Hello 2010 !

Well this is it! Unbelievably I have made it through this year relatively unscathed and in full possession of my marbles ! I began the year practically on flatline. Not sure entirely what the year would hold for me, in truth full of fear and wondering where the next potshoot was going to come from.

Slowly I set my sights on doing something with my writing - which evolved into this blog, that has allowed me to praise, bitch, air my hopes and fears and sometimes just moan about how crap life can be.

Next came work, a real rollercoaster of a ride, that one. Just when I've thought I was on track HWMBO would pull out one of those pesky bananas skins and launched it so neatly that I'd end up on the floor wondering what the hell had just happened.

The battle continues and as every warrior princess knows just because you loose the odd battle, doesn't mean you have to lose the war!

Then there was my lovelife - a train wreck at the beginning of the year and much the same at the end of it, but hey nobody's perfect right? Having played at and failed miserably trying to date in the 'real world', I took my love search into cyperspace.

This particular journey, has been at turns exciting, miserable, funny, exasperating, disappointing, frustrating but so worthwhile as ultimately, I've learnt so much about myself.

I am a catch (and a true diva!) but a blooming fussy one! I have realised that sometimes that 'he must have' checklist that so many of us divas have, can actually mean we let guys who might actually turn out to be the 'real deal' slip through our fingers.

I'm not in love with the idea of being in love anymore. Yes I did just say it it ! Finding someone would be great, but not if I have to sacrifice me - what I want and how I want to be treated - I deserve!

I am not sure what 2010 holds for me, but I do know that whatever it is I can deal with it!

Oops DG Does It Again!

I arrived at work with two lattes in hand, ready for a pow wow with A. When I found his seat empty, my heart sank as I realised that he was probably having a Garbo moment and couldn't be bothered to leave his bedroom and make his way to work on such a miserable rainy day. So I called him.

"You know usually I'd say you were being a little dramatic, but I have to say what I said last time, this guy is behaving like a fucking idiot! Either he's are in or out. I mean he disappears and comes back and that behaves like this!" "That's exactly it!" I replied "I have no idea how someone could turn something as simple as hanging out together, in something so bloody complicated!. If he playing around with someone else, why doesn't he just say so!"

The morning came and went - no phone call. This afternoon no phone call. Then at 5:14pm "Hi I haven't forgotten you, I'll call you back in an hour!" "Ok" I managed to say, while trying to pay for some groceries. By 7:00pm no call back, so I texted "U ok?" (which as we all know in man language could mean anything from she wants to marry me, to she's trying to catch me out so I better come up with something to say).

He replied "Call you later all good". Well its 12:15 and still no word from him. Annoying, but so pathetically predictable. Men !

D-Day Looms !

All things being equal, tomorrow I should be meeting DG to go to the cinema and then have dinner. At the end of this meeting both of us should know whether we a) like each other ) can be bothered to see each other again and c) want to give dating a go.

I say we should be, because once again a spanner has been thrown into the works. First DG disappeared off the radar, now he says he has heard that the weather is potentially going to be bad tomorrow, preventing him from driving down to see me.

Do I believe him, in a word no! His excuse is way too convenient. I checked the weather in his area for tomorrow and guess what aside from some rain, it' going to be ok, that's right not the severe weather conditions he's mentioned to me.

So why the charade? Why not just say what's on your mind? Are you in or out DG?

There comes a point when a diva's gut tells her that she's heard one too many excuses from someone. Maybe given one too many chances to that same someone and then if she's smart, however, reluctantly she will turn on her favourite stilettos and leave that certain somebody behind.

I am looking forward to his promised early morning phone call he has 'promised' to give me tomorrow!

My Bad Boy !

So you want to know what's been happening with DG? Well he's been texting and phoning and....but wait a minute we've been here before haven't we?. Whereas before I was beguiled and more than a little hopeful, now I am cautious.

Of course I still like him, I am just being careful. As with any disappointed dating diva, I have promised myself to keep my head and listen to it (for a change) instead of being overwhelmed by fairy dust and fluffy daydreams.

Yesterday, he dropped the bombshell. "I want to come and see you on Boxing Day. I can drive down in the afternoon. We can spend some time together and....." "Hold on a minute", I interrupted. "That sounds suspciously like a date. You sure you want to do that. That is a pretty high level of commitment for you. You know you would be required to turn up".

"You're not going to let me live my AWOL moment down anytime soon are you", he replied laughing. Deeds not words DG, actions not statements of intent!

Besides, forgiving someone for acting like a prat is all well and good, but not learning from what has happened, that's just stupid. Do I trust him and think he'll show up this time? My lips are sealed !

EPILOGUE - Being a man, the rationale of taking to the open road to meet up with with a diva who lives two hours away from you, on Boxing Day may seem very plausible; but of course I jumped on it. So the new plan is to meet up next Tuesday....I am now definitely glad I didn't put any money on this meeting working out!

Departures and Promises

Well the sad day has arrived when I bid a sad farewell to Big D. Big D as you may remember is one of my most favourite men.

He is an out and out hound. But what I love about him the most, apart from him being an amazing Dad, a good friend who listens to me (usually when I am at my most scatty!), whose ability to make me laugh out loud never fails him, matched with his general self depreciating humour; is his total honesty about what he offers women; which in short at this moment in time, is an uncommitted return booty pitspot.

If you're special you'll get dinner and maybe even a show, otherwise its flighty Facebook messages and a few cheeky text messages. Yet despite his smoothly executed dating moves, always laid out clearly with a 'no commitment tag'; his strike rating with women has this year been on par with a footballer who can't help but score, in practically every single match they are involved in.

He is taking a year off to go travelling and as we reminicised today over both our dating highs and lows (mainly mine of course) this year, he let slip that I am one of the few women in his life who is actually an out and out friend, as opposed to a failed relationship he has tried to transition from a trainwreck in a friendship cum return pickled (kept on ice, to be entered in the event of horny dog emergency) booty call.

" What an honour you do me big D" I laughed. "At least I'm honest about it B. I don't promise them anything, but somehow they all want a piece of big D". Which brings me to a question, why do women love bad boys?

I know why, because they're usually, funny, super sexy and so devillishly unpredictable in terms of their behaviour, particularly when dealing with their earnest conquests, that even when they're treating you like dirt, you strangely want more of the same.

The type of women who date BB's cheerfully resign themselves to always being part of a revolving merry-go-round of other women. BBs are never be around when you really need them and at that at the first mention of the 'C' word, any self respecting BB is likely to a) break out in a cold sweat and b) disappear off the love radar - as happened with the dancer (Big D, I couldn't resist mentioning her, poor deluded creature!)

Don't get me wrong I'm not judging these women who happy with all of the above. I prefer to take the higher, more entertaining long-term ground (catch-up sessions with Big D are hilarious) and be one of the very few women friends a BB has, who hasn't been seduced by his charms, adores him for being his bad self, and always being so bloody honest, that you can't help being honest with them in return.

Big D I salute you and wish the women who are about to become involved with you all the luck in the world. They are most definitely going to need it! Stay in touch Big D and as ever loving your work babe!

Return of the Bolter Part 2

So how did we end things? Well we didn't. DG wants to meet. I said we should carry on talking as friends until he trusts me, the situation and deals with whatever relationship demons he has... It is as simple as that.

I am not prepared to 'fix' anymore men. I want to be with someone who is uncomplicated and ready to e with someone who can't be bothered with drama. Someone who is whole - not missing commonsense, courage, the ability to listen to what I am saying and take it seriously.

While I'm at it, I forgot to mention mention balls. No I haven't become obessessed by them suddenly, but it does seem that finding a guy who possesses a pair is a big ask.

Will DG bolt again....your guess is as good as mine. He is officially on probation !

Return of the Bolter

I kid you not, DG aka The Bolter has just been on the phone to me. First I received a text "I have been a bit of a twat if i'm honest. Are you still talking to me?". To which I replied "I didn't stop talking to you, it was the other way round, but I never hold grudges, life's too short. R u ok ? (the phrase that was met with by the stony silence a few weeks ago!).

To which he replied "I'm good, just dealing with some shit. How are you doing gorgeous?" Now right about here, any smart man would have thrown himself at my mercy, and repeated the words sorry 'Sorry I was and am a jackarse' over and over again. Two ignored text messages from him later (oh yes, I can ignore people too!) and I got the call.?

He apologised for disappearing, but I wasn't willing to let him off the hook. "Why did you behave in such a stupid, immature way?" I asked. "I just didn't trust the whole internet thing or us", he stammered.

"Not good enough", I snapped. "You need to treat any relationship as unique. I am not responsible for your relationship history and I don't see why you should use you past experiences to throw in my face. I don't deserve that and frankly it's your stuff to deal with, which is why your behaviour pissed me off so much. It was just plain rude and totally unnecessary!"

"I know and again I apologise I really wanted to spend time with you, but all I could think about was what if it went wrong and...." I interrupted "If you are not willing to take a chance on meeting someone, putting yourself out there, being honest and upfront, then you are just going to wind up alone, like you are right now".

"I hear you" he replied, "So what do we do now?"

Little Miss Christmas !

Christmas is kind of a double-edged side for the single diva. On the one hand you are pushed into the arms of your family, often for an extended period of time, during which you often revert into the body and mindset of a sulky teenager.

While on the other hand you realise that you will wake up alone on Christmas morning and you won't be receiving that one gift from someone very special , which shows how much they love you.

Rather than give in to the depression that can grip at this time of year, as you hear about friends engagements, weddings, babies and dream jobs, let's take a few minutes to consider the joy of being single at Christmas.

You will not have deny yourself your little luxuries, of clothes, food, and sometimes dare I say it shoes, so that you are able to afford to buy your significant other that ridiculously extravagant gift, that he has been banging on about for the last few weeks.

You will not have clone yourself into a smiling Cheshire Cat, nodding at that incredibly boring story you are being told about your boyfriend when he was three by his vaguely deaf aunt.
And you won't sit beside your Mum cringing as she pulls out your first nativity play photographs to embarrass you with.

You can pad around in your pjs, watch old movies all day long and if you are very, very smart use this 'alone time' to recharge your batteries and take sometime for yourself and maybe even discover the true meaning of Christmas.

Flogging a Dead Horse

Christmas comes but once a year and kicks us singletons in the teeth with all the gusto of a parent, battling a clone of themselves for the last one, of this seasons' must-have toy.

In the midst of all the seasonal madness, the search for someone to snuggle up to continues unabated. I have not heard from Mr Invisible since Saturday and was surprised to receive the following from him.

"Are we still meeting? x" in a text message sent at 5:28 on a very cold Wednesday in a snow wrapped London town. I raised one eyebrow, scratched my head and then reflected on our last conversation, in which he had promised faithfully to let me know by this week Tuesday latest, whether he had space in his presidential duties (let's be honest, the way he carries on, you would honestly be forgiven for thinking that he is the busiest and most powerful leader of the free world); to catch-up with me this week.

Hearing nothing by the end of Tuesday, I made alternative arrangements in the shape of some last minute Christmas shopping and a hot chocolate in town with a friend. After his message I called him back, because I couldn't resist getting to say the following in very solemn tones.

"It just feels like our schedules are challenging and continually conflicted and you really don't have any time for anyone right now". I paused waiting for his response, sensing his realisation that he was about to be terminated.

"Why don't we try after Christmas?" he replied hopefully. "Only if you have the time" I said holding back my laughter. As if ! Second chances are all well and good, but when you reach fourth and fifth ones it is just plain stupid.

Why do men say one thing and then do the complete opposite and then make out that it is somehow completely unavoidable? In short, they are blameless ! Take MP, one of my funniest, hottest, smartest girlfriends' who moved to LA and immersed herself in the dating culture of her Stateside cousins with style.

After several unhappy attempts at the usual friend of a friend's brother, internet, work and blind dating, she found herself a British guy, one who we actually knew when we were in college. Should have been onto a winner, right?

Not exactly. For the past three years they have rubbed along together reasonably well, but once a year, every year , having always agreed previously to it, he bails on coming back to the UK to meet her parents at Christmas.

His reasons grow more colourful each year from childcare (he has a daughter), car and money issues , through to him having and by default, wanting, to do things with his own family, this is one guy who is completely unabashed at letting my friend down and then adding to her misery by letting her face the the music "el solo" back in the UK.

Every year he knows he's in the wrong, so his latest story increases in length, becomes more fanciful and ultimately is so flimsy, when 'tested', that she doesn't believe him.

"I'm tired of making excuses for him. I just want out. He is soooo selfish. If he wants something then fine, it has to happen and I have to compromise, otherwise he just sulks. Why do I keep finding arseholes like this" . You can guess my response.

"Dump him, but do it after Christmas, you don't want to stress yourself out during the holidays. You have too many parties to go to and too much fun to have. He doesn't respect your feelings period and he's not ready to meet your parents, in fact he may never be ready to meet your parents".

"He's not man enough to do the decent thing and say it aloud, he rather plead the "It Wasn't Me" line of defence. As for why you keep finding arseholes, because that's life. You have to take the rough with the smooth and sometimes, crap keeps coming your way. "

While I love MP's commitment to hanging on in there with her man, there comes a time in every diva's life, when you have to find the strength to walk away and not even give a damn about it. Why should you? Because trust me....the one you are leaving behind won't !

Mr Invisible Has No Balls !

As you may recall, when last I touched on the saga of Mr Invisible we were supposed to have dinner on Tuesday, which was then moved to Friday, which didn't happen because when he finally called me on Friday, it was way too late to meet up.

The conversation as usual was taken up by him going on about buying his house. His obsession with this subect is now beyond the pale. He has agonised and over-analysed every aspect to such a degree that I had to remind him "...to calm down and not kill the joy of buying your first home".

This seemed to calm him down, until I let slip that I brought my house from start to finish in 28 days and hadn't really stressed out about it. This set off a replying rant about him "...needing to be sure, about things!".

He suggested we meet on Saturday. Saturday afternoon came I texted him and told him I was at a photographic exhibition, asked whether he wanted to join me and maybe grab some dinner afterwards.

Two hours and two texts (including one to delay meeting by one hour) and two phone calls later and Mr Invisible still hadn't even left the house yet, due to a problem with the tube network (aka subway system to my transatlantic readers!).

An interested man, with a pair of balls, would have found an alternative mode of transport to get to his destination and prevent him from being labelled a serial 'no show'."No worries", I texted after his cancellation text "I've made other arrangements anyway".

My issue with Mr Invisible? If he can't be bothered to make the effort and show up once, twice or however many times, why should I get upset about it....really not worth my energy. The exhibition was great and dinner with the girls was even better!

Technology and A Very Bad Party.

I use Facebook for a number of reasons - first to catch up with friends, next to find out what friends of friends are up to and finally just like any other self respecting diva to find out what my exes are up to!

Now don't say you haven't done it....we all have. Nervously typing the name of an ex, waiting for the search engine to flicker green with the results answer. Imagine my disappointment when I was met with an announcement telling me about changes in security settings.

I tagged my most recent long-term ex and was annoyed to find I was locked out his profile and the reassuring sight of his still being listed as single some two and a half years after we parted. Sad I know but technology can be so unjust sometimes.

However, nothing is more unjust to a diva then a badly organized social event. Have ploughed through another day of joy with HWMBO, I was looking forward to my office Christmas party. Pulled together by the Sports and Social Club I gladly handed over my £12.50 and headed on over to a bar on B Street.

What a mistake! I arrived fashionably late to be met with the uncertainity on an unsignposted venue, people I had never met before and certainly were part of my company elbowing me out of the way to get to a an overwhelmed bar, underwhelmed with staff.

To add to my frustration, the allocation of free drink cards had been totally ballsed up by the venue, leaving just four people out of 85 with them. But for the intervention of one of the committee, the large white wine and diet coke I purchased would have cost me, half the price of my ticket for the event!

The appearance of food was twice delayed and on hearing of the latest delay, I registered my protest at the whole mess, by getting my bag and coat; and vacating to the pizza place opposite - where the quick service, surprisingly tasty food and reasonable price, served to highlight everything that was wrong with the event.

Who organised this disaster ? A committee of no less than 6 people, each apparently more stupid than the other, who clearly know nothing about running an event.

I have learnt through my years of throwing truly fabulous parties, and life in general, one commander-in-chief who knows what they are doing, is worth x many committee members who forget to agree on even the most basic elements, because their egos won't allow them.

Sliding Doors

The thaw with HWMBO officially finished today when he returned to the level of misery we usually associate with him. Fortunately, he was out of the office for most of the afternoon, which left me free to job hunt and think about what to wear for my latest Christmas party on Friday.

My online shopping was interrrupted by GL whose speed dating had been cancelled. Before I could reply, A whisked me away for lunch, where he forced me to have the skinless grilled chicken with sweet potatoes - an usual combination which worked etremely well together, while we people watched and gossiped. I returned from lunch giggly and stuffed to the gills.

It Started With A List

First to any newcomers to my weekly musings a big hello from your favourite London Diva. Since the last time we talked, I am happy to say that usual service in my trainwreck of a lovelife has been resumed.

Mr Invisible would now like to see me this Friday night - which a) annoyingly inconvenient - it seems even less the favourable love prospects fail to fall in line with my plans - must be something in the water! and b) this new date just isn't possible as I am off to yet another Christmas party, the first of which I have just returned from, hoarse and ever so slightly merry, which for a Christmas humbug like myself is very rare indeed.

There is something disarmingly endearing about watching your usually serious colleagues, concentrated on the lyrics of some dodgy song, nervously clutching their karaoke mike and praying they can remember the beat of the entire song.

I did what I always do, which is sing at the end of the evening (Nothing Compares To You, Sinead O'Connor), when everyone is as drunk as a skunk and a less than mighty voice able to hold a tune, is miraculously transformed into something halfway decent. My cunning plan came off with a hitch, so well in fact that 3 people dubbed me a ringer!

I crossed it off my list. Which list I hear you ask? The list of course. In the first week of December every year I make my list of things I want to happen to me in the next year.

Last year's list was a short one - pass my degree. Check. Be more organized - half check. Be solvent - well I didn't know we would hit the worst depression since 1929 did I ?- so let's call that half a check and to be continued.

Finally, I asked for real deal -'the one' or as close to him as possible, I don't want to disqualify any potential candidates. Must remember to carry that over to next year's list!

I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues !

Well I've just about made it through the weekend without gnashing my teeth, wailing at the moon and wondering how many more dating rejections I can take, until I give up the ghost and resign myself to becoming a multiple cat owner.

As I predicted, I am gutted about the whole DG fisaco, regardless of what friends and family have told me. I am resigned to the fact that you can't force someone to like you or have any semblance of a consience about how they cut you loose. That's just life, but it doesn't mean to say it doesn't suck!

Over this weekend, I have been contacted by a variety of potential love interests (their words not mine!) . Each suitor is predictably throughly undesirable. Why four old fat guys, two men with super large teeth or three white guys who have always wanted to date black women, think that I would possibly want to connect with them beggars belief.

Also let's not forget of my lovely friends who have offered to set me up with recently broken up guys - why, why would you want to go out with someone whose just broken up with someone, it is a sure-fire route to disaster!

The result of this ring of popularity was enough to drive me to a flood of tears, as my confidence has taken an all mighty kicking. Even a diva can only keep her positivity levels up for so long. I'll come back from it, because as we know I have so much experience in this field; but this latest dating set back has left me more determined than ever to conquer my dating jinx permanently.

The Bolter !

Well it's official DG is history. Whereas at the beginning of the year, I might have dissolved into a wave of self pity, locked myself away with a tub of Haagen Dazs Pralines and Cream and 'All True Woman CD2', wailing 'All By Myself' at the top of my voice, this time I am merely a little disappointed. Let's be blunt the boy (because that is how he's behaved!), is plain rude! Complete silence - totally fucking rude!

As for DG himself well, of course I still like him, I'm not some type of emotional tap, that switches itself off at will, but I do have contempt for his cowardice in not manning up and saying he'd changed mind. Typical schoolboy moment from an ultimately immature man.

I called G last night to break the bad news to her. "Something bad must have happened" said G hopefully, until I told her the full story.

Having concluded that things were definitely terminal via listening in on my conversation with G, The Fool then interjected with "Men have feelings too!", "No they don't!" I retorted snappily via third party G. Readers we all know that men do of course do have some feeling, just to a much lessor extent, more like your basic, I don't give a shit really variety.

It was left to A who summed up exactly what type of man DG is via his text to me this morning "What a fucking idiot he is!". My thoughts precisely. As well as making me laugh out loud with his text sent to me on a crowded train enroute to work, A also provided me with invaluable advice about another species of man to look out for on the dating circuit.

The Bolter ! The Bolter is the man who for all intents purposes appears to be a true throughbred. He is at first super keen, overly attentive, has charms so smooth that they could be carved out of butter and ultimately seems to display the sincere nature of a genuine good guy.

However, potential daters beware, the time commitment that a Bolter invests in you will only ever be fleeting. The moment that it looks like the fairytale (which is often being played out fastforward in their heads, in both wholesome and carnal versions) will need to be translated into the rather more mundane arena of real life; that is when the Bolter bolts. In short, DG is a classic Bolter.

Which brings me full circle to my year of internet dating which is very nearly up and has ended like it begun, with me still being single. My rose coloured glasses, which prevented me from seeing beyond the romantic fairytale the whole of my pretty shit dating life, have gone. Permanently smashed, never to be repaired. I have been seeing guys for the very first time exactly as they are, not as I want them to be.

Including DG, there's been the Dane - the ultimate female viagra shot - too beautiful to ever have to wait around to get laid by me or any other woman for that matter !

Then of course there was the psuedo relationship (felt like one, but wasn't actually one!) with M2 (remember him, yes i'm still trying to forget that one myself!). You remember the one I went away with and who dumped me ten minutes after we got back, but more importantly thought it was a great idea to text me some five minutes later to tell me to "Keep smiling" - what a jerk!

PP the one who failed so miserably in his attempt to get me into bed, ignored my morning after end of the day text "How was your day?" -which I still believe is one of the most ungirly, asexual things you could ever say to a man after a first date.

But those four little words somehow managed to freak him out so much that he a) didn't respond to the text and b) when he next saw me a few days later, was embarrassed enough to duck into a train carriage rather than say hello! What an arse!

Mr DJ who dropped me a line to say that he had 'got a better offer' (or was it one, or two or three or maybe even four - another guy using the internet to get over a relationship gone bad!)

S the self proclaimed 'nice guy' IT Director who first thanked me for helping him to regain his confidence after a dry dating spell, then told me as he was just letting me know that I was ok to look elsewhere as he has found his dream girl. Let's not forget his super kind offer of perhaps getting in touch with me, if it didn't work with his dream girl. Thank you !

A guest 'appearance' from H both via my recollection (finally over him - I know it took me long enough!) and he popped up on his birthday this year, before ending as we always do with him 'vanishing' off the radar again - hold on a minute is that repeated behaviour complex?

Joking aside, with a love life that can be described kindly as a stuttering non-starter, I am amazed I am still holding on to the old adage that there's someone for everybody.

If that's the case, I wish he would flamming well hurry up, because I am totally bored with this 'waiting' for him lark ! Or as your hooked up friends always like to glibbly say to you "When you least expect it, it will happen". My response - Bollocks! Its so easy to say stuff like that when you are on the other side of the fence - hooked up and happy!

Oh No Not Again !

They say that sometimes saying or expecting the worse, means that you are willing it to happen, so somebody should by rights shoot me right about now. Why? DG has disappeared. Completely dropping off the radar as of this morning.

Our last conversation was last night, when he mentioned he had a touch of 'man flu' and was going to bed early to try and shake it off before our weekend together and he asked me to text him in the morning.

So I did. No response. So a little later, I called him and after one ring the phone clicked abruptly off, so I left it alone, all day. About 2 mins ago I sent a non-committal boy text "U ok?" still nothing. What is going on? ....I have no idea! But if anything resembling an update on the situation ocurs, well then you will be the first to know.

Update One - DG is alive and well and has rather tellingly has been active today on his dd account. I sent an email to his facebook and dd accounts

"DG, not sure what's going on with you as on dd you are shown as being active today, so thankfully you are ok. If you have changed your mind about meeting up Yes/No will do.
If you don't want to talk anymore Yes/No will also do. Not angry or put out, just very, very confused by you - B ".

The reality that has just dawned on me is yet again I have fallen foul of the dating numbers game. The difference being this time, I didn't put all my eggs in one basket and am seeing Mr Invisible on Tuesday for dinner.

Is he the one I really want? Well at the moment clearly not, but sitting at home moping over somebody who hasn't even got the balls to get on the phone and say they've changed their mind about things, is for me not really an option. Oh how far I've come this year!

Easy Like Sunday Morning

So what's happened since the last time we 'talked' - well plenty! The new kid on my dating block aka DG continues to be well more than a little gorgeous ! We text in the morning, a few cheeky ones here and there and talk at the end of each day usually for an hour or two.

This whole situation has been so damn easy. No drama ! No commitment phobic hysteria ! No other women on the sidelines, that may or may not be revisited. If he's got something to say, he just blurts it out however, un-PC and God how refreshing!

He already has our entire weekend mapped out, from picking me up at the station onwards and its kind of sweet, particularly as I'm not used to being treated like that.

Usually it's me bending over backwards, like some demented bitch dog chasing her itching collar and wondering why it won't come off. The more I learn about him, the more I like having him around. He's my buddy as well as being a studmuffin.

Only one thing I'm worried about, if this doesn't work out I honestly will be more than a little gutted.

In the midst of my little piece of paradise, my opposite number, who arrived with such high hopes, of climbing from assistant to management; on the back of her charge's tailcoat has crashed and burned.

She has hit upon the hard lesson that all assistants everywhere (however great they are !) come to learn - no matter how amazing you are, you will never, ever be great enough be considered as important enough or equal to the demands and self interest of the person you are 'serving'. Their needs,wants, and feelings will always come first.

After she had dried her tears, ranted through her quite hefty list of issues and generally let out some long held frustrations ("Why do I have to go get his sodding lunch, the ungrateful bugger!"), I gave her the mother of all pep talks.

Whether it will work or not remains to be seen; but it did serve as notice to me that the grass really isn't always greener on the other side.