January Love Blues

It's not just me suffering the January Love Blues. I had dinner with Little Miss Matchmaker on Friday. Having caught up on all the work gossip, we got down to the inevitable guy talk.

Since we last caught up LMM has got rid of her hot French executive chef because of his cheating (yes, another one....Lord only knows why so many guys out there just can't keep it zipped! Is it some sort of 30/40 somethings male compulsion?)

Just like L, she caught her man out via his email account. He too had been cheating on her throughout the whole three years they were together.

He was so comfortable to doing it, he kept all his emails including the more explicit

"Guess what I am going to do to you next time!" ones, which of course she read.

Unlike L (who is yes still with the cheater, who is undergoing counselling), LMM got rid of him asap, but 2 months on, she is distrustful of all men and is generally despairing of finding a guy who doesn't feel compelled to cheat on her or just be a bit of a an idiot.

Her disenchantment deepened, when Mr Romantic (he chased her through a train station to introduce himself and give her his business card) who replaced the Frog Prince, broke the news to her over dinner, that he was "Sort of engaged!" , but added that she meant a lot to him and he wanted to be with her!

No mention was made of why MR hadn't told her about his engagement from the get go, or just how he was going to see his fiancee and LMM !

I continue to marvel at some men's capacity to sweeten bad news with a cheery after phrase. H was a master at that. Arrgh the tears I cried over that man ho hum !

"What is wrong with me? All of my relationships are rubbish? Just for a change instead of being Miss Independent I want someone to look after me and be able to keep his flies up. I want a baby this year. I'm so ready and yet nothing, not one stupid !", she wailed.

My vast experience of dating disappointment has tempered my men expectations and made me totally realistic about the reality of anticipating exclusivity and fidelity from your man.

I want this double whammy of relationship goodness. We all want it really, but wanting it and actually getting it can be a little tricky !

While it was and is my ideal, I couldn't really blame LMM for her love hangover frustration. She is a total knockout, has a killer body, is so well groomed she looks like she has just stepped off a magazine shoot, is intelligent and solvent and isn't doing much better than I am! What gives ?

I could have joined the "I hate men" pity party, but in keeping with my 2011 mantra of positivity I replied.

"It will happen. Trust me you are far too wonderful to be alone for long!".

I know in my case, I've heard the same line many, many times from family and friends and while I have a world weary belief, that I still might luck out and find someone.

As for LMM I am absolutely sure that if she stops 'fishing out the Frog' in every man pond she dips her heart into, the real McCoy will eventually surface to the top and turn out to be the Prince she's looking for.

A did. She finally went out with the rugby playing fireman she had to cry off sick on last week. Guess what they really, really hit it off. Date no 2 is tomorrow !!!
He's polite, easy on the eye, upfront, tall and actually said he wants a relationship on their first date. Truly he is a prince among eligible men !

She can't stop smiling and I couldn't be happier for her as she is such a sweetheart and has been out with more jackarses than I've had hot dinners.

Who knows maybe her good fortune will rub off !!

Fun All Round

Yesterday I treated myself to a facial and massage, which turned out to be infinitely more enjoyable than being on a nerve wrecking first date.

My massage broke up a super busy day, which hit rock bottom when the attendance for a training session I was running collapsed.

First with technical difficulties connecting with the overseas office and then from one those all to familiar client emergencies. By the time I got home I was frustrated and totally knackered.

I have of course, heard nothing more from GU and have simply chalked him up to another multi-dater, who got 'lucky' elsewhere. Fair play to him.

Today has been good and bad. I am gutted by the news that MF is leaving us for a fabulous opportunity the other side of London at a small agency. I am going miss my favourite Kiwi. Not only is he smart, funny and wise, he really does have a big heart.

When I was sick recently, he practically carried me to my cab and he really appreciated my congratulations card for his 'secret wedding'.He's like the big brother I've always wanted and I am totally going to miss his witty asides and calming presence.

I had just about recovered from this shock, when I heard about MT was going to be in the office. His visits to the office are now so rare, I am thinking of filing sightings of him under 'the endangered eye candy' file.

I know he is completely unobtainable, but it doesn't mean to say that a Diva can't spare a few minutes to stop and stare! We said hi and bye and yes, that was more than enough for me. Look but don't touch - we all have an MT in our lives!

My planned girlie night out, went tits up when D had to work and V texted to say she was sick. Fortunately, it was A's leaving do tonight, so I went to that instead. I laughed until my sides ached and came home still smiling.

Looks Like I'm Free On Wednesday !

Well its lucky I wasn't exactly doing cartwheels about my date on Wednesday, because yes, you've guessed it, he's cancelled !!

We 'spoke' on Friday for a while, just general banter about our week was and what we were up to at the weekend. During the back and forth he mentioned he was suffering from a bout of 'man flu'.

"Hey, yes I've got flu I think it's more than just man flu. Not sure if this week is going to be good for me. I can hardly leave the house. Let aim for next week.
xxx"

Dedicated readers of my blog, know that I have experienced the phenomena that is
'man flu' on numerous occasions throughout my dating efforts, most notably with the Bolter (remember that twat?).

The ability of some guys to pull out the old 'man flu' excuse at will, remains one of life's great fallbacks for the dating man that changes his mind about his potential date.

The funny thing is, that the men in question always believe that we will think that they are genuinely sick.

In fact, guys have used this excuse so often, that it has moved from the plausible, to the folklore of dating excuses, which are guaranteed to make ladies disbelieve and be annoyed at the same time.

In my case because my dating expectations are low and therefore real, I didn't get fired up. I replied - not cold, not dismissive, just chilled and guarded.

"Sorry to hear that, hope you get well soon. Look forward to hearing from you"

I noticed of course, that he was online, at the very same time as I was posting my message to him.

Poor GU, unable to leave the house, full of man flu, but still able to sit online talking to other women,while declaring himself to be....

"A genuine, honest guy, who is most definitely not a player".

Arr the irony of GU's words. Perhaps now is a good time for me to help him and his kind out with a few equally unplausible excuses for men that bail; just so they have a few more to choose from.

1) My plane was delayed, so I'm not going to be able to make it.
2) I was babysitting my next door neighbours' cat.
3) I had to pick my grandma up from the supermarket.
4) I hurt myself when I was doing my army training last night.

On the plus side (because there is always one, even if it doesn't feel like it) at least GU had the decency to tell me well before Wednesday, so I could make alternative plans.

Thanks G.

Legally BB

As we know, some bloggers are frustrated performers or oversharers, well I know I am. This opinion was sealed by an invitation from A this week.

"Hi BB do you want to come and see Legally Blonde with some gays on Tuesday?". .

I could barely contain my excitement.

When I was about 16, I decided I wanted to become an actor.

After some Grade A parent pestering, including a hard core week of BB sad eyes, my Dad dutifully sent me off the Weekend Arts College (WAC) in Camden to train.

I was smitten from the day I walked through those doors. I was surrounded by a group of people who like me thought 'showing off 'was one of the the very best ways to spend your days.

The idea that with a little bit of training, I might if I was lucky, actually earn a living from it was was a chance I was totally willing to take.

Fate of course intervened, when miraculously I exceeded my predicted grades and passed my GCSE's.

That was when my Dad put his foot down and WAC was replaced with harsh talks about the real world of work and the unlikelihood of me as a black actor, being able to earn enough to feed a pigeon,let alone myself.

I let my dream go, but something stirred in me as I watched the dancers and the chorus do their thing...arr what might have been !

Back in the real world, I have a confirmed date for next week with GU.

My one and only resolution was to keep it real on the dating front, so instead of getting all worked up about whether a) he can be bothered to show up and b)is he a good guy, I have entered the dating chill zone.

How long I last in this sensible grown-up zone is debateable.

Back In The Swing!

Now that i'm full of beans again, I've been haring around like a mad woman trying to catch up with herself.

At the weekend I blitzed the house even harder than usual. I was feeling so domestic, I even whipped up a batch of my favourite chocolate brownies - I know, BB in a baking frenzy.

My lust for food, or rather making up for what I've been missing out on recently, led me to having dinner with C, at super sexy restaurant round the corner from BB Towers.

C's new job is going well. She's learnt a hell of a lot from her last few jobs and of course I'm very proud of her for putting into practice some essential career top tips.

First don't get the hots for one of your team (she hasn't spoken directly to Mr Moonlighting since she left. He is apparently regretting not handling things better! Now there's a surprise!) and second, that a little bit of distance between you and your colleagues isn't such a bad thing!

There's nothing wrong with being a mysterious girl once in a while !

BB's Bug

So the reason I've been quiet is that I've been sick. Nothing major just one of those bugs that hits you sideways hard. Two days worth of hurling and a day in bed has opened my eyes to a few things.

First, I have some truly amazing colleagues - I fell ill on the way home, made it back to work where I was looked after by MF and AM.

When you are scarced like I was, mainly because I'm never sick or have ever fallen ill so quickly, you do go a little nuts. Its at moments like that you really value the support and understanding of those who are around you, whose first concern in your time of need is you.

When I finally got home, I arrived to an empty house. I picked up the phone ready to call one of my crew and stopped myself when I realised the time and how ridiculous I was being about being sick.

I doused myself up medicine and climbed into bed for a few hours before my bug sent me running for the bathroom. After my third visit I'll admit, I was feeling very sorry for myself.

When I'm well, I run around a lot. At work and even when I'm at home I'm always doing something. I always keep busy, because I know that sometimes just like everybody, from time to time feels, I feel lonely.

I've consciously stepped away from the whole dating gig, because frankly it was getting a little disappointing, sometimes soul destroying and tiring - even a diva's optimism can flag sometimes !

But the thing is, if I don't keep the faith and keep myself open I won't find the guy I deserve. You know, the one you call when you've had a crap day, or you're sick and you want to be picked up from work or just when you want to be held and told that's everything going to be ok.

Sometimes your family and friends aren't what you need and recognising that can be pretty scary. Changing it can be even harder, but not trying at all is like admitting defeat. I'm not ready to do that yet.

None Of Our Business

One of the very best things about this country is its tolerance.

That tradition of tolerance and embracing of individuality, has led the oppressed and dispossessed throughout the ages to find their way to our shores, where they could live in peaceful harmony unjudged as being anything other than just themselves.

Maybe this sense of live and let live, has spoiled me with the expectation that everyone lives by this code.

I was really shocked by the hysteria and hatred generated on the net about an alleged statement from ex lead B2K singer Omarion in which he 'confirmed' he was bisexual.

I thought that in these englighted times someone's sexuality was their own business and a public judgement of them was completely unnecessary.It wasn't a surprise to me to read that Omarion hit back straightaway, hard like a gangsta via Twitter.

'I DID NOT RELEASE THAT STATEMENT',whatever you like is your business but I AINT GAY OR BISEXUAL,I love women PERIOD!!!!!!!'.

Whether he is or isn't, shouldn't be an issue. When Duncan James, from boyband Blue came out as bisexual, it barely raised a flutter in the British media, despite its reputation as being among one of the most ruthless in the world.

James' reputation in the entertainment industry and with the British public remains 'untarnished' and I for one am glad that a talented, hardworking individual, has not had his career blighted, because he has taken the decision to be be forthright about his personal life.

Happy Anniversary BB

I can't believe that roundabout this time last year I was settling down to another year working for HWMBO and completely dreading it.

If anyone would have told me that exactly one week later, I'd be clearing my desk and heading out the door, then really I wouldn't have believed them. I'm lots of things, but my idea of risk taking has never, ever involved my work.

I've always been the slow and steady kind of girl.

One year on from that dark, very unhappy place and I truly can't recognise myself or more importantly, my outlook on my life.

I love going to work!

There I said it. For those of you who hate me for saying that, take it from one who knows, there is no time like the present for you to find another job!

For those of you, who've been through what I did and came out on the other side, all power to you for fighting your way out of a negative situation, dealing with crap, learning about yourself in ways in never felt possible.

Working on yourself, all in pursuit of your very own work happiness, can be pretty rough. Sometimes it takes hitting your lowest point, is the only way you can see how bad things are and decide that you are worth so much more.

Why would anyone want to 'settle' or put up with less than they deserve?

At work now, I'm surrounded (as I was previously and will always be thankful for keeping me sane!) by a group of people I enjoy working and spending time with; but the best part is being regularly recognised for doing good work by my big Boss.

Pathetic as it seems that random "well done" or "thanks for sorting that out", from BB puts a mega grin on my face and makes me realise how ridiculously lucky I am.

You can't pick your family, but you do choose the office 'family' you work with and when you get that right, particularly when you think about how much time you spend with them, well then you're not doing too badly.

If you get your work life balance sorted out as well, take a moment to step back and see exactly what you can achieve elsewhere in your life.

Go on! I double dare you !

Poaching In Someone Else's Backyard !

D came over for dinner. I thought it was going to be a girly gossipy night, until she dropped a little bomb on me.

Yes, the New Year hasn't even really gotten underway and D has jumped off the deep end and reunited with the married guy, she has been wasting her time with on and off all year; despite all of us telling her to walk away.

The older I get and particularly when I'm dating, married men keep popping up and if you aren't careful it can be really easy to get involved with one. So what's their appeal. Simple, they're initially unavailable. Think about your biggest temptations and invariably the more out of reach they are, the more you want them.

That's D's problem. Like some urban Angelina in the ten years that I've known her, she has always gone after 'that guy', be he married or dating someone, because she figures he's the catch, that some else caught.

She always knows exactly what she was walking into, but this time she forgot that the easiest thing you can lose control of is your heart. And, if its to the wrong person, then get ready for a sea of hurt feelings and disappointment.

Strangely she came to me for words of wisdom, which is kind of ironic, as I made a complete jackarse of myself many moons ago (with H) in just the same way.

The benefit of hindsight (and if you're lucky, the best lesson you'll ever learn) is that if you see one of your friends heading for that same oh so inevitable Thelma and Louise moment, you can grab the steering wheel of their hearts and hopefully get them to pull over, while they get a hold of themselves.

That is until your friend utters the two cliches that divide the smart from the gently deluded.

"But I love him and I just want to be with him" said D.

I could have danced around the obvious, but I like her way too much to do that, so I replied

"I hear you cherub, and I'm not disputing how strongly you feel about this guy, but trust me when his wife finds out and he realises that he could loose that otherwise perfect, but slightly dull life he actually has, you will be dumped double-time. Save yourself the humiliation and bail out while you can".

She cried. Right in front of me, she flat out folded up into a heap of streaming tears, streaky mascara and a very red runny nose.

I felt like the original mean girl, but sometimes the only thing you can do is to give your opinion to a friend, break out the kleenex and the hugs and then hope that they get off lightly.

What D needs to remember is that married men can be just like Peter Pan. They love Wendy, but it doesn't stop them wanting and not always being able to resist the charms of Tinkerbell.

The difference between fact and fiction is that however hot Tinkerbell is, she just can't compete with Wendy.

First Day Back

Today was like that horrible first day back that you remember from your school holidays.

You know what I'm talking about - that moment when you know you have to get up, but you hit snooze on your alarm, pull the blankets back over your head and try to grab just ten more minutes!

The day raced by and I surprised myself by working through my to do list in record time and continuing to work on my 2011 goals at home.

At the core of everything I am going to achieve this year (yes, I'm being super positive!) is being more true to myself.

Last year I spent a lot of time biting my tongue, then wondering why people assumed I was just going to go along with what they said.

This year I'm not playing this game. I'm not going go nuts and let my mouth run away with me, but I'm not going to put up with crap or say what I think people want to hear from me.

Take one of the guys who I pulled from my love interest stack. He asked -

"How long have you been on the web site? What would your perfect match be? Which is the best way to understand if some one could be the right one?"

In the past I might have micro analysed it. Triple dissected why he was asking the questions and the impact of my answers. Not anymore.

My response:

1) Over a year.
2) Someone who is chilled, not a player, comfortable with himself and me.

and finally,

3) It's all about a connection, chemistry and getting along with one and other.

Short, sweet, non-rambly but very me and it felt oh so good.

New Beginnings

Well it seems like I'm not the only one who's put finding love somewhere on my 2011 to do list.

I have received 15 emails and 23 winks, which makes me think there were an awful lot of lovelorn boys online last night and some very hungover men this morning. If anyone diverting pops up, you'll be the first to know !

It should be fun, especially since my 'must haves' list is practically empty. All potential love interests must be:

Single (aka Unmarried, no reoccuring ex-girlfriends or sexy 'friends', who might become single)

Smart (well no one wants to hang out with an idiot do they?) and

Funny (the sillier the better!)

Yep 2011 is all about me being a real, low maintenance kinda gal !