Friday, 1 July 2011

Oh Dear !

No I haven't forgotten you all. I've just been going through one of those difficult BB times. As you will all remember a year and a bit ago, I finally managed to escape the 'clutches' and daily torture of working for HWMBO.

I landed up working in my dream industry, doing a job with that finally took me away from being a PA and actually paid me a decent salary.

You can guess what's happened. My contract's up, suddenly the project budget has evaporated and next week is my last week in my little piece of work heaven.

I knew it was coming after a particularly blunt conversation with W, who has distinguished himself, by doing absolutely nothing to aid my cause to stay put.

On the news I of course jumped at the chance of working with another team, doing another really choice role, while throwing my cv out to just about everyone as well as a few digital pitches for good measure.

This week despite having proved myself more than up to the task, I was told the same no budget line, plus they need someone more experienced.

The words brick and head banging comes to mind.

In the meantime, news of my imminent departure has been met with lots of:

"I'm sorry to hear that", avoidance by a few people who by merit of their roles, have known that my fate was pretty much sealed ages ago and even more infuriatingly so many people telling me what a great job I've done.

I've always had an ethic of hard work and belief in myself, purely because I've so regularly heard no nearly always in connection with my career advancement (a testament to all those wasted years as a PA!), but I have to say I am really disappointed.

The white charger moment that seems to happen in our little media bubble, as an out of contract worker, gets a new contract,usually supported by a panicked boss, realising they need to keep their charge hasn't happened for me, because of W's stance.

Rather than depress myself unduly with the reality of actually committing to moving in a new flatmate (C refuses to move out of his bachelor pad, despite offering sympathy over my situation) and preparing to return to the ranks of the typing pool (the horror! the horror!, but Ms BB's gotta pay her bills!).

All the time, waiting for that next right now elusive role, I have decided to distract myself by going after my dreams.

Particularly the most impossible ones...the way things are going, trying to follow the conventional stable path to supposed security (which of course you never have while you work for someone else),just isn't on the cards for me.

I think I almost need to let myself 'fall' into the success and happiness I want and think I deserve. All my super officious career planning has actually gotten me nowhere.

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