Sunday, 30 October 2011

The Weekend

I'd promised myself this will be a low key weekend after two weeks of me being sick, along with me worrying about my Mum (whose in hospital in the States), but no such luck.

First there's the continuing uncertainity about my work. Yes once again, it's been another weekend spent waiting to hear whether I have 'pitch' dazzled probably one of the sexiest agencies in London, just enough for them to give me a sparkly new contract.

I called my contact about my prospective gig on Friday, only to be told...

'She's no longer with the company Madam'... a flustered sounding receptionist, who definitely couldn't handle another person asking her for all the gory details, so I let her off the hook.

All in all, it's been a pretty lively weekend. First I got three lovely emails from some followers from a review site I write for, who told me I'd been picked as their 'Reviewer of the Week' - a small accolade I know, but this little diva, appreciates any words of praise, especially when its attached to her writing :0)

Then, I heard Sir Jimmy Saville had died aged 84 yesterday. For some reason he was one of those people who always seemed old, to me, even when I was a kid. I thought he was indestructable, so I was really sad to hear the news.

Fortunately, my shock didn't diminish my humour tank, because just a few hours later, I indulged in a really satisfying Rebel With A Cause Moment 101 - by eating a very large cream filled doughnut in my.....gym internet lounge!

The filthy looks I received from several sweat drenched gym bunnies, on the point of self induced collapse, was enough to put a massive smile on my face!

Poor darlings ! They clearly failed to understand the real reason for going to the gym is so that you can continue to eat !

I was in the gym internet lounge because horror of horrors, my laptop has died....well it hasn't quite reached the blue screen of death, but it can't load even the most basic programmes or connect to the internet damnit!

The gym lounge was my last resort, which would have been perfect if it has been loaded with the basics - Microsoft Office. No, that would be way too reasonable.

Some smart alec IT guru at Head office no doubt, assumed that all gym members would ever want to do was surf the net..argh no, not quite!

I caught up with A today to celebrate her new business being launched (so proud of her :0) and to fill her in on the end of the PB situation.

Since we're through, I can happily reveal his aka (not given to him by me, but by'friend some of his other 'friends') was Pootrick or Pooh Bear!

Two cutie pie names, that are definitely at odds with his far from cute behaviour.

My original suspicions about him were unfortunately, spot on and my failure to lay out 'the goodies' to him at our last meet up, has resulted in him becoming a 'Bolter' or actually I should call him an 'OTTR Bolter!'

PB's inability to respond via text or phone to my apparently terrifying texts

'How are you doing?' and

'How's work?' texts, told me all I needed to know.

I deleted his number and happily consigned him to the 'oh well' man bin, without another thought.

Roll on next week !

Monday, 10 October 2011

A Man Of His Word

I love being wrong...about some stuff....particularly when it's to do with men. Also S, whose guy advice is usually on point....this time...yep, he was wrong too. I am so going to rib him about it !

PB's "I'll try" - well we can cross that line out and replace it with "I'm around this evening". Yesterday, after I finished catching up with the girls, I headed across town and despite him being up to ears in yet more work, we hung out together.

He was exactly the same, (lush) though a little distracted with trying to balance fire fighting a situation at work and chilling out with me, but I didn't care. He made the effort to see me and that's what counts big time.

I left early to let him deal with the work stuff and walked to the station with a big smile on my face. It's sooo nice to be surprised as opposed to disappointed. :0)

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Is There A Doctor In The House ?

I think we are in need of a Dr Love 101 at BB Towers or a maybe just a straight love intervention, because while my love life is now back on red, it pales into a purple haze behind the misery of my lovelorn housemate.

The rather fabulous J, moved in with me after one of those 'I didn't see that coming' break-ups we've all had with the one person, who we were totally nuts about.

The intensity of the break-up, not just losing the man, but the life and plans she had with him, finally caught up with J yesterday she cried me a river of tears in the living room.

I've watched this lovely woman beat herself up with self doubt and self loathing. Relentlessly running through the A-Z of would haves, could haves and should haves, and getting more and more sad.

At times she's been like a zombie lost in her thoughts, while smoking endless cigarettes in the garden. Do I sympathise ? Entirely. Sometimes love really sucks. Especially, when you are still in love with the person whose rejected you.

But there comes a point when J and all those other broken hearted's out there, have to let go of the hurt, accept what's happened and move on.

If you don't accept things, you're lying to yourself and prolonging your own misery.

If it's the real deal love, you'd be nuts to expect to be able to turn it off like a tap. Love can make you a little crazy and it is completely indiscriminate about how it affects all of us.

I've watched it transform some of the most cynical souls into positive rays of humanity. But equally I have seen it destroy some people's core relationship values and sometimes turn them into carbon copies of their own love tormentors; with their new partners.

How you handle rejection, in life and in love, is one of the great measures of the person you are. I've only had my heart broken once and it wasn't until I accepted it fully, forgave myself for some less than lily white behaviour on my part, that I was able to get over him.

Although it hurt like hell, even now falling in and out of love with that particular person remains the very best love lesson I've ever had.

Am I cautious in love?...darned right I am! Disappointment does that to you, but my heart is 100% open and needs to be treated as such, because once you win it, you will be treated like gold by me.

When I'm in a serious relationship with someone, I'm always optimistic, because I've got no reason not to be. I'm a fan of me - I'm a nice person, (not a supermodel yet, but a diva can dream!), no just a sassy, smart arse and loyal to a fault, so why would I be with someone who didn't see me in the same way.

Honestly, why let yourself be beaten by a situation you can't change. You can't 'force' someone to love you again. Forgive yourself, deal with it and park it. That is how you make peace with your pain and unbreak your heart.

J, hang on in there girlfriend and stay strong !

Saturday, 8 October 2011

The Waiting Game

So this playing it cool and acting all grown up date thing is hard work, especially for a spontaneous, dating whirlwind like moi.

PB is smack bang has been in launching a new business. He's up to his eyes in work, work and more work. He texted once this week, to thank me for helping him out with connecting with some potential new business contacts and ended the text with "I'll try to meet soon x"

"I'll try"

Two words (up there with "I'm married", "I'm gay" and "I'm leaving") that no dater wants to hear from the object of their desire. From a guy it means - seeing you again has the priority level of him loading his washing machine and from a woman generally means after she'll get back to you after she's reorganised her wardrobe/closet.

I hit the ball back over the net without thinking (what's new!) and said 'No worries' like some Australian schoolgirl (since when did Neighbours dialogue, form part of my daily smart arse vocabulary?), and that I'd hold a good thought for him and the business launch.

S gently broke down "I'll try" into what I already knew it was, which is "I'm just not into you enough to fit you into my busy schedule".

I always ask S for a guy's perspective, as I genuinely have no idea what goes on in their minds or texts!

I totally, totally appreciate the pressures of starting up a business and the mammoth effort you need to build it, but I also question the importance of balance in your life.

Even if it's grabbing a cup of coffee together (which would have been absolutely fine with me), it's about effort and quality, not the length of time you have, especially when you are getting to know someone. You don't say you'll try - you just do.

I thought PG rocked on the personality and charisma front and from a deeply, deeply shallow height/looks front (which is unusual for me) was a total scale up from the usual funny, short guys who I like and seem to graviate towards my equally, height deficient self.

Unfortunately for me PB didn't feel the same, so ho hum at least I had a one great date with him and I wish him every success with his new business, which I know he is going to do really well with.

Sunday, 2 October 2011

The Date!

So how did the date go? At the risk of tempting my post date hex (how I long to break that one!), surprisingly well !

Because it was so darned hot, my 'what do I wear moment' wasn't an issue. I settled on my favourite purple maxi-dress which looks great (so I've been told) and I can eat in it, without me looking like I've swallowed a whole micro pig!

PB racked up BB points from the get go. First, he turned up (an elementary action I know, but forgotten by some of my previous dates!). He was on time (mega brownie points for that one. Come on, you know my history guys!). Finally, he looked lush in a white shirt, casual trousers and birkenstocks.

I had to remind myself first, not to grin like some insane smug cheshire cat and second, not be too amused by flunk of being out on a Saturday night; instead of being settled on the sofa multi-tasking, watching the X-Factor, while tweeting and texting friends.

I was a bit worried that my proactive pre-date venue suggestion - a little bossy I thought, might have put him off me, but he said he appreciated it.

So we headed towards a Covent Garden bar. Onto Embankment to another bar for a cheeky drink and some food, before finally heading across the bridge to the Southbank, for an unexpectedly romantic walk.

I thanked my lucky stars for wearing sensible shoes and for PB being so easy to get along with. The banter was all there. He was funny and self depreciating. Just the right side of cheeky, opinionated and smart.

Oh, and he's got one of those mega watt smiles that's got me into a lot of trouble in the past!

For the first time in a long time, I cursed living South of the river versus his central London location, as I nearly missed my last train home, ecause bI was having such a good time.

Am I seeing him again? I'd like to.

Instead of working myself up to some post date perfect storm, I've left the ball in his court.

If it's meant to be then I'll see him again. If not, I went on a great, chilled date that I enjoyed.

Saturday, 1 October 2011

Things I Have Learnt This Week

1) I still know absolutely nothing about dating.

Remember OTTR guy. Well it's back on! I know. I got clobbered by S, for being too harsh in my response to OTTR guy's no show text.

"Cut the guy some slack, at least he didn't leave you standing there like some mug and he does want to see you. Drop the ego and just sort out another day to meet up ".

Well that was BB bodyslammed. So I did exactly what I was told to do.

Good friends are amazing when you're in a state of self doubt about your more rash decisions. I'm one of those people who have learnt that when my friends pull me on my behaviour, I should always listen, because they are doing it with love and care.

Regardless of how laid back I think I am, I can be just as harsh, untrusting and judgemental as the next person. Something I can choose rather conveniently not to accept at times.

2) The V & A really is one of London's most underrated museums.

It is not only housed in one of the most beautiful buildings in London, it also hosts some of the very best exhibitions. I saw the Annie Lennox and Performance exhibitions this week and they were both awesome.

3) Women's locker room talk is beyond boring.

This week at my gym I have overheard discussions about the best biscuits, how hard it is to find good a swimsuit in Autumn and the startling revelation that yoga teacher 1 is much better than yoga teacher 2. I now get changed with my earphones on to avoid such tedious conversation !

4) If you are walking through Victoria Station in the evening rush hour, there is every likelihood that you bump into the one ex you really don't want to be see - cue my encounter with Mr Scotland - awkward !

5) Giving someone the two fingered salute is sometimes more effective than yelling insults.

I reserved this particular blend of unladylike, but appropriate venom for a tango tinged Italian, driving a ridiculous sports car this morning in Knightsbridge.

He yelled and swore at me in Italian, because I didn't cross the road quickly enough for him. It was so completely unecessary and I couldn't be bothered to waste my precious words on him, so I wheeled out the two fingers salute. He was dumbstruck and my point was made without having to raise the volume, flick my weave or throw a filthy, dirty look.

6) NO is still my least favourite word in the dictionary. I have heard it every day for the last two months in conjunction with just about everything important in my life, that I need to get moving and I no longer accept it. I find ways around it.

Persistence and blind faith are definitely the key.