Down With Love !

…….Well not totally, that would make me a truly bitter soul a sort of latter day Ms Havisham, but without the old house, the decay…the whole works really!.. Just down with the horror that is internet dating.

Will no one save me from the boredom of being single ! My non-existent love-life has descended into a seemingly endless drought since 'H'' ditched me the day before a hopefully naughty hook up in Edinburgh. This action has moved him rather belatedly (my friends had universally declared him a bit of a sod, verging on toxic , from the moment I first became entwined with him) …into my box of love memories headed by dishonourable men aka bastards I seem to find totally irresistable. H's ability to 'bail out' due to yet another' last minute emergency', sets him aside now as "that bastard" story you tell to a mate who is going through a nasty break-up.

My friends persuaded me in a moment of wine soaked madness that I should join a dating website. Being the organized saddo that I am, I took a virtual field trip to see what was on offer. Finding a man has never been an easy task, after all regardless of what they say about us, they really are aliens. Whenever I think I sort of get my latest beau, he then throws a curve ball of such mind-blowing weirdness that I am struck dumbfound…a rare thing for me!

By tapping in a few basic facts age, location, profile with or without pictures, I was faced with more choice, than I have had in my entire dating life. Short, tall, fat, thin, non-bald, baldy (there is nothing quite so lovely as a Jason Statham lookalike to bring a smile to this Diva’s face). I was really beginning to enjoy myself.

Swept along with the euphora of potential big love, I registered. What began as a recommended 10 minute job, turned into a marathon, as I struggled with choosing a login name, likes and dislikes, age of potential prey, I mean dates, and so on. But still I wasn’t through. Next came the recommendation of a friend. Reading a friends recommendation about why you are so great, but single is kind of like waiting for a report card on your friendship. Receiving a triple A of girlie complimentary asides from Kels, left me feeling like a must have handbag on ebay – wanted! The addition of a swiftly taken recent photo, and the removal of £18.00 from my credit card sealed my fate – I was a virtual babe !

Or so I thought, that was 4 weeks ago. 10 couldn’t be bothered to email me back and 3 unsuitable men dates later, I have admitted defeat. “What’s wrong with me?” I wailed to my gay best friend Sebastian, during a love-free Valentine’s Day high tea at our favourite coffee shop.

“There are two things that a girl should know when putting herself online, first let a man or gay best friend write the profile, so we can make it boy friendly, which means simple – vivacious what was Kels thinking, that’s far too wordy! Then that photograph, darling it’s so unflattering, what were you thinking? Men want pretty, pretty available, not serviceable smiley”. Suitably chastised, I admitted defeat. But you can’t keep delicious diva like moi down for long!

What Seb doesn’t know is that on the way home from our dating post-mortem, determined not to turn into some little old lady who lives alone with her cats, I took a chance on a train…no nothing naughty, just a light hearted exchange with a rather delicious man, who is taking me out to dinner this week.

Am I 'Done With Love' ….not quite !