Monday, 27 September 2010

Next and Cheater's Progress O, who wanted to know how I got on with TF. He could bearly contain his joy at hearing FT had struck out, but seeing my face, pulled back just in time to save the situation by saying we should go out instead and reassuring me that he would show up!

O is a massage therapist - 6ft, shaved head, built and....arr....well I'm not getting too excited, but if you go on a date with zero expectations, anything beyond that is a bonus right?

While I'm sort of on a green light,It seems like L's ex, Mr Man is stuck on a red. He just can't stand being dumped, instead of him being in his more familar role of doing the dumping. His room at Heartbreak Hotel, hasn't stopped him trying to turn on the charm so he can express checkout and move back into L's loving arms.

L hasn't wavered since she cancelled her subscription to being part of Mr Man's harem. She's changed the locks to her apartment, returned his belongings first class and politely asked him to continue on his permanent hike out of her life, including a blunt request that he stop calling her friends and family.

His response was deflecton - suggesting they meet to talk and also declaring,

"For what it's worth, I love you".

How ironic that despite 'loving' her, he still had absolutely no problem doing the dirty on her on multiple occasions !

Friday, 24 September 2010

Blown Out and Check Out My New Coat !

You know you are looking mighty fine, when not only your work colleagues tell you, you look great, but the hottest gay man in the office says you look fierce and classy. This was exactly how hot I was looking yesterday, when the Frenchman stood me up.

Long-standing readers of my musings, know that H has left me with a complete aversion for any man who can't be bothered to show up. It is just pain rude!

If you don't even have the balls to come up with a plausible excuse (H never did, bless him he was such a crap liar), then it is particularly galling.

In this instance, I texted TF to say I was running 10 mins late, due to my last meeting of the day over-running. When I got to the station, he had replied:

"Holy moly BB. I am myself stuck in a meeting with CEO and may have to cancel".

"May have to cancel"
5 minutes before the start of the proposed date, is in any serial daters' book really means 'I am cancelling', without actually saying it. Why some men do this, still remains one of life's great mysteries to me.

"What a shame. Let's save toing and froing and just raincheck. How about we try the weekend?" was my response.

Note I resonded positively, without a hinto of annoyance (life's too short!) leaving the ball firmly in his court. By the time, I got off at my station, my phone had still not bleeped.

Fortunately, my days of berating myself when dates or non-dates as this turned out, go tits up are long over. Where men are concerned nothing about their behaviour, on any level, surprises me anymore.

I did what any hard core fashionista does in the face of mild annoyance, I went shopping.

I returned three hours later to Casa BB with a gorgeous new grey wool winter coat, purple clutch bag and matching gloves - truly fabulous !

As for the TF - still no word - I have of course deleted his number from my phone.


Monday, 20 September 2010

Exercise and Man Talk

Today was manic - one new starter, one dodgy laptop,one training session including two big chiefs, one line manager on a delayed plane and one junior member of the team, who is to totally over her boss and I ended the day knackered.

Not so tired that I didn't hit the gym. I took a bet from F last week about changing up my gym regime. I've got to admit I bore easily and pounding away on a treadmill is great results wise, but boring beyond belief.

The bet is that I do a different activity every day for two weeks. Today was body pump - I couldn't bearly walk at the end of the class. I'm wondering how I'm going to get through boxercise tomorrow.

The Frenchman and I are having coffee on Thursday. I've had him on a slow simmer for a while now, because as I've learnt wild intial enthusiasm from me normally equals eventual disappointment.

While from the guys usually means it's a toss up between pursuing me or another, or the case of the players out there, the several other ladies in the frame! The thing that I've finally learnt is play it cool and just go with the flow.

Going with the flow is something you can't accuse B of doing. Since her little drunken escapade the other day, she has been 'dancing'around the object of her desire, until he pinned her down and said they needed to talk.

"What do you think it means? Is he interested?"

"Since when have I ever been able to make sense of what men do and more importantly how their minds work?" I said.

"Yeah I forget" she replied laughing. "But what do I do"

"Email him and just say if he's not too scarced, does he fancy a latte, offsite"

"Oh you are so forward BB"

"No just assertive, do you want this man or not? You need to know whether he's interested right?"

"I guess"

"You are such a woss!" I replied.

Sunday, 19 September 2010

So The Good News Is...

..I didn't contact H. Why make a tit of yourself when there's no need to right?

Instead I went to the gym, cleaned house, replanted my window box with some autumn blooms and had lunch with F who made me laugh with talk about his latest bout of player behaviour.

I marvel at the fact that every single woman who hooks up with him genuinely believes he's a good guy. He is such an accomplished player, but to give him his dues, he never lies to them, makes promises he won't keep or even suggests that they're an item; but still the women keep coming!

Saturday, 18 September 2010

H's Birthday

I've had one of those chilled out days, that you always say you're gonna have on the weekend but never seem to have.

I've made myself busy to distract myself. Tomorrow is H's birthday and being point blank honest, he's been on my mind this week. I'm proud to say I haven't made contact, because that would make me a fool, again !

For once I'm following my own advice and keep repeating to myself.

"He's Toxic stupid, stay away and just remember you were only a vacation from his real life!"

It's funny how the bad boys always take longer to forget than the good ones. You always remember the way they behaved and wished you'd behaved better.

Friday, 17 September 2010

Friends Unreunited !

Two close friends is the average price you pay for falling in love, scientists have discovered.

Research has shown that when people start a new romantic relationship they are likely to lose two members of their inner circle of friends.

One is sacrificed to make way for the new partner, and the other disappears due to being ignored for too long, scientists believe.

I haven't mentioned G lately, because she's now in the file marked ex-friends,due to a love affair (hers not mine)and her recently standing me up (I waited an hour for her - unheard of for me as I have the attention span of a nat!).

When she first hooked up with The Fool, it was like a car crash Romeo and Juliet. ou When they were happy it was like a Disney movie soaked in honey, but when they were fighting it was like the horror movie you want to leave before the ending.

Consequently, I got a really negative impression of him, which wasn't improved by his habit of calling me to intervene when they had some of their worst fights and then when I finally met him - a real non-event. I just couldn't see what she saw in him.

When things hit the skids at work with HWMBO,I withdrew to figure out what to do next. G wasn't impressed.

"You know that is something I do, when I don't know what I'm confused and I really don't know what to do next", I told her.

"I've been so angry with you", G replied.

"Well let's catch up probably and have a good gossip" I said.

That was three weeks ago. She stood me up. Then I heard nothing from her for two weeks until this text message.

"I'm really ashamed I stood you up. I forgot and went up North (to see the Fool). Sorry"

"No worries, coffee's on you next time" I replied, not wanting to waste negative energy bitching. We clearly have different perceptions of what's right and when I'm ashamed of something I've done, I'm the first person to put my hands up and call myself a jerk.

Deafening silence from G.

My friends know that I am old school, loyal and non-judgemental because I mess up regularly, usually in quite spectacular fashion(my career (until recently!),my love life (when sparks into occasional life!).

I totally love my friends and even if I'm not physically there, I've still got their backs.

But I have never put a man before my friends and family - it is the ultimate recipe for disaster.

So good luck G. I hope the Fool is worth it! I really do for your sake.

I Hate You So Much Right Now !

A serial cheater never really changes his MO, he just refines his particular art of cheating, until of course he gets busted. It was this particular lesson that N learnt today when she called me for some long distance BB advice.

Her boyfriend of two years, Mr M has been acting shady for months now. Never around when she needs him. Out of town 'working', but in the only areas of town where there isn't any mobile reception and generally acting aloof and unbothered by anything that's going on with her.

When she hinted at her fears about his 'not being present' in the relationship, he dismissed her branding her as being 'paranoid' 'needy' and distrustful'. He did such a good job on her that she let down her guard and reasoned herself into thinking things were ok.

Mr M thought he'd done such a great job pulling the wall over her eyes, that he made the mistake of using her laptop to contact some of his 'harem' - big mistake, school boy error as F always says, he left his account onscreen with his password.

She hacked into it and the rest as they say is history.

By the time she has learnt about girl number four, her disappointment and anger had reached volcanic proportions and she called me.

As you know I'm no saint and therefore the last person to act all holier than high about this unfortunate situation, but even I'm scratching my head trying to figure out, how this arsehole found the time to cheat on such an amazing woman (I know, I'm biased, but she is a lovely person, who always puts her partner first).

They say that men can't multi-task, well this jackarse had a darned good try!

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

The One Where I Act Like A Twit, But A Friend Trumps Me!

While T is in Barbados sunning himself with his soon to be child bride, I've been running the show and thought I was doing well. That is until I sent a peppy well done note/work more closely your new colleague note better to the entire team instead of our TA.

It was R who broke the news to me. First I thought she was joking and then as I hit my sent box, the colour drained from my cheeks (which is no easy task when you're a sista!). A recall message moment failed miserably, so I apologised to both of the ladies the email was directed at, then ranted for a bit.

Until J pipped up and told me in no uncertain terms to

"Get over it. It was a mistake That's what you'd say to me, if I'd done it".

She was of course spot on and I ended my hysterics like a child who had just been sent to the naughty step.

I managed to avoid making any further mistakes for the rest of the day. Gave FF the kiss off, and VA the green light - why is changing gyms always so traumatic? I was distracted by a text from B

B and I met up at the weekend for a latte and a dose of BB dating advice - I'm great at dishing it out, crap at taking it!

I told her to play it cool with the of her affections and that included staying mellow at the weekly after hours department drink.

I thought she'd listened until this little gem on my phone

"Umm I apparently told anyone exactly what I wanted to do to him in explicit detail"

"OMG!" I bounced back "Well at least I don't have to tell him for you. Don't freak out and just talk to him like normal. It will all blow over!".

"I resigned" she replied. It wasn't accepted by her boss thank goodness !

I laughed my socks off, as she told me everything.

"Don't be so hard on yourself babe. We've all done it. Lust makes you crazy and love dries you nuts"

"Ain't that the truth!"

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Tough Day !

If you think you've got it tough with your boss and as you all know I've been there (HWMBO rooting through my desk to find something incriminating to tell me off about the next day remains a landmark in my former PA career!); then spare a thought for R. While wrestling a terminally jammed photocopier, her boss asked her to come and see him.

"I'm just sorting out the printer" she replied chirpily.

"Don't worry" he said I'll come to you" and in the blink of an eye he was beside her at the photocopier, complete with his laptop ready to resolve his query.

I've heard of multi-tasking, but that is taking things to a whole new level. We laughed as we wondered what would have happened if she said she was off to the loo. Would he have followed her laptop in hand !

Back at our bank of desk Ms Thang, who has been surprisingly quiet of late pipped up with a complete faux pas, which which all of our jaws drop.

As you all know not only am I fabulous, I am also a diva who loves to eat. I am happy to say despite my love of food, I have remained, due to some pretty hardcore sessions at the gym in good shape, but this wasn't always the case.

At school I was one of the fat kids for a couple of terms. Before I discovered exercise,I discovered the ultimate quick fix - throwing up.

It wasn't a full on addiction like it is for so many other woman, it was just something I like to pull out (pardon the pun! once in a while when I was feeling like a beached whale.

After Ms Thang innocently mentioned that she had made a biscuit last for three days (totally weird in my my book and for me a physical impossibility!) I couldn't resist making a quip.

"Next you'll be telling is that you got rid of it via the finger down the throat exit".

"Actually" she said straight faced " I used to do that" .

Wow. If that's what she did after eating a cookie that lasted for three days, what the hell did she do after a proper meal ?

"I hope you still don't do that. Because you know it really isn't healthy or cool " I fired back.

"No" she said measuredly enough not to be totally convincing.

Who said being beautiful was easy ?

Monday, 6 September 2010

There's A Reason Why Men Have Balls

The great thing about being a serial dater is that you that are required to be brave - talking to strangers believe it or not is not a hobby of mine,but having run out of friends of friends, blind dates and wedding hook-ups, it has become a necessity.

It also makes you get real about what you are looking for. After all who wants invest their time and energy into the wrong person?

Unlike a lot of women online my profile is pretty neutral. I don't give a checklist of physical attributes and essential personality quirks, I just say I'm looking for the real deal, a man who is happy in his own skin, not a player and open to a relationship.

In the last two weeks, I have been viewed by 132 men. I have received 67 responses which would probably be flattering if it won't for the quality of the respondees!

I am blown away by the self delusion of some men who truly believe they are the real deal, even when they are most definitely not!

I have been contacted by old men, fat men, sexual freaks (one guy begged me to be his bitch and I could smack him whenever I liked! Ugh!), young bucks(18 is jailbait in my book) and the bitter divorcees - not just the domain of the female of the species !

While I may not appreciate the fish currently trying to swim in my pond, I do admire their balls. Unlike so many women who self sensor themselves, when connecting guys, these guys are so super confident and have a "who dares win" vibe going on that you can't help but admire their spirit.

Take yesterday, I spotted a mountain of joy called J whose witty profile, matched his picture and grabbed my attention.

It took me 20 mins to make up my mind to contact him. Then another 10 mins to come up with what I thought was a great hello email. His reponse was to view my profile, read my email and then go offline!

I concluded this was not a love match ! And moved on or I thought. I then spent 10 mins wondering whether my smartarse introduction was just a little too sassy and whether it was time to update my profile picture for the second time in the last two weeks, as dare I say it myself at the moment, I think I look pretty darned hot my profile picture!

One latte restored my balance and I had to laugh at the fact that my first response was to turn on myself and question both the physical and mental sides of me. I need to grow some bigger balls!

Morning Glory

While my weekend may have been a quiet one, this week has already begun with several bangs.

I walked into the office in time to hear R recounting the tale of her not so magical road trip with the girls to Scotland. It ended on a ultimate low, when the 'tour guide' for the group evicted her own coach party at 3 am in the morning, for not being "more enthusastic" about her tour !

My favourite office crush DB is in the office, looking like a buttoned down Geography teacher, in a white shirt, Simon Cowell like jeans (why do some men not know where their waists are?) and a cotton Gap blazer, which should be all wrong, but makes him look totally gorgeous none the less.

Before you all throw your arms up in horror, don't worry I'm not regressing into my bad bitch ways. DB is strictly hands off eye candy.

As with every eligible guy I have met recently, he is of course completely unobtainable - being happily hooked up with a super hot girlfriend who has given him two super cute children

Also, because after Hottie, I learnt my lesson about peeing in my own backyard with someone who's already taken. Great for them. Rubbish for me and a completely uncool way to behave, by someone who's always banging on about wanting the real deal !

He is however so distracting that I am still recovering from our last department update which was done via video conference.

Despite the fact that he was wearing my favourite hot man uniform of a tight t-shirt and jeans, I surprised myself in being able, not only to string together multiple sentences during my business update, I also knew what the hell I was talking about - result!

I admit I enjoyed the guilty pleasure of staring at him for 90 minutes without him being able to see me, as I aimed the camera our end at S.

S, our IT guru has been sweetness and light today. The best mood he's been in, in about the last two weeks - he's now back to his normal self, which is basically a smiley smartarse. It's so good to have him back on form!