Sunday, 9 October 2011

Is There A Doctor In The House ?

I think we are in need of a Dr Love 101 at BB Towers or a maybe just a straight love intervention, because while my love life is now back on red, it pales into a purple haze behind the misery of my lovelorn housemate.

The rather fabulous J, moved in with me after one of those 'I didn't see that coming' break-ups we've all had with the one person, who we were totally nuts about.

The intensity of the break-up, not just losing the man, but the life and plans she had with him, finally caught up with J yesterday she cried me a river of tears in the living room.

I've watched this lovely woman beat herself up with self doubt and self loathing. Relentlessly running through the A-Z of would haves, could haves and should haves, and getting more and more sad.

At times she's been like a zombie lost in her thoughts, while smoking endless cigarettes in the garden. Do I sympathise ? Entirely. Sometimes love really sucks. Especially, when you are still in love with the person whose rejected you.

But there comes a point when J and all those other broken hearted's out there, have to let go of the hurt, accept what's happened and move on.

If you don't accept things, you're lying to yourself and prolonging your own misery.

If it's the real deal love, you'd be nuts to expect to be able to turn it off like a tap. Love can make you a little crazy and it is completely indiscriminate about how it affects all of us.

I've watched it transform some of the most cynical souls into positive rays of humanity. But equally I have seen it destroy some people's core relationship values and sometimes turn them into carbon copies of their own love tormentors; with their new partners.

How you handle rejection, in life and in love, is one of the great measures of the person you are. I've only had my heart broken once and it wasn't until I accepted it fully, forgave myself for some less than lily white behaviour on my part, that I was able to get over him.

Although it hurt like hell, even now falling in and out of love with that particular person remains the very best love lesson I've ever had.

Am I cautious in love?...darned right I am! Disappointment does that to you, but my heart is 100% open and needs to be treated as such, because once you win it, you will be treated like gold by me.

When I'm in a serious relationship with someone, I'm always optimistic, because I've got no reason not to be. I'm a fan of me - I'm a nice person, (not a supermodel yet, but a diva can dream!), no just a sassy, smart arse and loyal to a fault, so why would I be with someone who didn't see me in the same way.

Honestly, why let yourself be beaten by a situation you can't change. You can't 'force' someone to love you again. Forgive yourself, deal with it and park it. That is how you make peace with your pain and unbreak your heart.

J, hang on in there girlfriend and stay strong !

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