Saturday, 19 September 2009

Secrets and Lies

A few of you both here and via Twitter have asked me what my problem is with G's boyfriend aka the Fool. Where do I start ? First there's what G's told me about him. He is smart, but childish, verging on petulant. He's a lightswitch guy - hot one day, ice-cold the next - to the point of making G want to head for the door sometimes.

Then there's his determined efforts to get me on side. It seems he is 'threatened' by my close relationship with G and has made repeated text message entreaties to me to either 'talk to her' when he feels a row is getting out of hand or his latest prose asking "why don't you want to meet me?....I was hoping you, me and G could have a threesome". Another text followed the next morning saying that the previous text was "meant to be a joke".

Next is his jealousy - he is demanding of her time in person, (every weekend she makes a two train hour journey to see him) via text, phone and videocam. During his more dramatic moments when they are rowing, he enjoys doing so via all three mediums for maximum effect.

And rowing is exactly what they are doing again. Having managed to survive a whole week in each other's company at G's place (the first time since the infamous "we were on a break incident"), it seems the Fool still hasn't learnt the lesson that if you go looking for trouble, it will surely find you first.

While staying with G, he went snooping and stumbled across some things that pointed to a really dark time in G's life and some major demons that she had to face, fight and get over. Stuff that I and her other friends who know about it are exceptionally proud of her for dealing with, overcoming and leaving behind.

When I first met G, I didn't like her very much. She seemed cold, spiky and just wouldn't engage with me on any level really. As I got to know her, I found her to be a smart, warm, funny, hugely complicated woman, but with a heart of solid gold. When she told me about her skeletons I didn't occur to me to judge her, in fact I respected her honesty and it was the final part of the puzzle for me as to who she was.

So I was totally pissed off to hear her on the phone, practically breaking her heart, because having 'found out' not been told (which it was G's right to do that in her own time) the Fool decided to give her a hard time about it.

It is hard to own and be honest about your dark side and because of this many of us choose to say nothing for fear of contempt, judgement or rejection. The one place where you expect to find unconditional love apart from family and friends, would be with your special somebody. When that person lets you down, it's no wonder that you feel that the carpet's been dragged out from under you.

I have my fingers firmly crossed that G sees the light and ditches the Fool. Unfortunately, my instinct tells me that she'll do the one thing that so many of us do, even when crappy situations are smacking us in the face; and hang on in there hoping things will get better.

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