Bob the Builder

As predicted my interview with the builder proved a short and potentially very expensive one.

C had arrived home especially at my request and took up residence on the sofa with a paper, attempting to look as tough and burly as possible.

“I think we need to get our cover stories straight if he gets talking to us separately. Am I your live-in or other half? “ I laughed.

“C we getting a quote done by a builder, not being interrogated by the Secret Service. All you have to do is sit there and do what you’re doing, looking all moody after a tough day at work”. He smirked and carried on reading his paper

BTB arrived at 7:15 on the dot. He was exactly as I remembered him. A snowy white-haired man of hobbit like proportions (C’s words not mine “He looks just like Bilbo Baggins"),whose piercing blue eyes darted round my living room, as if he were seeing if there was any other jobs I might need or be persuaded to have done.

After throwing C an acknowledging combined head nod and raised eyebrow, BTB poked his head into the bathroom, before entering for a more through inspection.

“No change there you’ll be glad to hear BB, but I’m definitely going to have to charge you more, everything’s gone up you know since last year, and I would recommend you install a fan in there to deal with your moisture issues”.

I managed to hold back my laughter. As you all know innuendo and I are bosom buddies and it never seizes to amaze me how our use of language lends itself to cheeky double meanings at the most unlikely moments.

“I’ll get your quote done in the next 48 hours and pop it round to you. I am really busy, so when I can do it, it would be on the weekend, is that ok”

“ Perfect” I said steering him to the door.

“I don’t like him” said C, making one of his truly rare negative opinions. Apart from hating AH because she always looks so smug on BGT and loathing the MasterChef contestant who has so far cried all the way through the competition.

She made it to the quarter final last night and we are praying she gets knocked out. First because she is totally annoying and also because as any good tv producer knows, you want contestants to save their tears for the final, to complete that all important ‘contestant’s journey’ montage which always ends the show. Her montage will just be a tear fest !

“How can the price have gone up since Nov!" muttered C. "He just said nothing had changed, you still need the same job doing. No you’re going to have to get some more quotes done. He’s taking the piss!"

And with that final outburst, he stomped off to the kitchen to make us a cuppa. It was such a Dad moment from him, that of course I cracked up.