Monday, 17 August 2009

Age Ain't Nothing But A Number Or So They Say

The continued absence of HWMBO has made coming to work a joy again and continues to keep my spirits so high, that just thinking about him returning next week was enough to cause a moment of anxiety, that could only be relieved by a tall latte.

My weekend was interrupted only once by the shadow of him, as I queued in the Post Office on Saturday morning, clutching an envelope full of documents requested by him on Friday at 5:45, long after our postman had like Elvis 'left the building'.

On Sunday I checked my dating account - B37 had contacted me to tell me he was on holiday with his children (no I have learnt my lesson and notgone the way of the Hottie again - this one's actually single, possibly emotionally available and hey best case scenario might actually like me and even email me again. God I'm an optimistic cow aren't I?

As well as B37's email were winks and emailes from 15 new men. I say new, judging by the ages of some of them, the last time anything was new for them, the Queen Mother was still on the throne. As I shifted through my 'man pile', I was tickled to find that several men were actually 60 plus, each quite seriously feeling they could take me on.

I've always marvelled at older mens' delusional take on their attractiveness, personified by the numerous 30 somethings and overs, who when their looking for new mates, having already traded in their old ones (you would hope!) always start from the lowerest tweenie starting base.

Any diva looking forward to ending a physical drought of nearly three years, knows that the lucky recipient of her favours, will know no sleep - probably for an indefinite period of time, God help him! Quite frankly, looking at this bunch of old men, young boys and weirdos and thinking about some of my previous playmates, I don't thi1nk any of them could handle me right now!

My online profile states exactly what I am looking for. I rather vainly made some declarations about my 'Mr For The Time Being'. My potential date (I no longer talk in the terms of boyfriends, partners, f...buddies etc as my cynical disbelief in any of the above, is much like a miracle diet or pink elephants - a beautiful thought, but ultimately a fairytale if I'm involved), should possess some of the following qualities:

First a pulse, next a dash of honesty (an urban myth where men are concerned I have found to my cost), openness (that means securing the affections of an honourable man who tells you almost everything, as opposed to whatever he thinks will keep you sweet!). He should be single ( H taught me everything I need to know about that requirement ! c) be funny (I can't be all the time!) d) be wise and dare I say it (particularly after the chubby charms of R’s lovehandles for the whole 2 years we dated), be fit.

I look down at my mortley crew of 'suitors' again and laugh my socks off ! Serves me right for having such a high opinion of myself. Karma really is a sarky bitch with a warped sense of humour, who has her own special way of sending you a message !

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