Tuesday, 22 May 2012

The Audition

Audition (film)
Audition (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I am taking the plunge into the unknown.

After an all too short break, I am currently auditioning for a new partner in crime to share BB Towers with.

Having abandoned my ridiculously long wish list, I am now down to the basics and have matched them against the worst attributes of some of BB Towers past residents.

1)Must be normal. Not depressed (imagined or mildly clinically!)

I am of course talking about the New Zealand Plain Jane virgin, who pastimes included writing erotic fiction - I know, go figure!

She definitely had an Anne Summers loyalty card though !), drooled over a certain tv action hero and left BB Towers giving no notice or a damn about anyone except herself ! Charming !

2)Must not love animals more than humans. That would be the animal nut who treated her dog like a child, talking to it constantly - morning, noon and night and expecting everyone to share her passion - I did not!)

3)Must dress appropriately around the house (Tenants 1 and 2 loved nothing better than slobbing around in their pj bottoms teamed with tank/vest tops.

If they had varied this kit, with maybe a tasteful (non-towelling) dressing gown or even a jaunty head scarf, it might have been vaguely tolerable to my eyes, but alas no.

As any fashionable diva knows the pj/vest top combo only ever rocks when you are in reasonable shape (Neither were!) and you have to sport it sparingly - say up to midday ? Neither did. It was kind of like their after work, wear it most of the weekend uniform! Hideous !

4)Must not start every conversation with a funny voice, desperately trying to attract attention and be amusing, when there is absolutely no need to be.

This honour should be shared by several of my ex-tenants, but the one that stands out the most is the lady who spent at least 30 mins of the day gazing at herself in the mirror, before launching into yet another story about herself. 

There was the one about her and her family. Then there were several about her and her boyfriend (who cheated on her repeatedly). Work and her and oh did I forget, most importantly so many stories, just all about her; all narrated in a selection of really annoying voices.

5)Must be trustworthy, unselfish and honest - Oh dear! Suddenly my basics have turned into must-haves !

Let's see how I get on shall we ?  I predict fun and games :0 )
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