Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Flogging a Dead Horse

Christmas comes but once a year and kicks us singletons in the teeth with all the gusto of a parent, battling a clone of themselves for the last one, of this seasons' must-have toy.

In the midst of all the seasonal madness, the search for someone to snuggle up to continues unabated. I have not heard from Mr Invisible since Saturday and was surprised to receive the following from him.

"Are we still meeting? x" in a text message sent at 5:28 on a very cold Wednesday in a snow wrapped London town. I raised one eyebrow, scratched my head and then reflected on our last conversation, in which he had promised faithfully to let me know by this week Tuesday latest, whether he had space in his presidential duties (let's be honest, the way he carries on, you would honestly be forgiven for thinking that he is the busiest and most powerful leader of the free world); to catch-up with me this week.

Hearing nothing by the end of Tuesday, I made alternative arrangements in the shape of some last minute Christmas shopping and a hot chocolate in town with a friend. After his message I called him back, because I couldn't resist getting to say the following in very solemn tones.

"It just feels like our schedules are challenging and continually conflicted and you really don't have any time for anyone right now". I paused waiting for his response, sensing his realisation that he was about to be terminated.

"Why don't we try after Christmas?" he replied hopefully. "Only if you have the time" I said holding back my laughter. As if ! Second chances are all well and good, but when you reach fourth and fifth ones it is just plain stupid.

Why do men say one thing and then do the complete opposite and then make out that it is somehow completely unavoidable? In short, they are blameless ! Take MP, one of my funniest, hottest, smartest girlfriends' who moved to LA and immersed herself in the dating culture of her Stateside cousins with style.

After several unhappy attempts at the usual friend of a friend's brother, internet, work and blind dating, she found herself a British guy, one who we actually knew when we were in college. Should have been onto a winner, right?

Not exactly. For the past three years they have rubbed along together reasonably well, but once a year, every year , having always agreed previously to it, he bails on coming back to the UK to meet her parents at Christmas.

His reasons grow more colourful each year from childcare (he has a daughter), car and money issues , through to him having and by default, wanting, to do things with his own family, this is one guy who is completely unabashed at letting my friend down and then adding to her misery by letting her face the the music "el solo" back in the UK.

Every year he knows he's in the wrong, so his latest story increases in length, becomes more fanciful and ultimately is so flimsy, when 'tested', that she doesn't believe him.

"I'm tired of making excuses for him. I just want out. He is soooo selfish. If he wants something then fine, it has to happen and I have to compromise, otherwise he just sulks. Why do I keep finding arseholes like this" . You can guess my response.

"Dump him, but do it after Christmas, you don't want to stress yourself out during the holidays. You have too many parties to go to and too much fun to have. He doesn't respect your feelings period and he's not ready to meet your parents, in fact he may never be ready to meet your parents".

"He's not man enough to do the decent thing and say it aloud, he rather plead the "It Wasn't Me" line of defence. As for why you keep finding arseholes, because that's life. You have to take the rough with the smooth and sometimes, crap keeps coming your way. "

While I love MP's commitment to hanging on in there with her man, there comes a time in every diva's life, when you have to find the strength to walk away and not even give a damn about it. Why should you? Because trust me....the one you are leaving behind won't !

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