Saturday, 30 January 2010

Ok Enough About Me...for Today Anyway!

So because the world clearly doesn't just revolve around me (despite my delusions of superior importance!)and I am not the only person in the world job hunting at the moment, I have to tell you about how N's interview went this week.

N is Italian, funny, quirky, feisty, highly intelligent and rather annoyingly gorgeous. She manages to look great in everything she wears and as is essential for anyone whose a friend of mine has strong opinions, about everything!

Did I also mention that she is a super talented journalist and it is for this talent, she found herself being interviewed for a role with petrochemical giant. All sounds pretty ordinary right, until the actual interview began.

First her interviewer asked her to interview him and then he asked the following:

"Can you tell me who's the current American secretary of state"?

For my American readers, I know it's Hillary Clinton, but remember N is Italian, was hungover and hadn't had much sleep, so N replied.

"Could I get another question?"

"They are not going to get any easier. You said in your CV that you read the Financial Times every day. So please tell me who is the Egyptian president?'' For the record, does anyone out there know who the present Egyptian president is?

At this point, N hit the humour trail, adopted by divas eveywhere when faced with situations for which there is no instant answer...

"Can I call a friend for a suggestion?" (smart arse comment, worthy of moi!)

"But this is not a TV show?"

"Aright, can we go back to me asking questions then?"

"This is not what I had in mind"

"Think I have humiliated myself enough though."

"Ok then, ask me a question"

"Don't you think it's more important to have skills than being an encyclopaedia?"

"Say you have to interview the CEO for this huge media company but his PA was unco-operative, says he's always busy - what would you do?"

"I send him a video or I stalk him at work"

"Ok that's good and if that didn't work?"

"I go out with all his friends, talk to them and eventually force him to speak to me"

"Ok good. A personal question for you now" (and this is where things really got kooky!)

"How is your health? Why are you so slim?" (I've known N for a few years now and she has always been blessed with body of a supermodel and the appetite of a builder - the cow!). Her response, having missed breakfast was to reach for a biscuit!

"Is this to show me you are not anorexic? Anyway, I am judging you for your charm and appearance, don't get me wrong, those are really good."

"I am not anorexic at all" (At this point N's restraint must be commended!)

"Boyfriend?" (What does that have to do with any interview you've ever been too?)


"Would you like to say something else?"

"Yes. I know you have mixed feelings about me in this moment but don't worry ... even my mother does". (Something every woman should know!)

"Why are you not scared of me? Normally people are, I always try to make small talk at the start..Maybe I should try to smile more.What do you think of this interview?" (Not all English men are hit with Hugh Grant slickness!)

"I don't think I can offer you the counselling you so clearly need, but in a masochist way I have enjoyed it", replied N.

After listening to N's story, I realise I've got off easy ! I've never had an interview quite that weird!

Friday, 29 January 2010

Happy Friday !

Today I caught up with up with A, who gravely delivered the news of my work 'demise', to our coffee crew. The response from my favourite, beautiful Polish boy server, was "Tell her we miss her and she can pop in for coffee anytime".

Arrgh such warmth - of course if this was translated into a date it would have worth getting canned for!

Back at BB Towers my enforced presence at home has resulted in a not unwelcome bonding with C, and a lesson about judging people without really knowing them for me.

I was pretty grumpy about C moving in, despite the obvious advantage of having some extra money coming in. However, over the past few weeks I've got to know him properly and I have to say that he is pretty darned cool and sarcastic which I fully appreciate.

It's also given me a wake up call on my ability to judge people and forced me to acknowledge what a picky cow I can be, not so much with my friends but definitely in relationships.

G is always saying how fussy I am and you know what she's right. I've made enough lousy man choices over the years to entitle me to finally be a little more discerning about my choices. I may not be perfect, but I am fabulous and instead of repeating it and never quite believing it, for some reason at last I do.

As my favourite character from Glee Mercedes Jones would say "I'm Beyonce. I ain't no Kelly Rowland !" Snap! Snap!

Thursday, 28 January 2010

Embracing Limbo

I am drawing to the end of a very productive week. At the begining of the week I was a little apprehensive about what the future has in store for me.

Despite being refabulitized at the weekend by L (my new career direction clearly warrants a new hair colour and shoes to go along with it!) life in the limbo lane has been hard.

However, in the space of three days I have finally made time for me.

Monday, 25 January 2010

Things To Do To Keep Yourself Occupied !

Being placed on an unexpected 'work vacation', leaves a diva with a lot of time to fill! I have worked out a keeping busy schedule which should if adhered to, do exactly what it says on the tin.

09:00 - 10:00 workout - this can be anything from dancing round the living room in your pj's for an hour to attempting to follow the latest YouTube fitness guru's class.

10:00 - 11:00 - go through emails - latest potential love interest has introduced himself with the following "hi there whats up foxy doooooo! Bam Bam xxx!" I am still trying to work out how my wholesome profile, continues to draw good men and weirdos in equal measures !

11:00 - 11:30 time out....a cup of tea and a biscuit - old school but so right.

11:30 - 12:00 housework ....

12:00 - 13:00 lunch

13:00 - 17:00 job applications, job application follow-up telephone calls and my biggest pet hate seeing or talking to recruitment agencies.

I know. How bored am I ?

Friday, 22 January 2010

Missing You Already !

Today I ducked out of a multi-leaving do. It wasn't because I wanted to, but to avoid the inevitable awkwardness of bumping into HWMBO.

For one of the very few times in my life, I behaved like a complete grown-up and diplomatically met up with my favourite Aussie minx L for our very last girlie catch up in Starbucks.

After we finished hugging it out, A came and joined me for a latte. It's funny how you can see someone nearly every day for nearly two years, and when suddenly you don't see them anymore, you can miss them worse then someone you haven't seen in a while.

"Oh BB this is the first time I've laughed all day....I miss you!" said A, throwing his head down on the table and letting out a mock sob.

"Me too darling" I said stroking his muscle ripped arm.

"I don't miss you that much", he said shrugging my arm like a petulant four year old and then we did what we do best....laughed our socks off!

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

Is The Grass Any Greener Over There ?

A workaholic forcibly denied the opportunity to feed their habbit is like a man in a desert, who keeps running towards a mirage even though he knows it isn't really, vaguely crazed and longing for the reassurance and certainity of something that is solid. As the days stretch into weeks suddenly your mindset and life can overnight be changed completely.

Tonight I had dinner with G. I filled her in on all my 'news' and then we laughed our way through her work news bulletin and the A-Z of her new Nokia. While I nursed an end of meal latte, she sipped a light desert wine.

I don't know how we got onto my favourite subject surprises, but somehow G managed to utter the words that have stricken fear into the hearts of men throughout the ages. "I'm six weeks late!". I smiled, because if you remember we already had this 'moment' last year, when it turned out to be nothing more than a little prank by Mother Nature.

This time from the look on G's face it was serious. "God, what you won't do to get some attention. This dinner was supposed to be about my woes not yours!" I said smiling, using the old distract your friend if she looks like she's on the point of tears move.

"I meant to tell you,but to be honest I'm still in denial, to be honest we both are!". I reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. "I know you don't want to hear this darling, but you really need to do a test. Then we can figure out what to do".

"We ?" said G, raising an eyebrow and briefly rediscovering her sense of humour. "Of course we silly, you don't think I'd miss the opportunity to laugh at you in birthing classes and watch you balloon up, into a waddling butterball do you?"

"Thanks" she said snappily. "My pleasure Mummy!" I replied mischievously.

On the way home, I reflected on G's news. I'd arrived to meet her not feeling particularly cheerful, the shock of what happened last week has finally hit home and just between you and I, I am completely gutted.

By the time I left her, the consumption I had with my less important issues had evaporated. It's funny how life sometimes taps you on the shoulder and points you in the direction of someone who has bigger fish to fry then you do.

Monday, 18 January 2010

Next Steps!

Today I woke up at my usual time before realising that I didn't have to go into work today. The unpleasantness of Friday has left a nasty taste in my mouth, but being both practical and economically aware, I have no other option than to 'work' through all my emotions and find a new opening, somewhere.

Never one to let the grass grow under my feet I am already beavering away with my new plans. I have decided that I want to try something entirely new.

I've targeted a company I really, really want to work for and am putting together a presentation to knock their socks off and convince them flat out, that they would be crazy not to hire me. I really have nothing to loose, but you never do when you are at rock bottom.

The old me would have been terrified by the limbo I currently find myself in. I still am, but after what I've just been through I know can handle just about anything. January is already turning into a bit of an adventure, albeit a scary one!

Friday, 15 January 2010

New Beginnings !

So you may have noticed I've been a little quiet of late. Why? Well it has finally happened. Today HWMBO and I finally parted company. I won't bore you with the ins and outs, but suffice to say it was short, sharp and excuriatingly painful.

I have been overwhelmed by a wave of love and support from my now ex-colleagues, that it has truly humbled me and made me feel incredibly lucky, despite the unwarranted, unpleasant situation I now find myself in.

They say that sometimes in life you have to throw out the bad to let the good in. I have given myself the task of transforming me and my life as of today. I can't wait to see how I get on!

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Tagged and Mad

So remember how I've been singing the praises of Facebook, well right about now I am seriously reconsidering my opinion. On three of my daily Facebook updates was the cheery note that I had been tagged in someone's photo album.

Oh I hear you sigh. Exactly we've all had the moment when a friend or associate has felt it is a great idea to put our photo in some album they've created, complete with name tag, so everyone knows its you!

In this case those pictures actually resemble a pint size fat gummy bear. You know the deal, your chest looks like its big enough to feed a nation and when you can bear to look at your face and your smile, all you can see is lots of gum and some very small teeth!

Whichever way you look at it, these are not the type of images you want of yorself floating around the internet. To find they've been posted by one of your best friends is particularly annoying and just a little cruel. Why would a 'friend' knowing your flaws want to expose them so publicly?

My response to S, who surprisingly isn't picking up his phone was the following text.

"Darling, I loved your Christmas presents, but I hate those pictures. Please take them down. Now!". Hopefully he'll respect my wishes and my privacy and does the right thing I maybe Little Miss Open book, but some things or pictures should remain undercover !

I'm hacked off on two levels about the situation. First about the Facebook album function which basically leaves the taggee at the mercy of the album creator. There's no option for the person's who been tagged to reject the picture and say they don't want it published. I know you can untag pictures, but that's not the point!

Secondly, I'm annoyed by the double standards of S. Only this weekend over a particularly lovely roast dinner, he told me he had pleaded with a friend not to publish a dodgy picture of him online.

Guess what - she didn't! She is clearly someone who listened first and then decided that it wasn't worth upsetting a friend over. Let's see if S is as bright as she was!

Monday, 11 January 2010

Back On The Treadmill

Along with chucking out the Christmas tree and accepting that you can't go on eating like a turkey into the New Year, going back to the gym in the New Year, is one of those moments no self respecting diva can afford to avoid.

Motivated by my sexy new gym gear (Brazilian yellow top and forest green go faster tracksuit bottoms!)and sale bargain running shoes, and the distinct beginnings of a spare tyre around my middle, I hit the gym with all all the enthusiasm of a root canal visit to the dentist.

As anyone knows January is New Years resolution month at the gym. Suddenly you have to queue for the treadmill instead of just going on it. Everyone on the cross-trainers seems to have decided they are doing double-time and if think you'll get within touching distance of a swiss ball you're dreaming !

At the end of an unintentionally hard, cross trainer session(why is it when you think you are decreasing the resistance, you only seem to increase it!) I headed to the changing room almost turned tail, when faced by changing room full of women of all shapes and sizes in varying degrees of undress.

As I picked up my bag and struggled to free my head from a hairband, I had put on so tightly it had transformed my forehead, temporarily into a Croydon facelift, I overheard two friends talking.

"Where did all this come from ?" said the first tugging at the very generous handful of flesh which seemed cemented to her stomach and thighs . "Try Christmas, New Year babe", chimed the other. Argh the joys of sisterhood !

Saturday, 9 January 2010

A Night At The Museum

If there's one bugbear I have as a serial dater, it's dates who are late. As I stand there waiting for them, I am often gripped by that teenage moment, where the boy or girl you liked said they'd meet you outside the cinema and they never showed up.

KL was 15 minutes late, having proceeded to our final destination without me and was completely unapologetic. Five minutes later, we discovered the exhibit we had come to see had been 'cancelled' and which meant we were 'forced' to go and see the dinosaurs.

Ordinarily this would a great date - I may be fashionably fabulous, but I also have to admit I'm a big kid when it comes to dinosaurs. When I was a kid the Natural History Museum was one of my favourite places to visit.

I enjoyed myself but he didn't and made no attempt to hide his boredom, so we went to the pub. Two drinks later and I was ready to call it a night. He was so serious and uptight, it was obvious I was just a bit to lively for him.

Outside the pub we said goodbye. We exchanged chaste pecks and then hugged. I thought that was it, until he suprised me with a second hug, then an unwelcome intruder into proceedings - his tongue!

I adopted the defensive mode, locked pout which ended his advances, but not before I had been subjected to the very worst case of bad breath I have ever had the misfortunate of being party to. He took the hint, released me and then said he'd call.

Why? Oh why do the guys that want to call me always have issues? I mean what is the correct way to tell a guy, "You're hot but your breath stinks?"

When I spoke to G, she said "Just tell the bugger that he's a nice enough bloke, but his breath stinks!". Honest, yes. But just a little too harsh in its content and proposed delivery for my liking! It's all very well being disappointed. But there's no need to be rude!

Friday, 8 January 2010

Persistence Pays Off !

After a particularly trying day back in the office with HWMBO breathing down my neck and TP leaving (I am going to miss her withering looks and teasing of N!), I thought a quick Facebook catch up was in order and I am so glad I did.

Among my various friend updates was news from L. You know how we all have that one loopier than loopy friend. You know the one I mean. Always up for anything. Always super enthusiastic about life and love and all the more endearing for it. Couple this with a heart of gold and a car crash lovelife and that's L all over.

Well that was L's lot until now. If you think I'm a disaster when it comes to love, L surpassed me by miles. Her dating disasters spanned years, were numerous and even included making the world's most clumsy lunge/pass at Tigger (see The Wonderful Thing About Tigger, May 2009).

Through all of her date trials though L remained largely positive. I'm not saying she didn't have her Miss Havisham days, spent in bed, eating and watching dodgy roomcoms; but overall she was a real trouper and a very persistent little minx at that!

After two and a half years of consistently showing and telling her 'beautiful boy' housemate (who initially responded to her efforts by continuing to date everyone other than her !) how perfect she was for him, he is now her fiancee.

I couldn't be happier for her as she is a real gem who truly deserves to have the fairytale happy ever after. The fact that it's happened like a bad roomcom script has made it all the more amusing.

After the last few weeks spent 'decluttering' my home and life, setting myself targets for the year, her success has 'inspired' me to continue to believe in that all elusive special someone. He may have to wait around while I sort out a few more pressing things, but I'm sure when I least expect it he'll pop up....and no, he won't be my housemate !!!

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

Snow Day

I got caught in the snow last night and found myself dreaming like a kid of a snow day. This morning when I pulled back the curtains, I could barely contain my glee as overnight my street had been transformed by a thick dusting of snow, into my very own winter wonderland.

Luckily I had brought my laptop and network card home with me, so I settled down to work, at my laptop in my pj's, fluffy slippers and with a large latte at my side.

I thought I might be bored, distracted or even too undiscplined to knuckle down to some hard work but guess what I loved it ! Me, little Miss Sociable got more work done sitting at home, than I usually do in an office filled with people.

I realised that it isn't actually necessary for me to work from an office or in fact long-term to work for anyone or do a job just to pay the bills. There is a the light that goes off in my head sometimes, that tells me I should work for myself and this is the light that I intend to follow this year.

A flashing message from my date from the other night convinced me that concentrating on my career right now, might not be such a bad option ! Love can wait for the time being!

Monday, 4 January 2010

Nose To The Grindstone !

So how was my first day back at work? A shocker! The morning wasn't too bad, I beavered my way through emails and phone calls, quietly congratulating myself for being so organised and focused and secretly pleased I had worked through Christmas and the New Year.

But a two hour update meeting with HWMBO left me quietly seething, as he peppered our encounter with barbed asides like "Why did you do that'?" and lots of "I don't understand why you....!."

I've always hated working with dissective colleagues, you know those people who need to understand everything, break it down, micro managing the most basic tasks, picking away at things until you are left feeling that nothing you do will ever be right for them.

I left his office angry, humiliated, and more desperate than ever to get myself out of a situation which daily makes me wish I'd stayed in bed. Two pep talks later from D and L and I had pulled myself together, which was lucky as I had my date to look forward to and what a date that would be!

SS arrived charmingly late by some 20 mins, mumbled something about having to work late, than proceeded to give me an A-Z of his life, without leaving any space for a response, however small from me. I lasted 30 mins, before politely excusing myself and exiting onto a ice coated street.

Sunday, 3 January 2010

New Year ! New Man!

We are just three days into the New Year and this diva is not letting the grass grow under her kitten heels. Today I have decluttered the house, following steam cleaning the carpets yesterday - a rarity, but an unexpected pleasure releasing all that nasty engrained grime from my sexy shagpile!

And, (as if you didn't expect it), I have a date tomorrow. Now calm yourselves, I haven't taken leave of my senses and and decided that the prick G who sent me that condescending e-mail (see Email Madness entry) is 'The One', no this man is brand new!

Having learnt my lesson about the perils of locking horns with unreliable, fickle young boys, I am happy to say that SS aka 'Sexy Smile', is a grown up 40. He is 6ft, has no children and describes himself as normal, solvent and looking for a normal woman without issues.

Maybe I'm too fabulous for him.....but you never know !!

Saturday, 2 January 2010

How To Tell Someone To Get Lost !

A few of you have asked what happened with DG. Well in a word nothing....after successfully mounting a second disappearing act, as of today DG and I still haven't spoken.

Things are a little different this time, because I have taken charge and ended things permanently in that annoying polite way that men hate, but are secretly relieved by - via email. My efforts are below:

Dear DG

Happy New Year and thanks.......for disappearing do that so well...I get the hint we're not talking again! The difference is this time I am making it permanent. Just for the record the way you have behaved toward me has been like a (and these are your words, not mine) complete twat!

Disappearing the first time was silly, but doing it a second time is totally not cool. Not even a response to a Happy New Year text.? Pathetic, I'd expect that type of behaviour from a boy not a smart, articulate grown man with a child. If you had any doubts or issues about me all you had to do was to have a conversation with me.

I've tried to meet with you face to face several times, because I don't think you can actually judge someone from talking on the phone and texting. You need to make the effort to spend time with them a few times, then decide.

Each time there's been an excuse or a let's do it another time from you. If you couldn't be bothered to make the effort, if you'd changed your mind or met someone else you really liked closer to home; again a conversation would have dealt with things, instead of turning a really simple situation into something unpleasant.

The last time we spoke, I asked you what was up with you, as you'd been distracted for the last few days and did you want to tell me anything? You told me everything was fine and you'd see me at the weekend and call me the next day.

Since then nothing.....which in my book makes you a bit of a coward - what did you expect me to do, if you had talked to me? Yell at you - not my style and very childish. I prefer to listen.

All of the above makes you a very special piece of work DG. I actually thought that you were a genuine, good guy, slightly off wall humour wise maybe, but ultimately one of the good guys. Instead I find you are just another dishonest player ......and you know what that isn't a compliment. I prefer to be upfront with people and be honest with them about what's on my mind.

Thanks for making the beginning of 2010 so completely memorable for me! You should be very, very proud of yourself.

I don't hold grudges, so I wish you well in 2010 and with which ever lady you end up with, but I am really disappointed in you. I expected better from you and even if things didn't work out, to at least be able to call you a friend. My mistake.


While a diva may make the mistake of giving someone a second chance, where it is not truly earned, she never forgets to end things permanently with style and class and on above all - on her terms.

Friday, 1 January 2010

Email Madness !

I have just watched the corniest chick flick ever - The Holiday and dare I say it, I loved it! For the first time in I don't know how many years, I watched a movie so completely unrealistic about love and its many complications, featuring impossibly gorgeous people who by some flunk of circumstance had love lives equally as crappy as mine.

By the end of the movie, the fairytale had happened, everyone's problems had been resolved and surprise, surprise everyone was happily in love! Buoyed by spirit of optimistism I checked on my internet dating account and found this gem of an email (complete with spelling mistakes!) from well....I'll leave you to make up your mind about what type of guy the author is.

Happy New Year and nice to meet you (we have never acually met, this email was our first pointof contact). First and foremost your profile looks wow but having analysed your Perfect Match, could you please tell me a little bit on Education, Income and why and why not you beleie marriage is important/not necessary.

I admire the fact that you are educated to Degree level.Was it a 2:1 , 2:2 or 1st. Obviously from the look of you would you want me to guess?

Just a little bit of clarity about myself.I have been at university but did not fulfill the degree course. So I have taken a gap year out and hopefully will be returning in the next academic year. Before I proceed, let me hear a brief acknowledgement from you. Expect a wink in a bit. Stay sharp and positive



Once I had stopped laughing at the sheer deluded arrogance of the man, I find a few choice jolly words of my own to describe him, the phrase self important judgemental prick came to mind quite quickly!

What is so hysterical about his email to me is most definitely the probing tone and the expectation of a prompt response from me 'thrilled' at receiving his email, by way of a online wink!

This guy clearly thinks he's such great catch and just wants to check that I match his requirements? Forgive me, but since when did my degree grade and income play any part in my desirability as a date?

Maybe they might be relevant if this idiot was a divorced high-earner supporting multi ex-wives and children or millionaire, but this is coming from guy who is a self proclaimed university dropout, looks like the back of a bus and whose own online profile has next to nothing by way of information about him on it!

Looks like 2010 is going just as much fun as 2009 on the dating front ! Bring it on!