Monday, 29 June 2009

With Arms Wide Open

Well my weekend of misery has been met with an overwhelming wave of support from my girlfriends and some eye opening feedback from the more reliable men in my life.

In the pink corner A kicked things off things with a typically blunt take on my dating meltdown, sending me the following email.

“ B, You are one hot mama but, I have told you on many occasions that your photos are way too tame for those sites. That is why you don't get good enough responses, but you just don't wanna hear iteven though, I think I'm in a perfect position to know what men are like: visual beings. Looks is what gets them interested, personality is what makes them fall in love and they go in this order.

Also, the really fit and muscular guys like girls who are really fit and toned too, so if that's the pond where you wanna go fishing, you know what to do. But let me remind you anyway: more sport, less crap food! I mean, do you think I actually "like" going to the gym?? Alternatively go for boys who are also partial to a bit of cake ;-) – to which I replied “ You really are a total bitch, I may be lovelorn, but I’m not fat!

A continued “My advice is to stop internet dating because, as it's not like normal dating. People don't see each other and the fact that they don't have a person in front of them tends to make them more to the point and less delicate with people's feelings. I think you are more suited to meeting guys in bars, or speed dating. Either way you shouldn't stop dating, just change the format. But you need to get out there, staying at home on a Sat night, eating ice-cream and watching Mamma Mia is not going to help” I did that one night A, just one bloody night and you won’t let me forget it!

While the blue corner M, who knows where all of my skeletons are buried (and the impact they've had on me) was equally honest with me, having first listened to me calmly (remember my meltdowns last at most 24hrs, after which point puffy eyes, lack of ice cream and boredom at my own pity party, causes me to abandon any attempts at at prolonging the misery!) telling him what a crap weekend I’ve just had.

“ I think G’s right, internet dating isn’t right for you. You get emotionally involved with everything you do from work to your personal life. When things go wrong you blame yourself, instead of thinking it’s the guys’ fault. What you want to remember is that all this internet stuff it’s all about selling yourself. I don’t see how you can do that over an internet connection",

"People put up their best pictures, great profiles. before they go and whereas you’ve put up the truth, not everyone else has “ “Sometimes guys will give you one or two emails, that's if they can be bothered to reply to you at all. That's just how guys are". One thing you have to say about M is that he tells it like it is.

"Also you don’t have to be so bloody nice all the time – I mean Curry Boy, he pissed you right off and instead of telling him where to go, you're nice to him have a polite conversation with him. If that had been me I would have told him to fuck right off. You are allowed to be rude, I mean look at you at work, you take charge, you don't take any crap! It just seems like you are trying to please everybody and you don’t have to. Use what’s just happened and remember not to take things so personally. These guys don't even know you and no they don't give a toss, which is another reason why you don't have to invest any of your emotions in them” .

Wise words indeed from the boys.....I promise to listen for a change.

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