A Week of Two Halves

So this is the end of a rollercoaster week which has been defined by two moments.

First the jaw droppingly, dishonest and selfish actions of an ex-friend.

Peppered with "I want", "I need" and "Poor Me" syrup, they shared some ridiculously vital information (so lastminute it beggars belief) via a cowardly email, instead of in person 121 because they knew I would shall we say - kick off !!!!

The email was totally devoid of any accountabilty for the impact of their actions, on someone who has been nothing but caring, helpful and understanding of them and all their shall we say 'issues', particularly in their former workplace.

Just like the mafia, the person in question is 'dead to me now' (though not quite worthy of a horse's head in their bed - far too messy for me!).

I can't stand people who lie to me to my face or in this case by email as well. It's just so pathetic.

Interestingly when I've talked to some of our mutual friends about the fallout, several of them expressed no real surprise, that things turned out the way they did. Unlike me, they witnessed the unpleasant, inherently selfish nature of this person, time and time again and had they're fingers crossed that I wouldn't fall prey to it.

Unfortunately, I did.

So what's the lesson I've learnt? My code of ethics, values and morals apparently aren't the same as this particular person. What this person's behaviour has shown me is that automatically expecting others to adhere to my loyalty code is completely unrealistic.

In fairytales they say good things happen to good people, but the reality is this isn't always the truth. Life just isn't that simple.

Will I be more careful in future about who I support, help and give me time and energy too, you bet your bottom dollar I will ! Manipulative snakes who cry wolf all the time can take a hike !

As for my ex-friend - she's the type of bittersweet memory that Little Miss Karma will take care of and I hope I never have to lay my eyes her on again.

So since I know you read my blog and I know you 'hate' difficult conversations, this is my virtual leaving card message for you

Good luck you spoilt little brat (we both know you're not really a woman yet don't we?), because trust me with an attitude like yours, you are going to need a lot of it !

Love BB  :0 )

Moment two, a far more joyful one, was the confirmation of that new gig for me. Hooray ! It's not permanent (well nothing is right now!), but I feel overwhelmingly grateful to have an opportunity offered to me after a river of no's.

I intend to enjoy and capitalise upon it. Hopefully it's the start of a new chapter on the rolling gigs front. I've got everything crossed.

One last thing,I have to give a massive shoutout to my family (related and online!) and my friends for supporting me to the max as ever. I couldn't do it without you.
 
Big love and loads of BB hugs 
 
-xx-

Out and In !

Consideration for others is the basic of a good life, a good society
~ Confucius

They say when one person leaves your life, they make way for someone better. I look forward to welcoming a new HONEST friend into mine.

They also say karma is a bitch !

I am  incredibly grateful  today to have landed a new gig. It's short-term, but could not be more welcome :0 )

BB is focusing on positivity and moving forward to achieve her dreams !!

The Return of the Golddiggers !!

Sugar Daddy (candy) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well it looks like the Daily Mail has provided me with yet another thing to rant about. 

According to the Mail, 'Sugar Daddy' dating sites have been flooded by students, keen to meet rich older boyfriends, who can fund their 'studies' as they amass debts averaging up to an estimated £53,000 for those starting degrees this year.

The first thing that came to my mind was, when did these women become such drips ?  For me, the thought of being financially beholden to an older boyfriendor or overprotective parents is a fate worst than death.

I remember a few years back when I decided that to go back to university and secure a degree, I was working full-time during the day, studying at night and I had a Saturday job, so I could cover my course fees.

Government help was a no go, as it was deemed that I 'earned' too much, and there were times throughout the three year course, when I wondered why I was bothering.

But do you know what? At no stage did I think a Sugar Daddy was the answer. Maybe it's because I was over 21,  blessed with maturity, street smarts, common sense and a persistent stubborn streak.

That streak, then and now means that when things go wrong, instead of being a whinging "Ms poor little me, I can't cope", I just get practical and will literally move mountains if needed to get out of a tight spot.

This type of self sufficiency and determination appears to be lacking in these young ladies. Their easy route is getting someone else to pick up the tab, saying or doing whatever they want to get their own way and in some cases selfishly lying, pretending to be someone they're not; by that of course I mean genuinely interested in said sugar daddies !

All is well until the Sugar Daddy gravy train pulls into the 'money' station and stays there. Yes, keeping a sugar daddy takes some doing and bearing in the mind the ratio of girls to daddies, it means that a girl can never be too comfortable or assured of the continued support of their daddy, because there's always a queue behind them !

I salute those strong, independent, if a little poor, sisters who would rather work in pubs, retail or even scrub a toilet or two, than take a handout !

She Loves To Love !!

Got a set of ping pong balls in for a project. Had to play with them before anything else (Photo credit: Wikipedia)



I've always thought (and this is just in my humble experience!), those women I know who have elected to act like players, have largely been pants at it.

It seems their emotions have tended to get in the way.

That added to a failure to separate sex from love or lust (depending on the guy), has ensured that somehow, they've always ended up on the losing team.

Dinner with Ms Thang reinforced my beliefs. Ms Thang is one of my more ridiculously beautiful, fabulous girlfriends, who has a great job and who life in general, consistently smiles on. 

But (and this is a big But), she has a unmistakeable talent for hooking up with guys who aren't right for her. To cut a long story short, she always falls for unavailable guys.

Unavailable, emotionally - the guys that say the right thing to keep you sweet, but never say the things that take a casual fling to the next level.  Or physically - due to work, other girlfriends (I kid you not!), sport, their guy friends etc.

Ms Thang insists that her men must be tall (well taller than her anyway!), handsome, have nice homes and cars, bad arse careers - like bankers, traders, senior executive chefs and finally on the personality front; have enough of a flash of arrogance about them to attract her attention, hold it, but never boss her around !

What makes her choices even more puzzling is the fact, that every guy she dates is a direct carbon copy of the last guy, and the guy before oh, and the guy before. Meaning that whichever way she plays her love game, the final result is almost invariably the same.

She ends up DIL - Disappointed In Love!!

Currently she is sort of seeing two guys. Contestant number one who I'll call Mr Ping Pong, because she keeps breaking up with, then going back to on again is in hospitality and therefore works crazy hours. Pinning him down, even via a sexy text alert, has been hard work.

Stir in the fact that he has a harem of other women, who he is also 'seeing' and I wonder what the hell she sees in him at all.

Yet this is the guy, she candidly said is going to be her baby's daddy and who is aware that she's trying to get pregnant, whether he wants a child (he apparently doesn't right now) or not !

Contestant number two is Mr Banker - one of those trader guys who works all the hours in the day, is studying for a MBA and is a few short months away from leaving the country to settle abroad.

After their initial whirlwind romance, when he was so reliably devoted to her, that she nearly dumped him (yes, nice guys freak her out!),he told her that because he was leaving the country soon, they should probably call it a day.

Her response, was to suggest the old 'friends with benefits' gig, as Mr PP always seemed to be busy and it would mean she still got to have her cake and eat it. There's one small problem with that ideal scenario.

By  picking two guys who are essentially the same, she just multiplied her problem of the guy who never has any time. Yes, you've guessed it Mr B was and still is, too busy to get together with her either.

So instead of being the 'let's go to dinner, quality time or just plain booty call girl, she doesn't really see either of them.

"I haven't had it in weeks !" she wailed.

"You know what you're problem is?" I said smiling.

"You won't give the average joe a go. You know, the guy who works a regular 9 - 5. A plumber or a guy who works in a bar or a shop. What about a builder ?You won't give any of those type of guys the time of day.  They actually have some time !!"

"I'm not a snob, it's just that I've got certain expectations from my men" she replied sheepishly.

The expectation of any good relationship is caring, sharing, friendship, love and spending time with each other. If your love list partner (or partners!) doesn't give you any of those things, then it really is time to own up to being a love snob, burn that must-have list of yours; or look forward to more girlie nights out and an empty bed when you get home.

Love Is All Around !

Emotions associated with happiness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ok so let's cut to the chase and deal with the silly stuff first. TOWIE is back on and I am soo soo happy. Add Made in Chelsea and my guilty pleasure viewing is sorted.

Now onto the life stuff....dah...da...daah..da

Have you noticed that you and your friends are never happy at the same time, with the same things?

You know stuff like your lovelife, job, home, life in general.

I had lunch with PL on Friday and she was on cracking form.  She looked happy, radiant and positively beaming. 

Her new job is going well and best of all she has met someone. Not just anyone either. He is a bona fide grown up, intelligent, funny, emotionally available, reliable and SINGLE !  

Hooray I hear you all cheer !!

Having given up on online dating (haven't we all and it's so blooming expensive too!), PL was on a walking holiday with one of her friends. For the most part she enjoyed herself, other than the truly awful weather. 

After one of those colder than cold hikes, they ended up in a country pub. PL at this point resembled the Michelin man on a skiing holiday, as she was literally multi-layered to within an inch of her life. 

Having found a seat her friend started talking to the guy beside her and PL started talking to his friend.

They exchanged details and this sparked up a correspondence - or as I like to call it a retro courtship, which has also been conducted via text and increasingly long phonecalls.

I can't tell you how happy I am for her. I love her shoot from the hip attitude, wiry sarcasm, ridiculous intelluct and wit. 

She's actually a complete marshmallow once you get to know her, who is funny, compassionate and caring (although she won't admit to it!). The only time she ever really has any walls up, because of past disappointments, is when it's to do with love.

That's why her happiness is a joy to see. There's a running joke among my friends about my ridiculous hopefulness about love. For whatever reason and regardless of idiots like R, in my heart of hearts I've always believed in it.

I know ! How soppy am I ? Even when I am rock bottom, that love flame keeps burning. Not lust, not in the meantime, the real deal - big fat, totally amazing love !

PL has always been pretty cynical about love, but I've always told her when you find it, it's easy, kind and makes the world just that little bit brighter.

So my dear PL 'Long Live Love' and I wish you every happiness with Mr Wonderful :0 )

Where's You're Head At?



Head explaination (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Seems I had it all wrong about R. He is an idiot.
Who couldn't resist texting me....again ! 

"Sorry BB. You're spot on. I am a confused soul. I apologise for dumping you by phone. I was thrown by you saying you want children. I don't want any and that was my issue. Anyway how are you? I'm in town on Saturday, so if you're still unhappy with my explaination, I can pop into BB Towers and you can yell at me in person :0 ) x"

There are moments in your dating life when you have no words.  What a jackarse !

He brought up our future not me. I played things cool from the get go and even from the start when he wanted to talk about the future I would steer the conversation elsewhere.  How can you plan the future, when you are still getting to know one and other. Why would you put that level of pressure on yourself?

He asked about children and future goals, not me and he certainly didn't seem alarmed or anxious when we talked about things at the time. Since I'm not a mind reader or clairvoyant, how was I supposed to know that his response to an apparently adult discussion about the future, not today, the future, would be to bolt !!

Clearly he wasn't man enough for me.  Even in his 'faux' apology he had to throw in the joke about us meeting up. WTF!  He just doesn't get it. Sadly in his head, he actually things we're all good, because he's finally sad sorry...friends even !

As Mr T used to say "I pity da fool ! "

Needless to say I ignored his text and I'm out with the girls all day Saturday.  As I've said before I've had a very lucky escape from a child hiding in a 47 year old man's body. God help the next woman he hooks up with !

Silent Witness

HMV Music Store in Hong Kong Elements Shopping Mall (Photo credit: Wikipedia) I've just witnessed something which makes me realise that you are never too old to suffer relationship troubles.

The 50-something couple sitting behind M and I as we had lunch, had the poisonous love connection of a scorpion and it's soon to be dead prey.

It all began as soon as they walked into the restaurant. He stood over her as they sat down, and spat out that if he wanted to mooch around HMV, he bloomingly well would, after all it was a bloody Bank Holiday !

The first thing I thought was that HMV has never evoked such a  passionate response from me, Ever! Even when I've found that previously hard to find movie classic, in their sale section. Or that time I bumped into an early school crush, wearing an ill-fitting HMV black staff t-shirt, while knee deep in dvds trying to load a price gun !

I couldn't believe the venom of the man's attack. I swear he was just like a snarling bulldog, straining on its collar desperate to fly at a new victim, while his wife sat perfectly still, quiet as a mouse, almost as if she was trying to weather his verbal storm, by pretending to be mute and invisible.

The bulldog honestly didn't give a damn who heard him. He marched over to the counter, brought a lone latte, slammed it down on the table and then sat down opposite the mouse before resuming his attack. It was so pathetically sad and uncomfortable to hear and witness.

Once the bulldog's rant was finished, they sat together in silence. He sporadically talked at the mouse, while she rested her head in her hands, before eventually turning away from him.

Occasionally she turned back to look at him with sad questioning eyes, which he responded to with a scornful stare that regarded her with all the contempt, you usually reserve for someone who routinely gets on your nerves.

I wondered what their history was?  How they met? How long they'd been together? Did they have any children? And where did all their love go?

I'll admit that love still baffles the hell out of me. On the whole, I am pretty rubbish at it, having wasted quite a few years, being in love with the idea of love and duly acting like a complete loony tune because of it.

But as a give it 100% kinda lady in all of my relationships, the one thing I've never done is outstayed my 'welcome' or clung to a 'what if' and stayed put with someone because I don't want to be alone.

All of my relationships have been like mini romcom trailers. Each one adding up to make a sequence of scenes in BB's dating history movie, in terms of the emotions and events that happened within their individual lifespans.

I've had my fair share of highs and lows (most of them BB made. What can I say life would be so dull without a little drama !) but I've never been treated with contempt.

Maybe I've been blind to it, or left a relationship before it could disintegrate into the waves of loathing, that I witnessed between the bulldog and the mouse. One things for sure though, I may be single meerkat (my animal double !) right now, but I'll never be a mouse !

EPILOGUE

A big, big thank you for the responses I've had to my Samantha Brick post.  It seems I'm not the only blogger out there who had an audience upswing after their Brick biteback !!!  

It's a pleasure connecting with you guys. One thing I would like to ask, if you haven't done so already (yes I have regular readers who still haven't done it) is that you join the divasdelite followers group (the 40 smiley faces/images you see in small boxes on your left!). It's quick and soo easy to do! Then why not make me smile even more by telling a friend about divasdelite and asking them to join it too !!  

Thank you lots and talk soon

BB :0 )

Response to Samantha Brick - You're Soooo Vain !

BRICKS (Photo credit: marc falardeau) So have you all read the article by Daily Mail writer Samantha Brick ?

If not you need to click the link below:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html

I have not laughed so much in quite a while. Just to paraphrase the article, it centres on Ms Brick's assertion that she sooooo beautiful that the world treats her well and women hate her because she is soooo beautiful !

Having seen her yesterday on Good Morning my laughter turned to total disbelief that the whole thing wasn't actually a wind-up!

From the Captain on her airplane who sent her a bottle of champagne, down to the many men who have crossed her path in life with various other gestures of flowers, or who just can't make it through the day without telling her how gorgeous she is, Ms Brick is firmly of the opinion that most women hate her, because she is sooo beautiful.

She then goes on to catalogue the seemingly endless slights she has received from other women because she is sooooo beautiful and they are soooo intimidated and jealous of her. Before musing that she can't wait for the onset of middle age to diminish her great beauty and equal out the playing field between her and other less beautiful women.

What do I think? How sad do you have to be to shamelessly invite attention by writing something soooo completely ridiculous about yourself.

I examined Ms Brick's seven (yes seven !!) pictures that accompanied her article and wthout being a bitch (which I have no problem being when it's called for!) Ms Brick's looks in my most humble opinion are average.

Just average, but her vain attitude and apparent jealous hatred of other women in my eyes makes her an incredibly ugly person.

The sisterhood has always been competitive and challenging in terms of how we look and judge each other on things as large or small (depending on the amount of energy you want to waste on it ) as looks, or sometimes even evoked petty jealous moments about the clothes, car, man or job we may have or covet.

In my opinion how a woman conducts herself as a human being and in her treatment of others, is the mark of a true beauty. Through experience we ladies soon learn how to spot the true beauties from the shallow ones...the fakes !!

I met one such fake beauty at company I worked used to work for. Initially I was swept along with everyone else by her very obvious beauty into thinking she was just as lovely on the inside as she was on the out.  Actually things couldn't have been further from the truth.

In the time I knew her, I watched her ruthlessly toy with the affections of a rather sensitive male colleague - on and off, mind games - the works. By the time she finished with him, he didn't know which way was up.

Then she slagged off a female colleague so badly about her looks at a social event, that she made her cry, - not a mild snivel a well of tears. I could mention so many other things she did, but life is way too short to talk about such an unpleasant person.

The one shining thing that sticks out of Ms Brick's article is not that she is some sassy lady standing up for herself, beating the drum for beautiful women everywhere, to stand tall and proud, bathed in the super heroine cloak of loveliness; it actually highlights her vanity, self delusion, lack of engagement and any warmth at all. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for self love, but this woman is outta control and it seems I'm not the only one who thinks so.

I am delighted to hear that she has managed to secure the 'lasting' love of a good man, in her husband who according to her

"...takes great pride in hearing other men declare that I’m a beautiful woman and always tells me to laugh off bitchy comments from other women"

because trust me with mindset as small and underdeveloped as hers, if she was single, she would stay that way.... permanently.

He Had It Coming !

SMS: Text Messaging Gets Redesigned (Photo credit: pouwerkerk) Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and sometimes you just have to tell it like it is. Well R had both barrels of BB's shotgun coming.

After weeks of text messages (ignored by me) from him, I pumped him full of verbal bullets and am now praying that he has finally got the message.

After a break-up as abrupt as ours, any reasonable person who had done the dumping would assume that the dumpee might not want to talk to them anytime soon.

Also any reasonable person would not think they could resume talking to the dumpee, without clearing the air first. Wrong on both counts where R is concerned, which is why I had to pull him on his behaviour.

I did it via his favourite communication mode - via text.

"R there is something you've been avoiding, but I have to call you out on - our break-up. You dumped me without discussion or even a face to face. I don't hear a word from you for ages and then you start texting me. You don't apologise for how things ended. You don't say I made a mistake, or I could have handled things better. You don't make any acknowledgement about us breaking up and more importantly the cowardly way you did it. R you clearly have stuff you need to deal with and some personal work to do on youself. I don't know what you want from me and honestly I find your behaviour nuts. You are and have confused the hell out of me".

Did he respond? Of course not. What could he say? I don't know what's going on with him, but he lost the right to expect me to give two figs when we split.

I've never been someone whose stayed friends with my ex's. I can honestly think of nothing worse. Deny  it or not, even if you let time pass before you start talking again, one of you always kinda hopes to rekindle the past - sober or drunk (you know who you are :0) !!

Sitting there trying to make polite conversation with an ex, catching up and maybe awkwardly discussing new partners may be for some people, but it's just not for me. It would be easy to go back to R, but the reason I haven't is because he broke my trust.

I don't trust easily anymore. I used to trust the world wholeheartedly and took a series of almighty universal kickings for it.  It took me what seemed like forever, to realise that just because I would go above and beyond for people, didn't usually mean they'd do the same for me and when I trusted, it was often misplaced.

When you've dated as long as I have, you get to know yourself incredibly well - your strengths and weaknesses and you learn from those quirks of character and own them.

You also come to appreciate what you can't accept or don't want to deal with. Ms Fix It BB left the building years ago and she's not going back to dealing with guys who are players, don't know what they want and refuse to man up to their mistakes, when they make them.

If I hear something from R after that text message, he's an idiot.  I mean it a real idiot.

Just Call Me Lucky BB

One strain of white homing pigeon, and most common, is the Stielbacht. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)Have you ever had a run of happy coincidences, which meant that you landed on your feet, even when you really shouldn't? I have.

It all began when I reconnected with a really good friend who I'd lost touch with. We caught up on our lives, past and present and it was lovely.

The advice and caring support she offered, including putting me in touch with some new contacts to help me secure my next gig, was really overwhelming and re-inspired me to keep going.

Next there's the weather which has been incredible recently. No I'm not suggesting I'm like Storm from the X-Men, able to control the elements, while wearing a skintight catsuit; otherwise it would always be sunny when I get my weave done!

I just mean I lucked out. The good weather meant I was able to sort out the garden out, courtesy of some hard graft and a well timed visit to the Pound shop, whose hanging baskets and pansies have transformed the back garden of BB Towers.

Where's the luck in that I hear you ask? Just that I got every I needed in one go. When I popped back in at the end of the week, those shelves were completely bare of hanging baskets and pansies, replaced by polite 'SOLD OUT' notices.

Then, I finally got round to formally cancelling the storage pod I've been renting in the vain hope of decluttering BB Towers or in my case just to make room for more stuff.

The only problem was I forgot how to get to get to the storage facility and ended up at the end of the bus route at the opposite end of line. My bus driver was a total gentleman who told me to sit tight and as he was taking the bus on the reverse route, he would make sure I got off at the right stop this time. He was as good as his word and he even told me the quickest route back to my house.

The next time I went to the storage pod, somehow I managed to do pretty much the same thing.

Yes I did get lost again, when I tried another route.

It is a truth universally acknowledged by my family and friends, that BB has absolutely no sense of direction. In fact the only time I have something approaching one, is when I am out of the country.

Somehow my fear of sleeping on the beach, instead of my air conditioned room, overtakes my normal direction deprived self and miracleously transforms me into owning the directional antennae of a homing pigeon!

This time my driver who happened to have finished his shift, gave me a lift direct to my storage pod. It was super lucky as I only had enough money on my travelcard to get me home and there weren't any ATM's around.

Then there was my Ebay result moment. I sold a pair of over the knee boots for a brilliant price and just before the auction ended, and quite out of character for me I remembered to tell my bidders, who were global that the original postage was for the UK only and I would give them the correct postage for their region, saving myself a hefty postage hit.

Even though it took myself and 2 other people at the Post Office what seemed like an age to assemble one of those 'easy' to put together parcel boxes, I was still smiling when I left.

Small pieces of luck daisy-chained together, equalled a whole lot of smiles and that's what really counts