Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Hunting High and Low

Getting up at the crack of dawn, even if it's to go on holiday has always left me cold. I love my bed as much as food, my handbags and the blue packet Haribos. Heading towards the station on an overly noisy bus (why do they make the door release alarm so loud?), only the thought of a tall latte was keeping me from curling up quietly into a ball and dropping off to sleep again.

As I crossed the platform to take up my usual spot I saw him.....PP. He caught my eye, clearly saw me, then turned tail and got on the nearest train carriage. I smiled smugly to myself, happy in the knowledge that I'd had the good sense to resist his charms, and not sleep with him on our first and as it turned out only date.

There is no clearly defined etiquette for how to deal with bumping into one date wonders, but I couldn't help thinking his behaviour was at least consistent with his own description of his being " ....a bit coward at dealing with relationship stuff!".

The same connot unfortunately be said of my other cyber suitors. Since rejoining the ranks of virtual Juliets' seeking their Romeos', I have been flabbergasted by the delusions of eligiblilty displayed by some of the men who have contacted me.

The boldness of the dating man is one of the world's great marvels. The rather general assumption that regardless of age, lifestyle, ambition etc that most women are fair game for a crack at, particularly if those women happen to be 'available', dateless and online !

Women waste no time in forensically dissecting mens' online profiles for any clues about their likes and dislikes and possible suitability as boyfriends or indeed husbands. They then torture themselves as to whether their chosen matches are 'in' or 'out' of their dating league and finally they check the preferred age range of their prey.

Two potential suitors have topped my list of "Are you joking, can you seriously see us together you weirdo!". B1 has recently returned to the UK from Australia and was "...Looking for a hot chick to start something casual with, which might turn into something long-term" Lucky me!

B1 so closely resembled a Victorian chain gang convict, complete with tattoos, that following three emails, a request to include me in his contacts and two attempts to 'chat' with me, I had no option but to place him on my blocked contacts blacklist. My decision was sealed by his affirmation that he was "Not as tough as he looks!" Urgh!

WF hailed from Wales and declared that he was unable to load a profile picture, due to him being useless with PC's and that he didn't look like Brad Pitt, but I could do a lot worse. He suggested I could google his business website, where I could 'indulge myself' with seeing a few pictures of him in action, complete with a rubber apron.

Yes, I did say a rubber apron. He said he was willing to come and see me in London (even though he doesn't like London) and rounded things off by telling me I was beautiful. You can guess the rest! His pictures revealed him to be fat, balding and about 60! But apparently in his head, I could do a lot worst ! De.....lusional !!!

It would seem that a woman's profile picture and availability, are enough to embolden some men into believing they truly are God's gift and are the elusive Mr Right to whoever they take a shine to. Notice, I said 'some' men...there are good ones out there, it's just that they're never interested in or are available for me to have a crack at.

** Newcomers to the blog should also read July - Guess Who's Going On A Non-Date and Good Girls Sleep Alone.......so they can get the full SP on PP ! **

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