Monday, 5 July 2010

Facing Up To The Past

There's one sure fire moment which can dampen a evening's virtual dating catch-up. Bumping into your ex online.

As I adjusted my search filter settings (ladies,you must all do this from time to time to introduce fresh prey ..into your dating pond!), there he was.. quite a coincidence as well, since I found that cosmic ordering list of his ....Mr Scotland.

There he was in living technicolour, smiling that gleaming gameshow host smile of his and looking as ever like a very short, fat (well much fatter than he was when we were together), slightly dodgy used car salesman.

Some three years after we split among recriminations and withdrawal of conjungal rights(by him not me!). He said no physical contact with me, was the most effective, painful way he could show his utter contempt for me).

It was no wonder I ran straight into H's welcoming arms. Although that comfort, proved short-lived and ultimately bittersweet.

I blame his Mum - an ice cold vessel who hated me on sight for not being white and Catholic and used to call me his 'dollybird', usually when he was on the phone to here, with me sitting beside him.

He also kept mentioning a colleague that he fancied, who was so much sexier than me and he was going to date after me (of course it never happend - she liked tall, athetic hunks and most definitely wasn't attracted to mummy's boys!)

There is a dating myth, that some men will only rain misery on those women who accept it from them and at that point in my life, I was so grateful that someone wanted to date me, I took all the crap Mr Scotland had to offer. Yes, I really was that dumb and that needy.

I admit I was really glad to see that unlike my usual ex's, who usually replace me as I leave stage door left or in H's case just went back home to his wife 'feeling guilty', but telling me to "take care" of myself, because he sure as hell wasn't going to.

Yes the universe has quietly let Mr Scotland know that he isn't half as irresistable to the opposite sex, as he never stopped telling me he was.

My smugness left me rapidly, as it hit me that I'm hardly on the most wanted list of dates,you might want to spend the rest of your life with either. After all I'm single just like he is...which begs the question do you get the dating history you make for yourself?

It was only after I'd read his profile which talked about how great he was, what he'd achieved,the fact that he has a big house, a flash car, great job and that finally, as everyone he knows is now settled, he feels that he might as well be with someone and his only bad point to any lucky lady who had been taken by his glowing profile, was that he could be stubborn.

And right there in black and white, is where our dating history separated, between the negative and the positive. One of those insurmountable peaks that you never notice when you are dating the person, but it clubs you on the head after you finish with them.

It's funny knowing him as well as I did, to 'bump into' a once important person from my past and find them exactly the same. Completely self absorbed, locked into his own ego and desires.

Someone who has learnt nothing from those past 'mistakes' and remains a complete and utter knob.

I may not be perfect, but at least I acknowledge it. That's been my biggest lesson over the last few years.

You see that was always Mr Scotland's problem...he was always right (so he believed).....which nobody ever is...particularly when it comes to dating.

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