Saturday, 31 December 2011

Happy New Year !

First I want to wish you all a very, very Happy New Year !

I am beyond elated to see the back of 2011. It's been a rocky year full of family health problems, work anxieties, friends coming and going and all the general life stuff that you'd probably prefer would go just a little more smoothly.

So what have I learnt from all of this. It's simple. It's not about the situation or problem, it's all about the way you deal with it. Sounds simple right, but just think about all that unnecessary stress and strain you have unwittingly put yourself through this year.

That's right you, because everything that happens, happened for a reason and you played your part in how things turned out.

So what's my New Year's resolution? To worry less, to trust myself and my instincts more and to not live in fear of the unknown or judgement from others.

Here's to an amazing 2012 !

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Back to Earth With A Thud !

The first day back at work always reminds me of the first day back at school. You know it's coming but you keep hoping something will stop it from coming round quite so soon.

My current gig is too painful for words to explain, but what I would say horrifies me most about it is the finance reporting. Whereas words and pictures excite and inspire me, figures make me want to lie down and take a long nap.

No such luck !

Monday, 26 December 2011

Boxing Day Dreams

Today for the first time in months, I didn't wake up to the sound of a fan heater, the hall light flashing into my bedroom or H's morning smokers' cough and it was... bliss !

My solo Christmas dream (which of course hasn't happened) came true today, even if it was for just one day.

I padded downstairs, had a cup of tea, made breakfast, lounged in a long bath and settled down to watch yet more holiday movies, wrote some more next steps lists, talked on the phone and generally chilled out.

Unbelievably my gym was open so I rocked up for a hot yoga class. There were just two of us there.

How long the new virtuous moi will last is anybody's guess :0)

Saturday, 24 December 2011

Winding Up !

While everyone's been winding down for Christmas, I've been winding up by landing two freelance gigs for February which were confirmed yesterday.

I have my fingers crossed they both turn into retained contracts, because my current gig is as boring as the hours are long. I swear I can literally feel ideas and thought cells evacuating my brain, through from lack of stimulation and anything resembling creativity.

On the homefront, I've already already received two responses to the ads I have placed for J's room in two great new websites friends have recommended.

I thought it was smart to try some new ones to get the person I want. All I have to do is firm up viewing times with them after Christmas. And even better, S shows up on the 6th to stay, while she looks for a new place to buy.

Having learnt from my last dodgy tenant advertisement, I have specified exactly what I wanted to the letter...

"Must be a non-smoker, no pets, energy conscious, lively and outgoing and a graduate in girl code"

and can guess the rest :0)

Thankfully, I finished my Christmas shopping just in time for the dropping off to the family today in typical BB style.

Monday, 19 December 2011

My Mind's Made Up!

...All I need to do is execute my decision and the BB gravy train is about to come screeching to a halt ! The first thing I'm rediscovering is my ..... - (yes my friends, you know what I am talking about!)

..bad arse attitude !

I told F today, who I've found out has been putting the hard word on one of my really good friends (I can't go into details but it was very, very unpleasant and has completely changed my opinion of him!.

I had no option, having 'sat' on my anger for last week, but to confront him and tell him exactly what I thought of him and his actions.

Sadly he didn't take it well and as of tonight, we are officially in stranded on an iceberg called feud! Well that's according to him. I can't be bothered. I just thought he'd be hacked off, but at least own up having behaved like a dick, but no such luck.

Then tonight J gave me notice to move out. No shock or surprise there at all. We are way, way too different to live together. We make chalk and cheese sound like the perfect combination.

I'm never home, am super active, either working or going out with friends. She's always in and sticks to doing the same things, at the same time, nearly every single day, usually in her dressing gown, whether she's inside or outside putting out the bins; and who treats her cat like a small child !

What's just happened is a definite lesson for me about getting, what you thought you wanted and then finding the reality is completely the opposite of what you'd hoped or thought things would be like.

The law of attraction is an powerful thing. Sometimes we forget that, focus on the things we shouldn't or don't need to, sometimes to a point when they drive us crazy.

My advice is to be very careful what you wish for, because you just might get it!

Friday, 16 December 2011

Friends In Need and Silver Linings 2

It seems that I am not the only one who offered a sofa to S. She's so popular, that she told me today she was 'booked' until the New Year, as the guest artist in several of our friends spare bedrooms and living rooms.

I laughed about that, because that's so S - what was super urgent is now not so much so and her own failure to realise just how important she and her well being are to so many people, makes her all the more adorable.

So that solo Christmas I have been craving is now good to go (Thank God I need some quiet uninterrupted BB time!)and I still get the plus of having S around in the New Year, to welcome 2012 in the most positive way possible.

I've already made my New Year's Resolution. Anything or anyone that is negative, draining and not positive is getting tossed. I refuse to be sucked dry by negativity in my world.

Thursday, 15 December 2011

Friends in Need and Silver Linings !

Meeting up with S on Tuesday was great. She came over to BB Towers for a Chinese and a proper catch-up. She's another of my friends who 100% gets me. especially all my ups and downs! My 'Don't speak to me in the morning before my first cup of tea' vibe and my 'I don't want to talk face', after a crap day at work and don't wake me up on my day off at 6:30am, especially as I don't go to bed until at least 2am !

We talk about life, writing(she blogs as well), art, guys (although she says that I cheat as I don't really talk about anything smutty enough for her liking), debate the most stupid issues - smooth peanut butter or cruchy, which is the best? It's crunchy of course!

Best of all she makes me laugh out loud. I know I've been kind of spoiled on the laughter factor recently by the lovely R, but hell more BB laughter is always welcome.

She poured out her troubles about her housing situation(her flat sale just fell through) and as of Friday she is going to be sofa hopping. I remembered doing exactly the same thing, just before I brought BB Towers.

I was exactly one week away from completing on a chocolate box picturesque cottage in Dulwich, when the property chain I was in collapsed. It was the first time I fully appreciated how stressful anything to do with property can be.

Fortunately, P put me up while I got myself together and remembering how much that meant to me, I offered S the same, albeit not a room (because they're all booked at the moment at BB Towers) she gets the pull-out ottoman bed in my living room !

She hugged me so hard, I had to tell her to let go and promise that she'd get lost over Christmas so I can still have my Greta Garbo Christmas and that she can only bring strictly one suitcase with her (she has a walk-in wardrobe at her disposal usually that is the size of both my bedrooms).

She moves in next week and I can't wait to be around such a positive person.

Monday, 12 December 2011

The Call Of the Fashion Siren

It takes a hell of a lot to drag this diva out of her cosy boudoir on a wet and wild Saturday, to head into the centre of town, especially if it happens to be on Oxford Street.

But, the call of the fashion siren lured me to John Lewis's Winter Wonderland fashion show on Saturday.

What distinguishes JL fashion shows from those of their competitors, is their commitment to making fashion and beauty accessible to all.

Instead of the usual flurry of stick thin waifs, slinking down catwalks with lollypop heads and twiglet legs, the show offered the audience an opportunity to see great clothes on real women, who they can actually relate to.

The models promenaded along a boulevard of pretty silver Christmas trees, paired with men on the other side of the trees, sporting a variety of winter dandy looks.

Pick of the womens outfits were a silver organza pleat dress, a cute faux fur jacket paired with chocolate slacks, accessorised with gold clutch bag and matching shoes. I loved the 50s patterned prom dress, complimented by a black wrap and playfully elegant peeptoe shoes.

But I have to admit I had two fashion standouts.

First, was a cream, floor-length bias cut evening gown with a beautiful satin pleat detail in the back.

Look out for this as a fore-runner to the Gatsby look which is bound to hit stores next year, on the back of the 'Great Gatsby' remake starring Leonardo Dicaprio and Blake Lively.

My second fashion standout, was worn by one of my favourite models - Ms Annabel Davis!

Ms Davis looking amazing in a gorgeous cobalt blue evening gown, topped off by a cream evening jacket - A fitting model and outfit finale, to another fabulous John Lewis fashion show !

Just one grumble from me about the mens look - Winter Dandy reappears perennially on the male catwalk. What would have been nice to see, was some more practical looks for the male members of the fashion show audience.

I've always thought less is more on the make-up and hair wax fronts for male models. The slightly excessive use of which, on several of models, definitely distracted my attention away from some very strong looks.

Despite that little over grooming blip, I loved the show and am looking forward to the next one !

Sunday, 11 December 2011

It's All Happening !

The countdown to Christmas shows no sign of slowing down at all.

On Friday, I dealt with girl code blowout between CJ and L. L has started dating one of CJ's exes - it may have been three years ago, but from the row they has on Friday night, it might as well have been right now. Being piggy in the middle isn't my idea of joy, so I told them to both 'grow up' and talk it out or to just let it lie.

Your guess is as good as mine as to what happens next.

While CJ and L battle it out, S is having a very different battle. Her flat sale has fallen through and it looks like her Christmas is going to be a blue one. We agreed to meet up on Tuesday and come up with an action plan.

On Saturday, I went to see A in her latest fashion show. She looked incredible in a floor length, cobalt blue evening gown and a cream jacket. The rest of the show was stunning, focusing on Christmas party looks and for men the Edwardian dandy theme ran through all their looks.

I got back from the show in time to meet R and we headed to our favourite Indian for a quick bite to eat before the X-Factor final and off to sleep !

Alone time for us at the moment is practically impossible due to work and other circumstances, so I've taken things into my own hands and planned a Christmas surprise that is strictly for just the two of us, without interruptions from adults, children and animals.

In the meantime, I'm taking an inventory of this year and my life in general. I'm going to have a long hard think during my customary solo Christmas and decide exactly what or who I need to ditch or keep.

I've been forced to compromise myself personally heavily and too a degree economically as well, because things have changed so often this year. I've had to make some tough judgement calls and be super practical, just to stay sane and afloat.

Now that things have stablised, I fully intend to get back in the driving seat and do what's right for me on every level.

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Guilty Pleasures and Stuff

First I need to own yet another guilty pleasure, probably the trashiest US show ever ...Cheaters...where of course, cheating partners are caught out.

Car crash moments which had had me in stitches for all the wrong reasons, including the investigative commentary of it's host Joey Greico. JG is in my eyes, an unsung comedy legend for his ability to keep a straight face in the midst of all the cheating mayhem !

Which leads me neatly onto R, who thankfully isn't a cheater. For all of the doubters (which originally included myself)'s all going swimmingly, despite a few road humps.

Saturday was challenging ! Those of you who know me, know why and for those who don't (just contact me the usual way and I'll tell you offline :0), R just took it all in his stride, and won brownie points galore from me.

He was on a winning man streak, until an overly bossy outburst at the gym on Sunday, led to me telling him to mind his own business and not mine !

It didn't lead an awkward moment, because we don't really have anything to row about, but I did get a 'sorry' later...arr it's great dating a grown-up!And I'm not just talking about R ! It's gold stars all round for both of us..gulp!

Which lucky because work is ....mmm...grrr...we are currently boss-free and underwhelmed.

Mix in a work event, the flu bug and thank sinking feeling and you have entered BB land !

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Change Is My Friend.

I'm settling into my latest contract and finding my way around office politics, a slightly nuts, very shouty boss, systems that hinder rather than help me and fortunately some really lovely colleagues.

I haven't given up on my dream role, I'm still beavering away at it on the side, but I am relived that I can pursue this without existing in a state of fear, about what little surprise is going to pop up next.

It's nice to be beyond busy again - I am working insane hours and trying to get up to speed with additional responsiblities, which have somehow landed on my desk !

With all of this going on it's great to have little romantic distraction on the side.

Yes R has done it again and instead of bolting (as is the custom with my love interests), he initiated a very grown up conversation with me about 'how we move forward', starting with spending time quality together.

Snatched moments during the week are pretty awkward to fit in at the moment for both of us, so we're going old school with a Friday or Saturday date night and sleepover.

This week it's Saturday. First we're off to the gym, then shopping, then the X-Factor and a not so early night. What's cool is the certainity of it happening and the relief that comes from not having to play games and act cool all the time with R.

Things are definitely looking up !

Saturday, 19 November 2011

All Change

First I have to start with the ridiculous. A piece of celebrity trivia I am party to. Yesterday I bumped into Rihanna's new boyfriend in the a queue (so typically English!)

He was outrageously handsome, but not so much so that I didn't get my words out and chat with him while we were waiting to be served. I am happy to say he was charming and has a smile that very nearly left me floored !

Being an averagely attractive (my fabulousity varies in accordance with how how well I've applied my make-up and sleep !), I've always been freaked out truly beautiful people. It's as if they're alien beings from planet beautiful and if you look at them too long, you'll be hit by the ugly stick, for your viewing insolence.

Then there's R...yep we've hit two and a half weeks of dating. Something of a landmark for a non-dating buzz kill like myself. He's smart, funnish and polite and has absolutely no issues sending random text messages, which I find so refreshing.

He even calls me just for the hell of it for a chat and tells me what he's up to. It's so easy with him and just what I've been waiting for really.

I'm seeing him again tomorrow and have already broken the news to him, that although dinner will be great and he's welcome to stay over(he lives out in the sticks!), he will be on the sofa and will without a doubt confronted by my housemate in her dressing gown, first thing on Monday morning.

If he's willing to take on all of the above, then he is a brave man indeed !

On the work front - the gig is over...due to creative differences...I've always wanted to say that!

Actually, I was 'offered' an opportunity that wasn't actually ever an opportunity, aside from some free ideas labour of course.

The one thing I've learnt in this recession is people love to take from you and if they can get it for free all the better.

Fortunately, I had more work lined up which I started this week. The hours are brutal. I have no energy left most of the time to think, let alone talk, but I do feel there is an opportunity if I use my noodle to turn things to my advantage for a change.

What's comes next is up to moi !

Saturday, 12 November 2011

In the Green Zone

It's not often I write about a date a few days after, but this one was a good one and what's followed it has been even better. For our first date R took me to the theatre.

R is completely the opposite to what I usually go for and as my dating track records is shocking, I agreed to go out with him and have somehow found myself in the green zone or as I like to call it - dating without drama !

He's fortysomething, in good shape, has a shaved head and a very cheeky smile. He laughs at his own jokes just a little too long, but hey it's hardly a deal breaker ! I regularly think I'm hysterically funny, even more so when I'm not and am just being a smart arse !

Before the date he texted to reconfirm it - which basically makes him a prince among dating men as far as I'm concerned.

Then he texted on the day, to ask me how my day was and to apologise because he was running five minutes late.

He arrived laden down with a laptop and a gym bag and looking very flustered, but took charge picking up the tickets. One glass of wine later and we were settling into our seats then the musical (one guilty pleasure that everyone should have!) started. It was awesome and so was his company.

We left the theatre too late to go for another drink, so we parted company at the tube with a suitably chaste kiss. As I walked through my front door he texted

"Hope you got home safety, let's meet up one evening next week. Sleep well xx"

I'm seeing him next Friday. Things haven't been this easy with a date in ages...fingers crossed :0)

Saturday, 5 November 2011

London Calling

I must admit I was a little surprised to read about the online buzz surrounding The Wire and Luther star Idris Elba dating - shock, horror, a white woman !

Here in UK, particularly in London, or as I like to call it 'Europe's Favourite Melting Pot', bi-racial dating really isn't that big of a deal, especially when we compare ourselves to say our US cousins.

Even as I write this post in my favourite coffee shop, I have just watched two mixed race babies, glide by in their pushchairs and just opposite sits a stunning sister with her very happy looking white boyfriend.

I've always adopted and throughly enjoyed the United Nations approach to dating - It's not about my love interest's colour, it's about their personality and attitude, their brains (I adore smart sexy!) and of course how they treat me.

I've never had an issue with the dating colour chart. In fact my only issue has been my own slightly dubious taste in men. Strong confident men with brains and a little hint of the bad boy about them.

All of which ensures when my sporadic love life does flicker into existence, the flames maybe short-lived, but at least things are never boring !

For me a guy's personality is 100% unique and not determined by something as cut and dried as his skin tone. Which leads me uncomfortably into the reason why Idris has taken this virtual battering - jealousy.

For a British black actor to succeed in the UK market is rare. Multiply that 10 fold, to achieve and maintain it in the US market. I can only think of about three others who have done so and two are women.

Idris is not just a talented actor, he is ridiculously handsome on a scale, where the clamour to get with or 'own' a piece of him must be more than a little overwhelming.

The backlash he has experienced is not completely unexpected. I've experienced first-hand 'dirty looks' from the hood and been dropped into the dead zone, by someone I considered a friend, over my dating preferences before.

It happened a few years ago, when I was enjoying an evening with the girls. Somehow we got on to the topic of bi-racial dating and one of group launched into a rant about white guys, needing to tick off the dated a black woman box and ultimately treating them without respect.

I was at the time in the midst of a very happy long-term relationship with a US born Greek Adonis who treated me like gold. I cautioned her to not make such judgemental statements, and that until she was in at the deep end, I could only her deem her as being ignorant of the reality of being in a bi-racial relationship.

The next morning I thought we had agreed to disagree, until that evening when I got a phone call from my BFF, who told me 'my friend' had uninvited me to her birthday party, because she felt disrespected. Up to this day we don't speak.

Was she entitled to her opinion..of course. Was it extreme... yes I believe it was...but that's her problem, not mine. Which is precisely why I salute Idris for his talent, achievements and just doing his thing...regardless of the haters.

Alas there is so little of the divine Idris to go round already, that in the absence of a clone of him, I am going to have to content myself with watching The Wire boxset again :0)

Friday, 4 November 2011

Tanked, but Optimistic

The worst is over.

Mum has finally been released from hospital and we're both thankful and relieved that despite, the initial health concerns, she doesn't have the big C.

F told me off for not telling him about it, but then conceded he wasn't surprised, as he knows me so well. If I have major stuff going on, I'd rather hold my own counsel and get through it.

I'm definitely not a sharer on serious stuff, which is weird as so many people come to me when their shit hits the fan. It's always easier dealing with other people's problems than your own though right?

On the work front it was a no, after 3 weeks on the big pitch. They finally came back with that on Wednesday.

There was clearly other factors involved I'm unaware of (budget, change of resource requirements etc), but dwelling on them really won't get me anywhere.

The music project I've been working on is however, finally green lit and work starts in earnest next week, which should keep me out of mischief and keep the wolf from my door :0)

It's going to be challenging, as some of my duties I have never done before, so I will be flying by the seat of my pants...but I do love a splash of pressure and a deadline or two to scare the crap out of me !

My lesson from all of my issues(five months worth and counting!) is to realise the world doesn't begin and end with work.

For all my years as this striving, assertive career woman, I really don't have a great deal materially to show for it, so maybe its about time I centred on going after what I really want.

Serenity - in life and work, doing what I love and spending time with people I adore.

A mentioned Christmas again. I admire her persistence to try to make me abandon my hatred of Christmas (I totally ignore it on every level) and take an annual off the radar week from Christmas Eve onwards, which I always spend alone at home, having dropped off family presents.

I didn't bother going into the ins and outs with her, because she like my other friends already knows how and why I feel that way, respect that I don't want to talk about it ever. Regardless, it was sweet of her to invite me to hers.

My favourite place at the moment is the gym. It's not about the body beautiful, it's about my time. I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to, I just pop in my headset and run or row away to wherever I want.

I'm a bit of a brooding diva at the moment, which actually means I'm quiet ! Really its just me working things through in the best way I know.

Sunday, 30 October 2011

The Weekend

I'd promised myself this will be a low key weekend after two weeks of me being sick, along with me worrying about my Mum (whose in hospital in the States), but no such luck.

First there's the continuing uncertainity about my work. Yes once again, it's been another weekend spent waiting to hear whether I have 'pitch' dazzled probably one of the sexiest agencies in London, just enough for them to give me a sparkly new contract.

I called my contact about my prospective gig on Friday, only to be told...

'She's no longer with the company Madam'... a flustered sounding receptionist, who definitely couldn't handle another person asking her for all the gory details, so I let her off the hook.

All in all, it's been a pretty lively weekend. First I got three lovely emails from some followers from a review site I write for, who told me I'd been picked as their 'Reviewer of the Week' - a small accolade I know, but this little diva, appreciates any words of praise, especially when its attached to her writing :0)

Then, I heard Sir Jimmy Saville had died aged 84 yesterday. For some reason he was one of those people who always seemed old, to me, even when I was a kid. I thought he was indestructable, so I was really sad to hear the news.

Fortunately, my shock didn't diminish my humour tank, because just a few hours later, I indulged in a really satisfying Rebel With A Cause Moment 101 - by eating a very large cream filled doughnut in my.....gym internet lounge!

The filthy looks I received from several sweat drenched gym bunnies, on the point of self induced collapse, was enough to put a massive smile on my face!

Poor darlings ! They clearly failed to understand the real reason for going to the gym is so that you can continue to eat !

I was in the gym internet lounge because horror of horrors, my laptop has died....well it hasn't quite reached the blue screen of death, but it can't load even the most basic programmes or connect to the internet damnit!

The gym lounge was my last resort, which would have been perfect if it has been loaded with the basics - Microsoft Office. No, that would be way too reasonable.

Some smart alec IT guru at Head office no doubt, assumed that all gym members would ever want to do was surf the net..argh no, not quite!

I caught up with A today to celebrate her new business being launched (so proud of her :0) and to fill her in on the end of the PB situation.

Since we're through, I can happily reveal his aka (not given to him by me, but by'friend some of his other 'friends') was Pootrick or Pooh Bear!

Two cutie pie names, that are definitely at odds with his far from cute behaviour.

My original suspicions about him were unfortunately, spot on and my failure to lay out 'the goodies' to him at our last meet up, has resulted in him becoming a 'Bolter' or actually I should call him an 'OTTR Bolter!'

PB's inability to respond via text or phone to my apparently terrifying texts

'How are you doing?' and

'How's work?' texts, told me all I needed to know.

I deleted his number and happily consigned him to the 'oh well' man bin, without another thought.

Roll on next week !

Monday, 10 October 2011

A Man Of His Word

I love being wrong...about some stuff....particularly when it's to do with men. Also S, whose guy advice is usually on point....this time...yep, he was wrong too. I am so going to rib him about it !

PB's "I'll try" - well we can cross that line out and replace it with "I'm around this evening". Yesterday, after I finished catching up with the girls, I headed across town and despite him being up to ears in yet more work, we hung out together.

He was exactly the same, (lush) though a little distracted with trying to balance fire fighting a situation at work and chilling out with me, but I didn't care. He made the effort to see me and that's what counts big time.

I left early to let him deal with the work stuff and walked to the station with a big smile on my face. It's sooo nice to be surprised as opposed to disappointed. :0)

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Is There A Doctor In The House ?

I think we are in need of a Dr Love 101 at BB Towers or a maybe just a straight love intervention, because while my love life is now back on red, it pales into a purple haze behind the misery of my lovelorn housemate.

The rather fabulous J, moved in with me after one of those 'I didn't see that coming' break-ups we've all had with the one person, who we were totally nuts about.

The intensity of the break-up, not just losing the man, but the life and plans she had with him, finally caught up with J yesterday she cried me a river of tears in the living room.

I've watched this lovely woman beat herself up with self doubt and self loathing. Relentlessly running through the A-Z of would haves, could haves and should haves, and getting more and more sad.

At times she's been like a zombie lost in her thoughts, while smoking endless cigarettes in the garden. Do I sympathise ? Entirely. Sometimes love really sucks. Especially, when you are still in love with the person whose rejected you.

But there comes a point when J and all those other broken hearted's out there, have to let go of the hurt, accept what's happened and move on.

If you don't accept things, you're lying to yourself and prolonging your own misery.

If it's the real deal love, you'd be nuts to expect to be able to turn it off like a tap. Love can make you a little crazy and it is completely indiscriminate about how it affects all of us.

I've watched it transform some of the most cynical souls into positive rays of humanity. But equally I have seen it destroy some people's core relationship values and sometimes turn them into carbon copies of their own love tormentors; with their new partners.

How you handle rejection, in life and in love, is one of the great measures of the person you are. I've only had my heart broken once and it wasn't until I accepted it fully, forgave myself for some less than lily white behaviour on my part, that I was able to get over him.

Although it hurt like hell, even now falling in and out of love with that particular person remains the very best love lesson I've ever had.

Am I cautious in love?...darned right I am! Disappointment does that to you, but my heart is 100% open and needs to be treated as such, because once you win it, you will be treated like gold by me.

When I'm in a serious relationship with someone, I'm always optimistic, because I've got no reason not to be. I'm a fan of me - I'm a nice person, (not a supermodel yet, but a diva can dream!), no just a sassy, smart arse and loyal to a fault, so why would I be with someone who didn't see me in the same way.

Honestly, why let yourself be beaten by a situation you can't change. You can't 'force' someone to love you again. Forgive yourself, deal with it and park it. That is how you make peace with your pain and unbreak your heart.

J, hang on in there girlfriend and stay strong !

Saturday, 8 October 2011

The Waiting Game

So this playing it cool and acting all grown up date thing is hard work, especially for a spontaneous, dating whirlwind like moi.

PB is smack bang has been in launching a new business. He's up to his eyes in work, work and more work. He texted once this week, to thank me for helping him out with connecting with some potential new business contacts and ended the text with "I'll try to meet soon x"

"I'll try"

Two words (up there with "I'm married", "I'm gay" and "I'm leaving") that no dater wants to hear from the object of their desire. From a guy it means - seeing you again has the priority level of him loading his washing machine and from a woman generally means after she'll get back to you after she's reorganised her wardrobe/closet.

I hit the ball back over the net without thinking (what's new!) and said 'No worries' like some Australian schoolgirl (since when did Neighbours dialogue, form part of my daily smart arse vocabulary?), and that I'd hold a good thought for him and the business launch.

S gently broke down "I'll try" into what I already knew it was, which is "I'm just not into you enough to fit you into my busy schedule".

I always ask S for a guy's perspective, as I genuinely have no idea what goes on in their minds or texts!

I totally, totally appreciate the pressures of starting up a business and the mammoth effort you need to build it, but I also question the importance of balance in your life.

Even if it's grabbing a cup of coffee together (which would have been absolutely fine with me), it's about effort and quality, not the length of time you have, especially when you are getting to know someone. You don't say you'll try - you just do.

I thought PG rocked on the personality and charisma front and from a deeply, deeply shallow height/looks front (which is unusual for me) was a total scale up from the usual funny, short guys who I like and seem to graviate towards my equally, height deficient self.

Unfortunately for me PB didn't feel the same, so ho hum at least I had a one great date with him and I wish him every success with his new business, which I know he is going to do really well with.

Sunday, 2 October 2011

The Date!

So how did the date go? At the risk of tempting my post date hex (how I long to break that one!), surprisingly well !

Because it was so darned hot, my 'what do I wear moment' wasn't an issue. I settled on my favourite purple maxi-dress which looks great (so I've been told) and I can eat in it, without me looking like I've swallowed a whole micro pig!

PB racked up BB points from the get go. First, he turned up (an elementary action I know, but forgotten by some of my previous dates!). He was on time (mega brownie points for that one. Come on, you know my history guys!). Finally, he looked lush in a white shirt, casual trousers and birkenstocks.

I had to remind myself first, not to grin like some insane smug cheshire cat and second, not be too amused by flunk of being out on a Saturday night; instead of being settled on the sofa multi-tasking, watching the X-Factor, while tweeting and texting friends.

I was a bit worried that my proactive pre-date venue suggestion - a little bossy I thought, might have put him off me, but he said he appreciated it.

So we headed towards a Covent Garden bar. Onto Embankment to another bar for a cheeky drink and some food, before finally heading across the bridge to the Southbank, for an unexpectedly romantic walk.

I thanked my lucky stars for wearing sensible shoes and for PB being so easy to get along with. The banter was all there. He was funny and self depreciating. Just the right side of cheeky, opinionated and smart.

Oh, and he's got one of those mega watt smiles that's got me into a lot of trouble in the past!

For the first time in a long time, I cursed living South of the river versus his central London location, as I nearly missed my last train home, ecause bI was having such a good time.

Am I seeing him again? I'd like to.

Instead of working myself up to some post date perfect storm, I've left the ball in his court.

If it's meant to be then I'll see him again. If not, I went on a great, chilled date that I enjoyed.

Saturday, 1 October 2011

Things I Have Learnt This Week

1) I still know absolutely nothing about dating.

Remember OTTR guy. Well it's back on! I know. I got clobbered by S, for being too harsh in my response to OTTR guy's no show text.

"Cut the guy some slack, at least he didn't leave you standing there like some mug and he does want to see you. Drop the ego and just sort out another day to meet up ".

Well that was BB bodyslammed. So I did exactly what I was told to do.

Good friends are amazing when you're in a state of self doubt about your more rash decisions. I'm one of those people who have learnt that when my friends pull me on my behaviour, I should always listen, because they are doing it with love and care.

Regardless of how laid back I think I am, I can be just as harsh, untrusting and judgemental as the next person. Something I can choose rather conveniently not to accept at times.

2) The V & A really is one of London's most underrated museums.

It is not only housed in one of the most beautiful buildings in London, it also hosts some of the very best exhibitions. I saw the Annie Lennox and Performance exhibitions this week and they were both awesome.

3) Women's locker room talk is beyond boring.

This week at my gym I have overheard discussions about the best biscuits, how hard it is to find good a swimsuit in Autumn and the startling revelation that yoga teacher 1 is much better than yoga teacher 2. I now get changed with my earphones on to avoid such tedious conversation !

4) If you are walking through Victoria Station in the evening rush hour, there is every likelihood that you bump into the one ex you really don't want to be see - cue my encounter with Mr Scotland - awkward !

5) Giving someone the two fingered salute is sometimes more effective than yelling insults.

I reserved this particular blend of unladylike, but appropriate venom for a tango tinged Italian, driving a ridiculous sports car this morning in Knightsbridge.

He yelled and swore at me in Italian, because I didn't cross the road quickly enough for him. It was so completely unecessary and I couldn't be bothered to waste my precious words on him, so I wheeled out the two fingers salute. He was dumbstruck and my point was made without having to raise the volume, flick my weave or throw a filthy, dirty look.

6) NO is still my least favourite word in the dictionary. I have heard it every day for the last two months in conjunction with just about everything important in my life, that I need to get moving and I no longer accept it. I find ways around it.

Persistence and blind faith are definitely the key.

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Off the Text Radar 2

Without much effort at all, Off the Text Radar (OTTR) man has become 'He's Just Not Into You' guy.

I had pretty much resigned myself to our faux date not happening after the text message, until yesterday evening.

"Hi B. Up for a few drinks tomorrow?"

I was with S at the time, who said OTTR's previous no text response, was a guy thing and I should go along anyway.

So I replied, coolly saying that I was going to be in town anyway (which I was!) and suggested meeting at a central bar, at a reasonable time for a lazy Sunday.

"Ok see you then" , was his reply.

"What's your gut instinct about this guy?" asked S.

"Expect nothing from the date and a definite we'll see moment",I replied.

My instincts weren't wrong.

This morning, just before my hot yoga class OTTR texted.

"Hi B. Sorry I have to cancel today sorry. Let's try some evening or next weekend"

I rest my case unfortunately.

Why oh why do some men and (because I'm not some crazed dating feminist, who thinks that all dating crimes are committed solely by men!) women, behave in this way?

What does it say to your date, when you can't be bothered to turn up and you tell them the news via text! You can't even extend them the curtesy of a phone call. If you don't know I'll tell you it's rude!

A telephone call means some form of justification has to be offered for your absence, and if you're a crap liar, possible exposure.

Fortunately, an old hand like moi can read it for what it is - 'He's Just Not Into To Me', or more accurately, can't be bothered to be.

Cancelling is cool with me. I don't want to force anyone to spend time with me, if it's a chore for them or they're too busy, but really why all the smoke and mirrors?

Just say you changed your mind and, man (or) woman up !

Thursday, 22 September 2011

All Hail Adele !

As anyone who regularly follows my blog knows, I initially started the blog to chart my notoriously pants lovelife.

Realising quite quickly that I wasn't half as amusing or interesting as Carrie Bradshaw and her pals, I expanded it to include more general content about my life, friends, family and other stuff !

The soundtrack to my blog which I write to, used to be just pop, jazz and soul music, usually accompanied or interrupted by girlie gossip and food or the heartbreak diet depending on the state of my lovelife. New favourites were pretty rare, until Adele sang her way into my heart.

Tonight I finally saw her in concert with my BF Aisha. Adele was in her own potty mouthed way 'freaking amazing'!

Appearing first as a backlit silhouette singing Hometown Glory, her actual appearance onstage practically blew the roof off the Royal Albert Hall, with mass applause from a very appreciative audience.

I have to admit I just about made it through Turning Tables (arguably my favourite track off '21'), without turning into a tear puddle, due to some hilarious pre-song banter from Adele regarding her ex partner who she wrote the song about.

Between song banter is a talent sadly lacking in some of the world's biggest music stars, which means when you come across gold star quality banter, which is exactly what Adele has in spades,you can't help but lap it up.

She is side splittingly funny, without being crude, nasty or harsh. Refreshingly honest about her mistakes in life and in particular with men.

We loved it. Nodding in agreement at those 'crappy' empathetic romantic moments that we've all experienced and laughing with her, about her mock diva outbursts. For someone who's known for singing sad songs, this lady is anything but that.

She sang all her hits - Chasing Pavements,Don't You Remember, Rumour Has It to name a few,and a few covers - Bonnie Raitt's I Can't Make You Love Me and the Cure's Lovesong, all of which were interwoven with her infectious personality and funny stories.

Her tone was beautiful, rich, warm and effortless. Her pitch was unbelievable, especially as she explained that she was recently recovered from a respiratory problem. She gave it her all, even restarting one song, because she felt she hadn't nailed the beginning of it correctly.

Poignantly she paid tribute to Amy Winehouse by dedicating Make You Feel My Love, to her. Her beautiful rendition was heightened by the lights being dimmed, everyone switching their phone lights on at her request, while a blanket of lit stars spiralled around the hall, bouncing off a huge mirrored ball in the centre of it.

She saved Someone Like You, until the end and was just as electrifying as her now famous Brit Awards performance. We sang the chorus back to her twice and just like she did at the Brits, the love in the hall for her, moved both her and quite a lot of us to tears.

Fortunately, she came back out for an encore of Rolling In the Deep, which had everyone on their feet dancing and clapping. Adele left the stage, exactly as she arrived, to the sound of an audience, besotted by her voice, now in love with her humour and humility.

If you get the chance to go and see her, take my advice and do it !

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Off The Text Radar !

So it's lucky I wasn't too excited about the faux date, because of course it's off or as I like to call it he's dropped off the text radar.

We last talk texted (both ways!)on Friday. Nothing crazy just how our weeks' were and where to meet for the faux date. He said he was back in the UK on Tuesday and was also moving flat.

So yesterday I texted in the evening:

"Hope you had a good trip and good luck with your flat move"

Response....nothing !

Bearing in mind I have learnt over the years, through my vast rubbish dating experience (surely, I must be close to a lifetime achievement award by now?) that over texting your love interest, is akin to revealing bunny boiler tendencies, I thought that my text was friendly and polite.

Clearly he thought otherwise....ho hum!

Expect nothing as a dating diva and you will never be surprised or disappointed in love.

I have had one brilliant breakthrough so far this week. Monday was H's birthday(I know it's rubbish that I can still remember it!), but I didn't wail or get mournful about what might have been.

I just wished him a Happy Birthday (No I didn't call him, or email him (that would have been pathetic and besides I did that last year - just the email ok?).

I just said 'Happy Birthday H' aloud when I woke up, and then I let it go. I knew that he would be having an amazing time with his family and above all he's happy :0), which is all I ever wanted him to be.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Sliding Doors

Today was beyond pants. I have had a cold for the last three days which is making me mega grumpy as I hate being sick.

Added to this, I was late (unheard of for me, as I am obsessed about being on time for anything work related!) for a permanent (freelance = unwanted limbo for me, scary beyond belief in this economic climate!) interview by a staggering 17 minutes !

Why - Transport for London (I missed all my connections and I mean every single one by literally nano seconds!).

Then when I finally got in the right area, I got wrong directions from 3 different people (two iphone assisted!), along with two other people who were adamnant, that the street I was looking for only existed in Soho (honestly this is London, every street has a twin somewhere!)and you might as well have pretty much written off my day.

Just to seal my miserable bad luck, I found that I had completely missed the map that my interviewer had helpfully attached on two previous emails and you could say the interview gods deserted me today along with the 'Give BB a break' fairies.

Fortunately, my interviewer was compassion enough to see me mortification, and after teasing me about my inability to notice email attachements, very kindly agreed to see me anyway.

The outcome is of course a TBC, as seems to be the case with every single business encounter I am involved in at, but I'm the moment.

However, I am hoping that my unintentionally unique 'how not to make a good first impression at an interview', at the very least makes me a memorable candidate !

We shall see and can all of us keep our fingers crossed please !

Thursday, 8 September 2011

I Am In Vogue

I live to breathe - Beauty and Fashion. In fact, if I could indulge both passions at the same time, then I would officially be in a Sex and The City heaven all of my own.

I arrived at John Lewis for my first Vogue Fashion's Night Out event. The ultimate beauty and fashion shopping party, involving retailers in shopping capitals across the world holding a late night shopping event so their customers can grab an extra shot of retail therapy.

I had a cracking time, but that was because I followed my event survival rules. I made friends with the event bouncer aka the unfortunate crew member who is assigned the unenviable task of keeping the crowd in check.

I also arrived early enough to stake my claim on a decent fashion show vantage point. I let go of the my natural disappointment about attending a goodie bag free fashion moment, even though they were advertised in the pre-event flyer(annoying!), and I very sensibly wore flat shoes.

What I was not prepared for was the late invasion of more fashion devotees - The ladies that lunch team - elegant hair, heels and designer clad from top to toe. The fashionista crowd - usually fashion students, bloggers, journalists and friends of the models - dressed completely on trend and seemingly unable to function without a iphone, blackberry, or glass of wine in their hands !

But is was the blue rinse posse - long term store devotees who would attend the opening of an a new coffeemaker; who arrived a few minutes before the show and stirred things up by standing in front of everyone.

They were urged to take several steps back by our annoyed bouncer. One lady in particular who really reminded me David Williams in a dress, complained loudly about not being able to step back because of my 'silly big bag'. She glared at me as she said it.

When we were asked to move again I did, but accidentially on purpose, caught her ankle with my umbrella....whoops ! I didn't hear a peep from her after that !

And then the show began. It rocked. Not only were the new season clothes, wearable, witty and in a great colour palette, alongside the usual salad chasing model types, some 'real' women of normal size, struttered their stuff up down the catwalk and most delightfully; some older ladies who looked gorgeous, elegant and actually had fun with the show and the audience. It was fab !

My event number two was the Biba fashion show at House of Fraser. This label's been unsuccessfully revived several times since its 70s heyday, but the current design team have brought back that retro vibe with a contemporary twist brilliantly.

Leopard print (which I usually despise as a coat, a top, a cardigan...its just wrong let's be honest), has never looked so must have. Hollywood style evening dresses, tie-draped silks, beautifully tailored trousers and knitwear you don't want to take off, all got a massive tick from me.

I have to give a special mention also to their host/models who welcomed customers into the store and a lovely lady who was handing out the event flyers and looked amazing in a signature Biba gown.

Event three my beauty fix, was a real let down. Bare Escentuals, who promised much online and actually delivered very little. The makeover booth was fully staffed , but crucially they forget to allocate one floor assistant to answer product questions. This seems to be the story of my life - remember B & Q?

The 'free' gift you were supposed to receive if you brought something was nowhere to be seen. Customers like to see their 'freebie' before buying something.

Instead they devoted a table to some dodgy looking strawberry cocktails and decorative (they were soooo tiny!) cup cakes, which weren't offered to customers. Stuff like that drives me nuts. You are selling an should be a good one for all your customers.

Going over to MAC was like being on the sunny side of the street. A military trained makeover squad were turning out some fabulous looks on their customers. Floor assistants were on hand to give advice, ipromptu specific mini makeovers. Everyone was profession, engaged and made you feel great, and valued.

Next up - London Fashion Weekend 22nd - 25th September

Wednesday, 7 September 2011


There's nothing like truly useless company feedback to get my back up. As you all know, I am on the books of numerous agents looking for my dream job.

My original dream job ended up being won by someone was ironically announced to the world today and sent me into a huffy BB strop (well I'm not called Diva for nothing) and set the tone for one of those days, when you feel you have to fight every step of the way, to make an inch of progress.

Back at BB Towers, I received feedback from one of my 'entourage' about two roles they had put me forward for. I have decided to rename all of my 'agents' entourage from now on, since they now run in to double digits, bug me with mostly irrelevant questions and are dependent on me landing highly lucrative work to get paid handsomely !

Apparently I was perfect for both of the roles, if I had 18 months more experience. How bloody useless is that as candidate feedback?

Really, what the hell am I supposed to do with that? In a word - nothing.

Unless of course, I happen to suddenly find myself in a Quatum Leap style void, 18 months on from today, maybe in someone else's body (you have to have watched the TV show to get that reference!), but with the desired 18 months under my belt.

It's just nuts. Aside from my many other somewhat dubious qualities, I am if anything practical, so I responded by saying that we need to move away from the 'dream job zone', if that is the type of feedback we are getting.

Being the stubborn, bundle of self belief that I am, I got right onto Twitter and offered some BB Sparkle in return for some additional dream job relevant experience (not 18 months worth though!)

I'm not sure what will come from it, but I'm damned if I'm going to accept crap feedback like that and be fopped off. It's just not in my nature.

Rant over !

I have now consumed nearly half a packet of Haribos and am about to return to creating a dream job relevant blog to help promote myself.

I'm like some manic blogging English Bulldog !

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

The List

So I now have two clients. Following the beginners guide to being a freelance, I have offered my services so low that even I can afford to hire myself.

I've been pretty discplined about getting work done, networking like my life depends on it and taking lots of risks in approaching just about anyone.

Slowly, but surely my list of contacts is growing (mainly at snail pace...but then this is not a race and its quality not quantity as my Mum always says !)

Phase 2 is revisiting my other blog (the beauty one!) and making sure it is updated with all the daily lessons I've been learning on this one and via Twitter, Facebook, Mashable etc...etc.

Every day is like some crazy new adventure. What's been lovely is the sense of community you get from being online. Working in isolation as I am pretty much most of the time now, there's nothing like some encouraging words or advice to give you a little virtual high five boost !

My day continued on a high five with the receipt of an email confirming my concert tickets to Adele are, as I speak winging their way to me. I brought them so long ago, that I had almost forgotten about them!

MC and I are now playing text tennis, which is entertaining, and a tad confusing...why text when you can talk? Arrrr... my days of trying to understand men has taught of about 10mins ago....nothing!

The countdown to our faux date continues !

Friday, 2 September 2011

End Of A Good Week

Things are most definitely looking up at last. I have a tenant - yahoo ! However she is broken-hearted...yes you've guessed it.. man trouble. Even when I am not involved with them 1 on 1 somehow a man always crops up in my divashphere.

She ran me through the relationship car wreck, including the obligatory heartbreak diet results. She's lost 7lbs in a week and developed a love of sad songs. I talked her down from the ledge that is Celine and Whitney and helpfully steered her away from Adele.

On the work front I have truly become a 100% freelance diva. Met with a client this week, full of social media ideas to help push their business. They left happy, I was Miss smiley face and I never felt more comfortable. It was the boost I needed to prove to myself that I am on the right track.

My best laugh of the week came from a junior client facing RA I spoke to who naively asked me.

"Why so many people were moving over to Community Manager roles?"

Bless her little heart, I could so easily have taken her through the basics of the explosion of social media in business in the past five years, but just like Bambi's face when his mum brought it, I didn't want to shatter that innocence !

Miss P called with news of an immiment beauty SOS package she is sending me from my 'Sliding Doors'(movie reference!!) home NY. I actually yelped like some over excited puppy, when she ran through the contents. I may be living on fresh air at the moment, but it doesn't mean I don't want to look fabulous while I'm doing it!

Man update for week ending September 2nd - I have a faux date (my name for any shared man time not written in stone, as opposed to the usual sand for me!) with the rather delicious MC, when he gets back from his latest business trip.

Expectation of it taking place and us getting usual with me watch this space !

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

The Rise and Fall of The Bold and the Beautiful

This weekend Usain Bolt sure fire winner of the 100 metres at the IAAF World Atheletics Championship lost. No one beat him. He beat himself by false starting.

His immediate reaction was fury and self digust. TV cameras around the world, broadcast pictures of him tearing off his vest and berating himself for making such a stupid mistake.

Then as I flicked through the pages of my Sunday Times Style magazine, I came across an article written by former super model Paulina Poriskova, who was bemoaning how pathetic her spiralling, apparently miserable life had become as a once famous person.

Both Bolt and Poriskova have spent years as life's winners, so I was stuck by their apparent inability to cope with failure, in front of the 'world' by Bolt and the loss of influence and recognition of preceived beauty by Poriskova.

Which leads me to the question can you only really deal with failure if you've tasted it?

We all have friends who always seem to have things going on with them. By that I mean some crisis or chaos, but have you noticed how those people are some of the strongest people you know.

This year's been an interesting one so far. I've gone from relative calm to absolutely the worst state for me - limbo.

Day to day, I find myself adjusting my perceptions of me and how I handle myself. Having to do things differently to achieve results, that just a few months ago would have been really easy, but for whatever reason just aren't right now.

But it's a challenge I am enjoying and I know has to be leading to something amazing.

Thursday, 25 August 2011

A Whole Lotta Crap Going On !

Well we can definitely scratch one of the jobs I was in holding pattern for. The no came yesterday via email in three short paragraphs. What put a rye smile on my face was a throwaway line from them asking me to continue to support their company....hilarious !

Which was also what I thought when my latest 'love interest' texted me to say he couldn't be bothered to get in his car to meet me. Apparently things would be easier on him if I was 3 sizes smaller (that would take me into the anorexia zone!) and lived on his doorstep or somewhere more convenient for him.

Where do I find these guys or rather how do they find me ?

Humm....I replied

"No problem. If you can't be bothered, that's that Good luck with finding someone who fits your exacting standards!

It is funny sometimes how people apparently looking for love fail to think before they speak. Big D told me he got a brilliant message from a woman who said she wasn't keen on children (weird because he has a son), but if he wanted to meet up, that would be good.

Cheeky cow!

They say that rough stuff always somes in threes, so let's all keep our fingers crossed there is no more crap headed this way !

On the plus side, because hell there are lots of people out there with worst problems then mine, I followed up with everyone I met at the networking event, I forced myself to go to on Tuesday.

I was pleasantly surprised by our host who turned out to be a business philosopher who encourages businesses and individuals to view their strategies and work practices in different ways.

That's what I'm doing. I was up early doors working on a new pitch and looking forward to another new opportunity.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For !

So the job hunt continues. As of today I am being held in the holding hire pattern at two companies - both of whom are making a decision in the next two to three weeks.

I have placed both roles to the back of mind deliberately, because if I think about the potential they have to transform my life right now, its too scary thinking about the impact of a yes or no from them.

I like so many other people right now, am having to think about new ways to market myself, highlight my USP so that I standout from the crowd.

It's weird because up until now my personality and work ethic have always taken me to where I've wanted to go career wise and this is the very first time in my life, when this hasn't happened.

Plan B has been interesting. Learning new skills, going to networking events and meeting new people. Ultimately the buck stops with me. Any new opportunities will come from me being brave and going against everything I know, to achieve something bigger and better than what I've had in the past.

Friday, 12 August 2011

Croydon Clear Up and Lessons Not Learned

The dust has settled and calm has been restored to Croydon. A combination of an increased police presence and local community groups has returned our streets to its residents.

Some of the still boarded up businesses and empty window displays tell the tale of the mob's fury. That wilful destruction we saw on our tv screens, of the decades of blood, sweat and tears that had built so many businesses and homes from the ground up.

In the past week, I have listened to numerous political commentators and MPs all focusing on the identifying the causes of these 'riots''. The truth is, we already have our answers.

30 years ago after the Brixton riots, Lord Scarman declared the reasons for the riots as being "complex political, social and economic factors".

What followed was a flood of governement funding directed at town regeneration, addressing diversity issues, policing, training schemes for young people and the expansion of a benefits system, which is now so vast and often abused, that it is widely acknowledged as being no longer fit for purpose.

Despite all of those initiatives, Scarman's words remain as true today as they did back then. While you can continue to throw money at problems and hope they go away, and then as we are about to experience it, cut that funding, there is one constant that remains throughout - society.

If society would rather indulge in the ruthless instant pursuit of material things, instead of investing in itself and its core values, then you will end up with the society you deserve - a broken one.

Where selfish people without morals, boundaries, education and ultimately employment, choose to express their unhappiness with their lives by destroying the very communities they live in.

That is what happened this week.

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

The Riots 2

There is a difference between seeing something on TV and seeing it in living technicolour right in front of you.

The two bicycle stores in Croydon were stripped bare. The music store emptied. Several bars, newsagents, a chemist and a fabric shop all with smashed windows and as of this afternoon boarded up.

Just now at the end of my street two police vans pulled up. A group of teenagers some in those despicable hoods that those thugs were wearing last night, were stopped, searched and questioned. From the stupid smiles on their faces it was obvious they were on the prowl just in case.

At the pub in the centre of the square a crowd of largered up lads watched proceedings as if waiting for something the kick off.

This is Croydon Aug 2011. Before the carnival which surely now can't take place-it's just too risky and dare I say it the Olympics. We have much work to do, to help our law abiding citizens to forget what has happened since Saturday night.

Monday, 8 August 2011

The Riots

Today is the first time in a long time that I have been really scared. Last night I had a lot of love from my friends and family checking up on me to make sure I was ok.

Why because my little piece of homely haven BB Towers was smack in the middle of another borough in London which has been blighted by outbursts of rioting and looting not seen since the Brixton riots in the 80s.

Just 10 minutes away from where I live, one of our major landmarks, a shop that has been open for over 150 years and owned by the same family, was burnt to the ground by rioters.

What was shocking was the complete disregard those idiots who burned that particular store and others down last night, had for that family and all those other people who had worked long and hard to build their businesses up, some of which also included their family homes upstairs.

Our government has long been viewed as a soft touch.

Now instead of being politely English and turning the other cheek we need to get tough. No more 'there, there I am sorry you had a crap childhood soft soap' directed at these opportunist criminals; instead lets point water canons, dogs and the full force of the law at them.

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

My Loreal Moment

I am beginning to feel like one of those superstar sporting heroes, who is hurtling between glory and oblivion; when they suddenly find they've become too expensive for the market they are working in.

Or maybe I am more like the budding actress who always gets down to the last two in an audition, before being told she isn't quite right for the role, despite it being a revisionist Shakespeare version of Othello.

I had another great interview with a smart,funny digital professional who definitely understood what I could do for his business, but wasn't really sure in the light of so many other applicants whether he wanted to stump up for my services.

I suppose I should have felt deflated, but I didn't, I know I'm good at what I do, its just about persuading someone to give me a break who thinks just like L'oreal I'm worth it!

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Red Letter Day !

So about my housemate hunt, I've now interviewed 7 of them all together. No 7 has just left and I have everything crossed she takes it as without getting too excited, I like her...she's funny, quirky and has more personality in her little finger, then all the other potential housemates put together !

I'm going to try not to tempt fate though, as I still have to deal with number 8 on Saturday and unfortunately, my favourite is going to continue viewing more properties to make absolutely sure she makes the right decision.

On the work front the ecommerce gig interview is tomorrow. I'm ready to impress and have a good vibe about it.

Holy Moly Random moment 1078 - I've just seen one of my old buddies on one of those property shows! She looks as fabulous despite her property trauma...which pricks me into thinking I need to reconnect with her, as she's been a really good friend to me in the past, who I lost touch with.

Watching her struggle through, I was struck by how long she'd keep a rubbish situation to herself, not asking for help and just about keeping her head above water. It's a little reminder we could all do with.

Monday, 25 July 2011

A Life Interrupted

On Saturday Amy Winehouse was found dead at her home, the victim of an as yet unexplained death.

I was with A at the time, who is a great fan of Amy and just about held back the tears.

"It's just so sad to think that she knew all those people and she died alone. Where were all these people? Why didn't they try harder? Where was the intervention?"

"How can you intervene, when the person in question can't ask for help or is so far gone they can't help themselves". I replied.

When sadly intervention comes in the shape of her record company and management team, who right up until her sad, disastrous drunken performance in Belgrade last month, continued sending an obviously troubled soul out to sing for her supper.

She should have been in rehab, not on tour. It seems it was just a money making exercise and not instigated by Amy, but by the people behind her. The irony is that Amy's death now almost certainly guarantees that cash bonanza, the tour was supposed to achieve.

Then there's Amy toxic taste in men, reaching an all time low with Blake Fielder-Civil, a lovely piece of pondlife that she married and who inspired (via his lousy treatment of her),the album Back To Black.

Blake actually 'credits' himself as having introduced Amy to hard drugs. He took pictures and video of Amy under the influence and sold them to the press for blood/drug money.

Her fair weather friends - Not the real ones, the ones who drank and took drugs with her, hanging out with Amy, because of who she was and whather money could buy them.

Or how about the of 'unstinting support' from her own father who said he was 'devastated', but has vowed ‘not to crack up for Amy’s sake’. Amy's mother always remained behind the scenes and was with Amy the day before her death.

Her father was very different. From the moment Amy hit the big time with Back to Black, her father decided to grab some of the limelight too, hanging on Amy's coat tails bringing out his own big band CD and turning up on radio.

It's so easy to point the finger of blame at the numerous factors in an addicts' life. The reality is addiction is incredibly hard to break. It strangles and tortures its victims. Turns their bodies and minds into enemies and systemically destroys the person they once were.

Utimately, the only person who could have helped Amy was herself and hitting that 'rock bottom, I can't do this anymore point' which those addicts who have managed to pull themselves back from the brink always talk about.

Unfortunately, for Amy, her wealth insuluated her from hitting the rock bottom of losing everything. The disease of addiction so completely engulfed her, that when her death was announced on Saturday, although it was a shock, sadly it was not an unexpected one.

Instead of demonising a lost soul, racking over the carcauss of a wasted talent in a media circus, we need to ask ourselves how we can better understand this disease, that doesn't discriminate against who its lures into its clutches.

Friday, 22 July 2011

Friends In Need !

So just when I had gotten used to my life containing all the excitement of a group of letter writers at a stamp convention, things picked up again.

One angry email and voicemail message later, I found myself was listening to D venting, about one of those super awkward moments at work; when a colleague blurts out something you should know about and don't.

In this instance it was that the role she's been doing has just gone permanent, has been filled and no one thought to tell her.

She was fuming. I always find when one of your buddies is hacked off and needs to vent, try your best to say as little as possible. If you are in possession of a latte and some lemon cheesecake this is more than likely.

I nearly made it right through to the end of her vent, until just before she hit the story punchline, she popped her handbag on the table.

Before I could contain myself, I exclaimed excitedly.

"OMG I love your bag!" (this season's Biba Ponyskin Tote - too, too gorgeous not to love in silence!)

We both laughed.

"That's why I love you BB, even in the midst of a meltdown, you never stop being fashion forward".

"Hey", I said sipping my latte, "Let's just call it my gift!"

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Routines and BugBears !

Its funny how something as simple as sorting out a daily routine can make an uncertain situation feel a lot more stable.

My morning is all about emails and pitching for new contracts.

To cover myself I am also having to deal with my no 1 bugbear- recruitment agencies grrr....

I've never quite got over the stupidity of sending your cv to a new agency, often with a cover letter and then having to fill exactly the same information on their form or in your worst case scenario 8 page form, plus diversity and equal opportunities forms.

And don't let me forget my absolute pet hate, having your picture taken to be added those darned recruiters forms!

Why....can anyone tell me why an recruitment agency needs to take a picture of you?

It's not all doom and gloom though, I set myself up on the contractor site P mentioned and gave myself a little pat on the back for doing it, because its my first real step towards working for myself.

Also I've realised this is the first time I've had off from work in about five rubbish is that?

Work life balance....a bit of a joke really until now.

Friday, 15 July 2011

Limbo Sucks !

So things are in a word pants. The temp job I had lined up for next week has bombed out. The person I was standing in for has decided against going away on holiday.

Despite my work limbo (which is of course driving me crazy as I hate not being super busy), fortunately my friends continue to say the right things to make mefeel like this is an opportunity not a clamity !

P in NY sent me a link to a few online contractor companies, all of whom I signed up with and I've been working on a few more pitches and apps - I know I am a closet geek !

My humour has been provided by Big D, whose continuing adventures while online dating never cease to make me laugh!

Just as I expected he has reverted to being a dog, in response to the 'numerous bunny boilers' he keeps coming across.

One lucky lady provided a unwelcome surprise to him as they got up close and personal. Let's just say her internal plumbing was in need of some majorrenovation!

Big D ploughed on manfully (partly out of pity and then pure shock methinks!) but I couldn't help laughing. It was the cheeky universe's way of reminding us that you never know quite what to expect with a random 'lucky' bed buddy !

Monday, 11 July 2011

BB Has Left The Building !

If you ever receive an email thanking you for your'enthuasism', take cover, because it ain't good news!

That was precisely the phrase hit me between the eyes in the email I received from the Big Boss today.

I won't lie I was surprised but I'm so bloody disappointed. I actually cried today. I was so gutted to be leaving my dream job. Or is it? Do I want in a place where my passion wand drive, warrants a patted head and a leavers list reminding you to return your laptop?

I did manage to enjoy my 'last girls aloud lunch'. AR is three weeks away from the parent trap with the fireman. He meets hers. She meets his and then they move in together. It is so great to see this silly look she gets on her face, when she talks about him. She's loved up and looks great on it.

LC our new arrival and my table buddy for the last month, fitted right in, with her crap engagement party story....that's an engagement party you go with to with your new boyfriend, when you both realise neither of you know anyone there, and you really wish you'd gone somewhere else.

She managed to keep me engaged and distracted, right up until NK gave me my leaving card, when I'll admit, I dissolved into tears. I really am a woss right?

Maybe not? Maybe I just made the mistake of falling in love with a situation, that never really had a chance of being made permanent. I won't be making that mistake again.

Next time I create an opportunity I am going to nail it down, so it doesn't disappear later, under the weight of budget cuts and patted heads.

Sunday, 10 July 2011

Last Chance Saloon

Sometimes to get what you want you have to go right to the top. On Friday I found myself face to face with the BB aka the one man who can extend my contract.

I found another in. Not my present role but something with a bigger scope long-term and more importantly something I can do really well. I pulled together a business justification document and managed to get into to see the man.

10 minutes later it was all over and I was left wondering whether I'd either saved myself or blown it. Tomorrow I may or may not find out. I've got everything crossed.

Dinner with A was just what I needed, even though she straight up called me out. After all of my promises about work not owning me, particularly after my experience with HWMBO, what's happening proves how important work is to me.

I've worked late for the last three weeks. Pitches, job applications, ideas anything to make sure I'm employed. The latest I've worked til at work is 1am, which wasn't a big deal, it was just necessary.

A reminded me that I've forgotten about me. I've turned down dates, hanging out with friends anything that distracts me from work.

Work has saved me many a time from dealing with all kinds of crap - a my insecurities (come on we all have them), broken hearts, boredom, occasional loneliness you name it - work has always been the one constant in my life. I can control that doesn't let me down.

Until now...and that's what's freaking me out.

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Knackered But Happy !

Today was filled up with lots of meeting, greeting and smoozing, which I'm normally pretty rubbish at, but argh needs must! I'm not just putting in 100% to sorting myself ou, its double that and I am almost completely wiped out.

Once again, just when I was losing the will another 'Office Angel' has entered the realm of BB JobHunter, to offer help I never knew existed.

This OA is an industry specialist, who not only understood my cv and thought it was pretty darned good.

She actually gave up the first hour of her day to canvass on my behalf via email and then marched me round the business; introducing me to Heads of Departments or anyone who might be able to find me a role.

She is another person recommended to me by GD, who I've never actually spoken to, but who went out of her way to help me today and I was so darned grateful.

They say the universe doesn't send you anymore than you can handle and sometimes sweetens the rough patches with some smooth.

My sweetener came just before we started the BB JobHunter campaign, OA introduced me to her Dad, brother and daughter who were all in the business today.

When she introduced me to her brother, I had the craziest 'Don't I know you from somewhere?' feeling about him, particularly when he smiled broadly at me as we were formally introduced.

We finally both admitted to having the same feeling and realised we used to work together six years ago, but in different departments!

N was the same cheeky chapppie I now recall, who set so many hearts around our old workplace, fluttering at his mere mention, let alone appearance, despite him being off the market.

He's since set up his own business and looked a darn sight more chilled out than I ever remembered him being at work.

He summed up the work life change he has achieved perfectly with his email to me later in the day.

"For those who were there for a lifetime, of which there were many, leaving was felt like 'going over a prison wall'!!

Leaving was like escaping, which is bizarre, as it was obviously always my choice to stay"

Maybe that's the best line to take with what's happening with me right now....I'm going over the wall reluctantly but heading to something even better.

We shall see. I've got everything crossed !

Monday, 4 July 2011

Lightbulbs and Perfect Picnics

It's amazing how the instability of your employment can drive you to take the type of crazy risks, that you would usually only dream about.

I always have at least five lightbulb moments going on in my head at any given time. Usually I would just muse over them or maybe bore an indulgent friend or too with their viability, but for once I let them out.

I found an app ideas site and downloaded 10 BB classics. Whether anything comes from them, I have no idea, but I'll admit to a little 'yey me!', as they sat on the site with my id number alongside them.

The morning sped by quickly and I couldn't wait to get out of the building and head to the park for lunch with GD.

It's funny that GD and I barely talk at work, but for whatever reason from the first moment we did, we were friends. When he heard about my 'sticky situation', he invited me to lunch to talk things over.

In the space of 30 minutes he has pushed my cv out to five contacts, given me several names of people to connect with and reviewed some new pitches I'd pulled together.

I consider myself one of life's lucky people.

The past five years have taught me more than anything that however hard you may try to avoid it, crap happens across the board to good and bad people.

How you deal with it and more importantly, what your behaviour in life is, has a tendency to be returned to you in kind.

After today, I feel like I'm not doing too badly! I'm still a little freaked out, but I know good stuff is literally inches away.

It's up to me to zero in on it and close the deal to my success.

Friday, 1 July 2011

Oh Dear !

No I haven't forgotten you all. I've just been going through one of those difficult BB times. As you will all remember a year and a bit ago, I finally managed to escape the 'clutches' and daily torture of working for HWMBO.

I landed up working in my dream industry, doing a job with that finally took me away from being a PA and actually paid me a decent salary.

You can guess what's happened. My contract's up, suddenly the project budget has evaporated and next week is my last week in my little piece of work heaven.

I knew it was coming after a particularly blunt conversation with W, who has distinguished himself, by doing absolutely nothing to aid my cause to stay put.

On the news I of course jumped at the chance of working with another team, doing another really choice role, while throwing my cv out to just about everyone as well as a few digital pitches for good measure.

This week despite having proved myself more than up to the task, I was told the same no budget line, plus they need someone more experienced.

The words brick and head banging comes to mind.

In the meantime, news of my imminent departure has been met with lots of:

"I'm sorry to hear that", avoidance by a few people who by merit of their roles, have known that my fate was pretty much sealed ages ago and even more infuriatingly so many people telling me what a great job I've done.

I've always had an ethic of hard work and belief in myself, purely because I've so regularly heard no nearly always in connection with my career advancement (a testament to all those wasted years as a PA!), but I have to say I am really disappointed.

The white charger moment that seems to happen in our little media bubble, as an out of contract worker, gets a new contract,usually supported by a panicked boss, realising they need to keep their charge hasn't happened for me, because of W's stance.

Rather than depress myself unduly with the reality of actually committing to moving in a new flatmate (C refuses to move out of his bachelor pad, despite offering sympathy over my situation) and preparing to return to the ranks of the typing pool (the horror! the horror!, but Ms BB's gotta pay her bills!).

All the time, waiting for that next right now elusive role, I have decided to distract myself by going after my dreams.

Particularly the most impossible ones...the way things are going, trying to follow the conventional stable path to supposed security (which of course you never have while you work for someone else),just isn't on the cards for me.

I think I almost need to let myself 'fall' into the success and happiness I want and think I deserve. All my super officious career planning has actually gotten me nowhere.

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Unexpected Help & Inappropriate Behaviour

I love the fact that your day can be transformed by by one positive interaction.

Mine was gleaned through talking with relatively new acquaintance in my life. She was so enthusiastic about her work and life, so firm in her belief that good stuff is just around the corner for me, that she gave me a much needed shot in the arm.

In the past 24 hours, I have been shot down by an IT guru whose indifference to my request for help was really disappointing, but has of course motivated me to do the job myself.

I have finally entered the 21st century and brought myself an iphone - go me !!!

I have sat beside a woman who wantonly tweezering her chin, in horror of horrors public - on a bus! Backlit beautifully by a glorious sun and tragically well before my breakfast, which I couldn't face, after such a shocking beauty debunking moment from her.

I rescued a woman who was so drunk she could barely stand. In fact when she dropped her phone, bag and keys, I swooped down, picked everything up and returned to them her, for fear of her falling and not being able to get up again !!

Lunch with N was good, if a little sombre on her side. It's hard to see such an amazing, gifted individual not be given a real opportunity to shine and deliver especially with such a diverse skillset as hers.

Then I got an email from S saying he'd missed out the big job who was up for grrr....there must be something in the air.

It wasn't all grim though. Every single task I was working on today, although way, way too complicated actually got done. I know it sounds pathetic, but I love crossing things off my list.

Which can only mean one thing - I am turning into a grown-up!!

Sunday, 19 June 2011

The Perfect Diet

I have run from many things in my life.

Bad hairdressers, wearing tulip skirts, dodgy school dinners, electric blue eyeliner (really doesn’t look great on anyone, even a supermodel!) and of course the odd bad boy or two; but today, I speak to you as a fugitive from the scariest institute known to the wonderful world of food,

'A Slimming Club's New Joiners Session'

Actually I'm a proxy fugitive, as I only came along to give some moral support to A, who announced she was joining a slimming club as we tucked into a steak and salad lunch.

I responded that I had to come along, just in case the group leader was a Little Britain Marjorie Dawes clone and of course to satisfy my own sense of mischief.

Not mischief making against the brave ladies who had decided to fine tune their bodies into well, slighter better versions of what they already have.

No, I am talking about witnessing the workings of a 'cult', that sows the seed in you, that grows and ‘makes’ you redefne your entire food intake in the currency of points.

Come on, let's be honest how boring is that?

I'm not what you call 'a Skinnie Minnie', I'd say I'm more
a 'Boootyilicious BB'.

I eat what I like and my only concession to staying slim is to move around a lot all day, so my food doesn't morph my stomach and bum into a full eclipse!

We were right on track until we stood queuing to get in to the session.

While I noticed we were by far the skinniest ladies in the room, A noticed the rather smug weight loss leader, eyeing up her new congregation with all the hunger of hyena relishing the prospect of eating its prey.

She turned to me and said in semi-dramatic fashion,

"I just can't do it!"

"For real?" I said smirking.

"Yes",she replied gravely.

"Let's go. I want to go. I want to go now!"

"Excuse us, she's changed her mind"

I said loudly, ushering A past the snake line of ladies queuing up behind us.

"What shall we do now?"

I said, having made A collapse into a giggling fit, first by doing a brilliant impression of her ‘diet break’ and then by showing her just how us catwalk models (which is effectively what we were at the club!) can strut even while in a gym car park, in a pair of trainers. I know, how totally glam of me !

"What about Eton Mess and a latte?"

We practically skipped to the restaurant, first securing ourselves a comfortable people watching slot, then congratulating ourselves for being 'dangerous diet rebels' !.

"Suppose it back to Zumba and running"

A said, shovelling a spoonful of meringue and cream, so enthusiastically that the cream exploded on either side of her mouth.

We both fell about laughing and reminded me of just why she's my BF !

I'm all for nurturing beautiful minds and working at having a healthy, fit body, but the idea of denying yourself food seems incredibly harsh. I say eat what you want, but just move around a little bit more.

Now that's what I call a perfect diet !

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Back To The Future 2

How did it oh...exactly how real life goes...we all get those situations and then have to make choices in response to them.

He looked great, a little thicker around the middle definitely, but the same sexy voice, dancing eyes and massive....hands!

We went to dinner by the river and weirdly things were exactly the same with us.. The same old banter, intertwined with conversation about everything that had happened in our lives since the last time we met.

So the big question, which you and I both already knew the answer to before I arrived ....yes he's still married with a child oh no it's H-Bomb all over again... Well not this time, lesson learned !!

As we said goodbye he made his move and I dodged. Don't get me wrong one snog with him would have ended my interminal snog/sex drought in one very naughty double whammy. But doing that would only have put me on another head on lust collusion.

I truly believe now what goes around comes around and bearing in mind the fallout from the H-Bomb, I never want to put myself in that spot again.

So I just walked away, admitedly frustrated as hell to walk away from 'a sure thing', but I still walked away. Now that's a result. He texted me of course. Six cheeky times!

I thanked him for a lovely evening.

Will I be seeing him again?


Time to let sleeping dogs lie methinks.

Monday, 13 June 2011

Back To The Future 1

There comes a time as a long time singleton when your near misses, rear their heads for a second time, alongside the could ofs, would ofs and should ofs.

Today it was my turn. SD was a massive office crush I had at my second ever job. He was bright, funny and surprisingly for me good looking and very tall.

He was of course already taken and strangely enough when I was younger, I actually had the good sense to only be his friend, albeit one very naughty steamy Christmas snog, which was great, but had the unfortunate edge of making me realise what I was missing out on.

He moved onto a new job. We stayed in touch for a while before inevitably drifting apart after he got married and became a Dad.

My Linked In mail box flash up:

'SD Join My Linked In Network'

I recognised his name instantly, enlarged his profile picture and there he was, looking a little heavier, but essentially looking just the same.

I accepted the request, dropped a quick hello and thought that would be it, until

"Well hello to you, dear BB.

I'm not a regular user of Facebook or LinkedIn, but I have looked for you a few times without any success. I hope you are well.

I am actually in the Smoke tomorrow and have a free evening, so would you be able to meet up?

Email me r text me and let me know. It's been far too long but it would be lovely to see you"

We're meeting at 7pm. I've got no expectations at all, but I'll admit, I am curious.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Double Trouble

It never fails to amaze me how men manage to double book things.

Work stuff and social stuff I get and don't get me started on birthdays! I can understand all of those, but dates with that's being just a little too careless !

In the whole of my far from perfect dating life, I have never, ever managed to double-book men.

1) Because I have only recently embraced the very sensible idea of multi-dating and

2) I put so much preparatory effort into any of my dates (make-up, what to wear plus accessories can take me hours!!), that the thought of finding myself knee-deep in double man time on the same day, sends me into a blind panic.

Big D's online dating roundabout, which single-handedly proves to just how jammy guys are and how it must be so much easier to date as a guy; continues to provide me with some amusing moments.

He texted with the following dilemma.

"Hey you! I need your help. I've double-booked myself tomorrow. Which one do I choose? One's brand new, the other lady is repeat business. Help! What about if I try to slot them both in ? Big D x"

I of course laughed, at the sheer silliness of fhim orgetting that he'd spread himself a little too thin!

Joking aside I have everything crossed that he finds somebody nice....

Monday, 6 June 2011

Fortune Truly Favours The Brave

So a few of you have asked what precisely I mean about the man who is 'real deal' apart from the very obvious he is single, stable, practically baggage free (a real wish list moment from me!) and comfortable with himself.

Aside from intelligence and honesty, he has to be able to face his up to the hard stuff in his life. The challenges which maybe he can't automatically overcome or easily 'solve' in that practical way men do. I'm talking about the really hard 'skeleton in my closet' stuff.

That type of self awareness and ability to own your struggles, but when you are shielded by success, wealth and consequently power, owning up to your frailities, must be very hard indeed.

On Friday, I opened up my paper and saw my very favourite London Mr Big - millionaire Andreas Panayiotou, who is profoundly dyslexic, owned up to not being able to read.

This is a man who is worth close to £400 million pounds and ...he can't read. His plight made me think about all the times I've said I can't do things. All those times I've hear the word No - almost always in a career situation and just accepted it.

As I read further through the article, Andreas talked of how he worked around his 'little problem' - getting his PA to respond to his emails, memorising audio books and signs, so he could feign literary.

His reason for going public, learning the shocking statistic that one in five children of primary school age in Britain, can't read.

I was lucky enough to grow up in a household where books were standard and can still remember my weekly Saturday visit to the library with my Dad, when I was little.

I can't imagine what my life would be like without being able to read and write and for this I have to raise my hat to Andreas for being 'man enough' to tell his story.

He is an excellent role model, not just to those who believe that they can't succeed, because of their inability to read, but to the rest of us who may just be too scarced to try and overcome our own 'little problems'.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

The One With The N Word !

How laughable it was to hear celebrity hair James Brown, self proclaimed 'celebrity stylist' trying to explain away his drunken behaviour with,

"I have a mixed race nephew".

This statement in defence of his racist remarks - the repeated use of the 'N' word to stage-school founder, Ben Douglas and his dinner guest at the Bafta Awards, was bloody irritating to say the least.

His statement, sits alongside that sterotypical closet racists' cry that he or she has "black friends" and so they definitely can't be racist. However, it doesn't mitigate against holding or expressing racist thoughts or views privately or in this case very, very publicly.

One wonders whether, but for reported review about the future of Mr Brown's lucrative hair range stocked exclusively nationwide by Boots; whether Mr Brown would have 'outed' himself as a racist, complete with a grovelling apology and a sackful of excuses, in particular blaming that old devil - drink.

While I have the utmost sympathy for the insulted man, Mr Douglas I also have to wonder where his backbone was?

He says he was shocked into silence and didn't want to do a kiss and tell about the incident. Well sorry that is precisely what level you brought this serious matter down to Mr Douglas.

Sneakily giving the reader just enough information to work out the culprits' name and standing back to see whether the universe or in this instance would do the rest, is the act I think of a coward.

Mr Douglas even followed up his first expose of Mr Brown, with a review of the examination of his apology and whether it was sincere enough.

Mr Douglas complained that he couldn't think of any comebacks, so let me offer him mine.

When Mr Brown insulted you the first time, you should have make a classy, but swift exit, walked over to the nearest Bafta official and made a formal complaint about his behaviour.

I would then have asked for a cup of black coffee, returned to Mr Brown taken him to one side (conveniently within earshot of a PR or Media person), given him the coffee and the number of the Priory; which will no doubt be Mr Brown's next stop, after his admission of having a serious drink problem.

Trust me those actions alone would have made it into the papers, for sure.

Or for a more theatrical flourish and something I myself have used, when someone made the mistake of calling me the N word several times just like you, a glass of wine or water being thrown in your abusers' face.

Job done. End of!