Wednesday, 12 January 2011

BB's Bug

So the reason I've been quiet is that I've been sick. Nothing major just one of those bugs that hits you sideways hard. Two days worth of hurling and a day in bed has opened my eyes to a few things.

First, I have some truly amazing colleagues - I fell ill on the way home, made it back to work where I was looked after by MF and AM.

When you are scarced like I was, mainly because I'm never sick or have ever fallen ill so quickly, you do go a little nuts. Its at moments like that you really value the support and understanding of those who are around you, whose first concern in your time of need is you.

When I finally got home, I arrived to an empty house. I picked up the phone ready to call one of my crew and stopped myself when I realised the time and how ridiculous I was being about being sick.

I doused myself up medicine and climbed into bed for a few hours before my bug sent me running for the bathroom. After my third visit I'll admit, I was feeling very sorry for myself.

When I'm well, I run around a lot. At work and even when I'm at home I'm always doing something. I always keep busy, because I know that sometimes just like everybody, from time to time feels, I feel lonely.

I've consciously stepped away from the whole dating gig, because frankly it was getting a little disappointing, sometimes soul destroying and tiring - even a diva's optimism can flag sometimes !

But the thing is, if I don't keep the faith and keep myself open I won't find the guy I deserve. You know, the one you call when you've had a crap day, or you're sick and you want to be picked up from work or just when you want to be held and told that's everything going to be ok.

Sometimes your family and friends aren't what you need and recognising that can be pretty scary. Changing it can be even harder, but not trying at all is like admitting defeat. I'm not ready to do that yet.

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