Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Stand By Your Man or Get a D-I-V-O-R-C-E

D-I-V-O-R-C-E (album)
D-I-V-O-R-C-E (album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It might be because I have absolutely no shame in laying my disaster prone love life for the world to pick over, or laugh at depending how silly I've been!

Or maybe it's just because I'm point blank blunt when my opinions are asked for.

Well either way, I've just got off the phone with one of my favourite people who called me looking for some love advice !

M is the type of woman who believes in standing by her man no matter what (Tammy Wynette would be proud!) and I mean that most sincerely.

In all the years I've known her, I have seen her be lied to, cheated on, swindled (yes, she does have pretty, but bad boy disorder!) and generally taken for a bit of a mug, because she stubbornly believes that no matter what, once you're in a relationship you should stick out; particularly when you've invested a lot of time in it.

I am of course completely the opposite. I maybe a hopeless romantic, capable of totally random silliness in the pursuit of my latest Mr Right, but if things are bad (or terminal), I have absolutely no problem in walking off into the sunset. I don't do it with any drama or tears (way over rated!), usually just a polite face to face conversation and the door is closed quietly on any what might have been !

My experience is, I never go back to exes. It's part rule and part how annoying life can be sometimes,since most of my exes are invariably snapped up by new girlfriends almost immediately.  The fastest one being 24 hours after we split - she was his old girlfriend, who he said he wasn't sleeping with, but he was the whole time we were dating! . Yep I was totally blind to that one !

While my exes are moving on, I usually navel gaze for few weeks, accompanied by several tubs of ice cream, before snapping out of things, in time to indulge in some hardcore retail therapy. Works everytime!
So when M called me and told me that she has finally decided after four years (very long ones for all of her friends, because we hate her boyfriend !), that because among other things he refuses to move in with her, she has decided they have no future.

Aside from launching a Jersey fist punch with my hand that wasn't holding the phone receiver, I think I did ok containing my joy. I let her talk and then let her have it.

"I feel your pain, but really, get a grip. It's been four years and you are in exactly the same place you were with him when you first started dating. He's telling you everything you need to know just by his actions, so listen to the man.  If it's not what you want. Leave.

The sky won't fall in on you and we're not gotta say I told you so.  Just learn from this. Stop repeating your patterns. You don't have to stay in a relationship if it's not working for you."

She didn't cry. In fact, she thanked me (....I know, I have no idea why either?) for being so honest.

Which made me wonder in turn - can you ever be too honest with your friends ?
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