Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Door To Our Future

As you all know I hate Christmas, but this year I've decided to change things up by working with the homeless at a hostel with LL and N. I am also attending the 'Orphans Christmas' at N's house.

The reason for my change of heart I've decided not to let the present and my future be coloured by some bad experiences in my past.

It's funny how I easily I can let go of my romantic hit and misses (apart from H, but I've mothballed all of that away now!), probably because I'm so used to picking myself up, after consigning the latest 'Mr Not Quite Right' to the unsuitable pile.

Also because through my friends and inevitably this blog, I work through all my dating joys (few, but precious!) frustrations, laughter and disappointments.

I can look back on things like my defunct friendship with G, with a smile. We had some really good times together...but I always knew that I if we ever stopped hanging out, I wouldn't really feel it that much.

I was always more self sufficient, together and less needy than her, which is probably why we got on so well together. And I've always valued my family and friends over my partners however, great our relationship was or is. You never know what's around the corner.

I don't even despise HWMBO anymore, in fact I should thank him. If he hadn't been so unpleasant, I'd still be there chasing my tail. Trying to cope with his impossible demands and making myself sick with worry and completely miserable in the process.

Yes, I've let it go, because after all the crap with him I've found a role that challenges me, that I'm good at and regularly praised for. I am good enough, which of course I always was.

I realise that all the blood and sweat I invested, in doing my degree at night school was worth every moment. First time around, I just wasn't ready for it and didn't see the value of having a decent education and the choices that possessing one would give me.

Most of all I realise that your future, which we always see so clearly at the end of each year, is yours and mine to to mould and realise as we want it to be.

It is what it is.

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