or the one I dread the most - one of my friends has broken(I up with their other half.

I rolled across to pick up the phone receiver and growled

"This better be good whoever you are!" I said sleepily.
"Hi it's me" K whispered.

"OMG" I said trying to wake up, "You sound terrible, are you ok? What's wrong?"

"Is this how it feels like.....we broke up last night and it's for....for....good this time!"
, she said dissolving into a flood of tears.

Even if you're the best friend in the world, at a moment like that there isn't an awful lot you can say to make things better. So I did the only thing you can do, which is just listened and sympathised.

She told me everything and I mean everything...and even for a love 'specialist' like moi, I was surprised at how badly you can treat someone who loves you and still have them carry on doing so.

Toxic fixes and yes, we've all had one in our lives (if you've ever really been in love) are the worst break-ups to get over and the ones that have the biggest impact on us.

"Part of me is still thinking that I overreacted. Maybe I did the wrong thing? I did, didn't !?" K texted late last night.

If the one you love can't be real with you or is real with you and says all those things you don't want to hear

'I don't want to be in a relationship'

'I don't know what I want'

'I'm not ready',

Listen to what they're saying and then realise that they just ain't the one !

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Why Do Bolters Never Change Their Spots ?

Awhile back I wrote about an affliction which sometimes befalls men who want to have their cake and eat it and then act like single guys - these men are called Bolters !!

When K told me she was back with S again (they've been on and off since we were all at college together), I bit my tongue hard.

S is a nice enough guy, but he's fear of commitment is almost an urban legend. His regular pattern with K is - break-up, get back together, break-up, both see other people, both hear about the other one seeing other people, then you've guessed it... get back together again. And so it goes on.

So you can see why I've held my tongue. My shoulder has been cried on one too many times. This time I have totally butted out, until a series of ranty texts from K.

He's done it again! We were doing great, hanging out together and then he does his disappearing act. I expected it as he always pulls it when we start seeing each other again.

I finally get to speak to him and it's "I need my space"! What the fuck is that about and why does he have to be such an idiot?

He acts like he wants to be with me, then says he doesn't want a relationship.

Unfortunately for her I was in 'tell it like it is' mood. S has prior Bolter form and regardless of what K thinks, he has never promised her anything, but she conveniently forgets this.

Ok stop ! I told you point blank from the get go, that S is absolutely not in the right place, right now, to have the full on, 'real relationship' you want. He has major, major issues to deal with first and they aren't all wrapped up with you.

You can either accept and own the situation. Stop navel gazing and trying to dissect what he's said. His words and behaviour are all the answer you need. Life is too short. If you don't like how you are being treated, then stop seeing him.

You're still my girl, but really you need to WAKE UP!



Now she's not answering her phone and she ignored my Facebook poke.

The truth can be a painful thing, but burying your head in the sand is sometimes worse.

Monday, 21 March 2011

It's Oh So Quiet!

How was my first day without MC - dull....blindingly dull !

I am just not feeling this quiet vibe. Now that N has moved to her new team, instantly the sound levels on our bank of desks has dropped to library volume.

Even D who spends her days multi-tasking, swearing and generally being too darned amazing at her job for her own good, has officially declared our reduced group "boring".

Oh dear ! I haven't been this quiet since I was studying at night school for my degree. The only high point to sitting in an unofficial library is that it gives you a big incentive to leave work on time!

Friday, 18 March 2011

The Wake Up Call and Goodbye

Dinner with A last night was another one of those wake-up calls my friends regularly give me to. She was brutally honest and told me I need to re-focus on work and instead of talking about going freelance - just do it.

As ever she was right. I feel so stuck personally, that If I don't shake things up right this minute in the one area I have control of, I will go just a little bit more nutty than I usually am.

M has already done it. I talked to him this morning. He is fine. His departure was a little more dramatic than I expected from him. Just like MC he decided he couldn't do it anymore and he was miserable so he handed in his notice.

He sounded happy and relieved and I reassured him that if I could turn everything on its head, like I did last year, it would be a piece of cake for him.

We are meeting up next week for a proper catch up and to talk tactics. As you know today was MC's last day. I was ok the whole day but as we hugged it out at his leaving do, I realised how much i'm going to miss him.

People come and go, but a good table buddy with humour and depth is hard to find and even harder to keep in your life. Fingers crossed MC will stay in touch.

I think he'll do a Jackie O on me. JO left us last year, said she'd keep in touch and no one including myself has heard from her since, which is a shame since she was a sweetheart.

Either way, so long as MC's happy that's all that matters. It's pretty rare that people stay in touch.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Birthday Blues !

How was my birthday yesterday? Well it was a quiet one. One facial, one massage, one visit to the National Portrait Gallery and then dinner for one ! My Pop was sick, so we rescheduled dinner to the weekend.

After dinner for one at home and with the threat of playing "All By Myself" stuck in mind - (would it be Eric Nilsson's original or Celine Dion's cry fest?) I was thankfully distracted by a Facebook message from M. He has finally broken free from the chains of HWMBO and is currently working his notice. Hip ! Hip ! Hoooray !!

I am elated. I always felt a little guilty having left him behind to the non-existent mercies of HWMBO, but his news transformed my otherwise crappy birthday to a more smiley one.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Say Hello Wave Goodbye !

"You can have anything you want but you can't have everything"

(or a gentle little reminder of the necessity to choose our focus in life).

Which is exactly what The Grumpster has done. Yes he is no more (which means I am now going to call him MC) and this little diva's smile has been turned upside down big time.

My table buddy is leaving...this Friday!

Why does something always go wrong on my birthday week?

I should have known something was up when MC, ushered me downstairs for a latte in our bar.

For the record I can now reliably tell you that going for coffee at work is in my humble experience not a good thing. It either means you are in for a telling off, an off the record chat in this case one of your buddies is leaving sob !

While I just thought MC's grumpiness was down to being a stressed out (well how else are you going to feel when you are up to your eyes in work), he's actually been completely miserable.

As I listened to him running through his time with the team, I was gutted. First, because I hate to think that anyone has been as miserable at work as I was working for HWMBO and then, because it made me look at myself and ask what kind of navel gazing, unaware pants friend have I been, not to pick up on the fact that he was so unhappy?

I am a total idiot sometimes. The funny thing is, that if I've got to know him and like him so much while he's been 'fronting' (smiling on the outside, yelling inside), then MC at full speed or when he is happy is going to be beyond fun. I am soooo staying in touch with him !

I am mega happy and super proud of him for having the balls to bail out of a situation that wasn't right for him. I can definitely learn something from him. It takes a lot for me to do the same.

I don't know whether its stupidity, stubbornness or fear, but you have to push me to a near breakdown before I leave a work situation. I always felt like I had something to prove. At least I thought I did, before I worked for HWMBO.

What a bitter lesson was learned there.

We spend so much time at work. Sometimes we work to impress our superiors. To secure our position. Sometimes we just work too darned hard period, missing out on friends and family stuff.

Or sometimes like I do way too much, you bury yourself in the one thing you you always feel safe and secure in and that you know you can control entirely.

But at the end of the day, when your head hits the pillow, would you rather do what you love, or carry on 'fronting' because you're afraid to take a chance and go after what you deserve?

MC - I am going to cry on Friday without a doubt, but I know we'll stay in touch, so here's to lattes, funny text messages and before I forget, getting to know you at full speed !

Big hugs,


Monday, 14 March 2011

Start The Week !

I hope all of you had great weekends.

Mine was a mixed bag. On Saturday I made a complete prat of myself, by tripping down (yes down the stairs - in front of a captive gym audience), three steps, when I was distracted by a smiling Adonis in the toning zone.... will I ever learn how to walk and drool at the same time ?

I had just about forgotten my gym embarrassment by the evening aka Karaoke night with the girls - which is pretty rare, now all of the crew are 'locked down' with boyfriends, husbands, children and cats!

The evening started well, then descended into a drunken haze (no. not mine!).

Unfortunately, D has split with K. Its no surprise to her friends, but pretty much the end of the world for her. It would have been ok (well as good as a rubbish break-up can be !), if someone had just bothered to warn me before I started singing.

I sang my two slow standards and at the end of the second one, (which I thought sounded surprisingly tuneful), I bounded off the stage to the sight of D crying into her glass of wine.

I may just give this singing lark or maybe find some cheerier material to vocally massacre, since that's the second time that's happened to me.

On Sunday, I spent the whole day having my hair done - arr.... the things a diva has to do to get the perfect weave. I left with a fiery red head of hair Beyonce and her wind machine would have been proud of !

I love Mondays usually, but as this my birthday week, I wasn't exactly springing out of bed this morning.

It's funny how I've managed to get my job, house, family/friends and all the other small stuff totally sorted and still my love life remains firmly in the toilet.

I could cry about it like 'my bad old days', but aside from ruining a darned good mascara, it would achieve absolutely nothing.

Everything happens in its own time and for a good reason - or so I keep telling myself!

I thought I might be in for a bit of mickey taking from TG today. He read Friday's entry and fortunately is still speaking to me. I was quite nice about him really. In fact it can't have been that bad, because he's just become a follower - Hooray!.

I've decided on The Grumpster (TG) or Man Cub (MC) for his nicknames depending on the day, his mood and just how much I want to wind him up !

Someone who always knew how to wind me up and continues to do so is MS.

He made an unwelcome reappearance in planet BB this morning via text - particularly, annoying since I thought he didn't have my number! It is of course my own fault because...

a) I should never have snooped on him via Linked In


b) I need to take my contact details off my online profile He wants to meet up. I know ! As If !

There are only ever two reasons why an ex ever wants to meet up with you.

1) For impromtu Booty Call (never advisable - if it's good you want more and invariably it's never a full reunion just a friends with bens moment and if it's bad you realise how desperate you were for a booty call with anyone including your ex, who is your ex for a very good reason!)


2 ) To rub your nose in the fact that they are wonderfully happy with someone else (throw in married with children and it's enough to send you into a sugar rush overdose by eating a tub of Hagen Daas at one sitting!).

Oh and isn't it usually the person they ended up dating right after you, which is an equisitely cruel example of sod's law!

It took me exactly two seconds to delete his text while smiling, safe in the knowledge that my days as his deluded, lovelorn, doormat girlfriend are so over !

Friday, 11 March 2011

The Grumpster

I have a new table buddy - PJ or 'the Grumpster' as I like to call him if he's stressing about work!

When he arrived to replace MF, as you know I was on the fence. First because MF was such a great guy and totally brilliant at his job. Second, because he had the best sense of humour and was a brilliant straight man for me.... particularly when I was having a 'dizzy' moment.

I have to say I am pleasantly surprised that its been more of the same from TG, especially since he moved desks from sitting opposite me to sitting beside me.

He is without a doubt one of the most sarcastic men I have ever met.

Fortunately, as we all know banter and sarcasm are definite essentials in anyone I get along with. He makes me laugh a lot and loves taking the p... out of me.

He balances out that acid tongue, with being razor sharp and mega young (I actually winced when he said how old he was, but then came up with yet more nicknames for him ....Man Cub, Tigger, Little Rascal....!)

To cap it all, he owns a mega watt smile that he unleashes on you, just in time to stop you wringing his neck sometimes or alternatively he uses it to cheer you up.

He isn't S or J, but he's almost as good as it gets in terms of replacing them and continuing to make my work fun.

Fingers crossed he stays put !


Maybe it's the hint of Spring in the air, but there seems to have been an outbreak of public displays of affection in town at the moment.

Leaving my gym, in front of me at the building opposite, I was met with the sight of a couple who looked like they were one step away from a full booty call.

Then this morning as I got off the train I practically fell over a couple who looked like they were off to work, (hopefully not in the same building!) because they'd probably wouldn't have made it through the day without meeting up in the stationery cupboard. It looked like only a tidal wave would separate this frisky duo.

Don't get me wrong I'm not a PDA Grunch. There is nothing quite as sexy as an unexpectedly kiss from someone you like, I just think you can keep it classy.

My best 'surprise kiss move' (skm) and this believe me it was so successful that this certain someone blew my mind for quite a while afterwards.

He took me for a leaving drink after work, that turned into dinner and finally at the end of the night, he pulled the skm. So darned sexy !

I was so caught up in my skm,I nearly missed my train going home and when I did finally get on the train, I spent the whole journey home smirking like a cat who got the cream and a side order of salmon too !

Now that's how you do a classy PDA !

Happy Friday guys.

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

How I Dumped F and A Strange Message

Dumping F (the Frenchman) was super easy. Before he could begin another conversation about himself (which he had done all evening) and told me where we were going for our next date, I intervened.

"That sounds wonderful, but just so we're clear, we'd be going there together as friends."

It took him a minute to register what I had said, before he replied.

"Are you really sure about that BB? You've been single for a while and I must be great copy for that little thing you write."

"And there my dear F is the perfect example of why despite the fact you are indeed a 'great catch', you are still single. That enormous ego and rude genes you have, mean that once anyone gets past the surface with you, they found absolutely nothing"

With that I slipped on my short mac and gloves, paid my half of the bill and left the restaurant.

On the way to the gym this morning, I checked my inbox and found this little gem.

Subject: Hi love would like to know you better. You look lovely and homely

Hi Sweet love, something tells me that you look real and ready to give and take what GOD made women ready to give to men, the things that most people don't have. because if you have love you got everything,it's wonderful,because it something that makes you scream out somebody's name. and like fire in your vein.if you got that, then I would like to have it that with you. Let's meet my number is know you want to call me.

Sending you lots of love and my touches..


After that subject line alone ' look homely' - no woman who works out as much as I do wants a guy to describe them as homely, I decided its time to make a few changes.

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

International Women's Day

Today may be National Women's Day, but one lady has 'distinguished' herself from our sex, by showing how completely devoid of commonsense, pride or dignity she is.

The Duchess of York, former wife of Andrew, Duke of York, second son of our Queen, has owned up to accepting £15,000 from a man of ill repute - Jeffrey Epstein.

What makes this all the more grubby is the nature of the man's crimes (precuring and abusing underage girls) and the fact that the Duchess could be brought so cheaply by a billionaire 'commoner', because she is so totally in adept at dealing with her own finances and life in reasonable way.

"It was the first time, I have ever, ever been solvent"

...wailed the Duchess, when interviewed (or should that be 'exposed') by the London Evening Standard, just in time for me to read the grubby story, on the way home yesterday. What offends me most about her is her "poor me" attitude which always come to the fore when she is caught out, despite the fact that she is always 'caught out' by herself.

Where do we start? Her toe sucking Casanova Johnny Bryant, the numerous 'free' holidays she takes every year, selling her soul to WeightWatchers to get through her latest cash crisis, that awful children's book about a red helicopter called Budgie and her last scandal (before this one!), selling access to her ex husband to an undercover journalist.

This woman is so stupid even when she's being shady she messes up !

Thank goodness for every foolish idiot like the Duchess, there are hundreds more, good strong, women who'd would rather work three or more jobs than accept money from such a lowlife as Jeffrey Epstein.

Ladies I salute you and wish you all a Happy International Womens'Day !

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Foot and Mouth 2

Gone but not forgotten Ms Thang has been replaced by an deadpan Eastern Europe princess who has a very limited sense of humour.

I have been dealing with her humour bypass quietly, resisting the temptation to wind her up, until we heard news from Ms Thang who has relocated to Dullsville.

I always knew that eventually she would find, that her deadly one liners would land her in a whole heap of trouble. A new work colleague excitedly showed MT her engagement ring.

"It's beautiful, isn't it? It's just what I wanted and we didn't break the bank either. I can't believe it only cost £500. I'm so lucky!"

MT's grip on tact and sensitivity is a pretty slim one, so it was no surprise for her to reply curtly.

"Only £500. Where did you get it from Argos ?"

If her response had been directed at diva like myself, I would have hit back and said,

"Well at least I have an engagement ring darling!"