Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Poaching In Someone Else's Backyard !

D came over for dinner. I thought it was going to be a girly gossipy night, until she dropped a little bomb on me.

Yes, the New Year hasn't even really gotten underway and D has jumped off the deep end and reunited with the married guy, she has been wasting her time with on and off all year; despite all of us telling her to walk away.

The older I get and particularly when I'm dating, married men keep popping up and if you aren't careful it can be really easy to get involved with one. So what's their appeal. Simple, they're initially unavailable. Think about your biggest temptations and invariably the more out of reach they are, the more you want them.

That's D's problem. Like some urban Angelina in the ten years that I've known her, she has always gone after 'that guy', be he married or dating someone, because she figures he's the catch, that some else caught.

She always knows exactly what she was walking into, but this time she forgot that the easiest thing you can lose control of is your heart. And, if its to the wrong person, then get ready for a sea of hurt feelings and disappointment.

Strangely she came to me for words of wisdom, which is kind of ironic, as I made a complete jackarse of myself many moons ago (with H) in just the same way.

The benefit of hindsight (and if you're lucky, the best lesson you'll ever learn) is that if you see one of your friends heading for that same oh so inevitable Thelma and Louise moment, you can grab the steering wheel of their hearts and hopefully get them to pull over, while they get a hold of themselves.

That is until your friend utters the two cliches that divide the smart from the gently deluded.

"But I love him and I just want to be with him" said D.

I could have danced around the obvious, but I like her way too much to do that, so I replied

"I hear you cherub, and I'm not disputing how strongly you feel about this guy, but trust me when his wife finds out and he realises that he could loose that otherwise perfect, but slightly dull life he actually has, you will be dumped double-time. Save yourself the humiliation and bail out while you can".

She cried. Right in front of me, she flat out folded up into a heap of streaming tears, streaky mascara and a very red runny nose.

I felt like the original mean girl, but sometimes the only thing you can do is to give your opinion to a friend, break out the kleenex and the hugs and then hope that they get off lightly.

What D needs to remember is that married men can be just like Peter Pan. They love Wendy, but it doesn't stop them wanting and not always being able to resist the charms of Tinkerbell.

The difference between fact and fiction is that however hot Tinkerbell is, she just can't compete with Wendy.

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